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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

expecting grandparents to buy a car seats for their car.

99 replies

thinker · 07/05/2010 22:51

AIBU to expect both sets of grandparents to buy car seats to put in their car. I have a 3 yo and a 10 month old and am pregnant with third. Everytime they go anywhere I have to change them all over and one of them is dead heavy. They just stand there watching me struggle every bloody time. I told my mum she could buy one for £28 and she said that if I buy it she will have it in her car. And my DH dad is such a cock because he will carry it out of his car and place it in mine but not strap it in. Twice now i have driven with it like that not realising it isnt strapped in. The other day, DH parents picked my DD up from pre school and I forgot to leave the seat for them. They sent a message through my mum that I was "in trouble" for not leaving it there, why don`t they fucking buy one save me having to lug the thing about gggrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!! Am I being unreasonable????????

OP posts:
runnybottom · 07/05/2010 23:04

You want 9 seats for 3 children. Yep, tit, I'm afraid.

wannaBe · 07/05/2010 23:05

I bought car seats for my ds (travel system from birth, some hideously extortionate britax one from one yo and now a booster seat) and I don't even have a car.

Would never have dreamed of expecting my parents to buy a carseat for my child.

kitkatsforbreakfast · 07/05/2010 23:07

(.) (.)
It's the general opinion.
But not to worry. I use high backed boosters for transferring between cars, even if the child is a little below the weight guidelines. Those seats are much lighter to move and easier to fix.

Presumably the younger one is still in the baby car seat, and you'll want the new baby to have that one in due course. There really isn't much point in buying a new baby seat.

Car seats are a hassle to keep moving around, but it won't be for long. Once they're in normal booster cushions it's a lot easier.

Original poster
thinker · 07/05/2010 23:08

I think that they used one that they have for their grandson THAT THEY ALLWAYS KEEP IN CAR FOR HIM !!!! Its a bit tricky because my husband will not speak to his dad and step mum becuase he had an afair whilst married to his mum who shortly after died of cancer. But I bumped into his dad and reformed a relationship with him for the childrens sake, he was so chuffed because he never thought he would ever meet them. Now once a week he takes her out for the sfternoon after pre school. I guess I was feeling overly noble about the whole thing and thought he might buy her a car seat. And my parents dont help me very much and I got upset cos they watch me struggle with seats yet when I was pregnant with 1st they wouldnt let me lift a thing, now its different with 3rd.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 07/05/2010 23:10

Sorry, agree with the rest. YABU. You but the seats; they are your children.

BTW - I have one child and 4 seats

ScreaminEagle · 07/05/2010 23:14

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snala · 07/05/2010 23:14

KITKATS - if you are using the wrong seats for the weight you might as well not bother .
Seats are given weight guidelines for YOUR CHILDS SAFETY, they have been tested for those weights for a reason.
My SIL has been to several accidents with children in wrong or badly fitted car seats and the results can be fatal. (she is a paramedic).

sundew · 07/05/2010 23:15

Thinker - you AREN'T being a tit but.... your kids your responsibility so if you are concerned about their safety I think it is up to you to sort. Sorry.....

Original poster
thinker · 07/05/2010 23:15

They are the correct seats.

OP posts:
Original poster
thinker · 07/05/2010 23:17

Screamineagle, do your parents place the seats in the car themselves or do you do it?

OP posts:
onadietcokebreak · 07/05/2010 23:19

YABU to expect them to buy a seat for their own car for unregular car journeys...if they were having them for several times a week every week then you should ask them to buy one.

What I think YANBU for is expecting some help in helping put the seat in the car and an interest in how to fit it safely...seats are heavy and lifting them without being pregnant is bad enough!

kitkatsforbreakfast · 07/05/2010 23:20

I know, I know snala. You're right.

But on the occasions it's been done (not that this condones it, but rather explains) dd is within 1 kg of the weight guide. She's 14kg, rather than 15kg. And the journey would only be in the city centre, where no car can ever go above 20 mph. Statistically, there is not a great risk. I would never put an underweight child in the wrong car seat for a rural or motorway journey. But, I accept it shouldn't ever be done.

mumbar · 07/05/2010 23:20

Yeah I have 2 in my car just in case ds (5) has friends over. (2nd one is just cheapy) my parents and sister also have a booster seat for him (again I just got cheapy's!). I use a high backed one but booster seat is fine once in a while.

ScreaminEagle · 07/05/2010 23:20

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Original poster
thinker · 07/05/2010 23:22

So if I buy them and teach them how to fit them safely, then really it is problem solved.

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ScreaminEagle · 07/05/2010 23:24

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Silver1 · 07/05/2010 23:25

We have this car seat, which may be easier to move around from car to car, and is very safe.

A friend has this one which she says is great as well. Then there is no missing whether or not the seat is stapped in, it's not too heavy and lasts for years.

Original poster
thinker · 07/05/2010 23:27

I feel like I am spoon feeding them and they are being simple, I wish they would take the initiative, my husband thinks that it is lazy ness not ensuring that they know how to fit them, I have gone through it so many times and they just cant do it so stand there watching. i think its more this than the buying of the seats that is buggin me.

OP posts:
Original poster
thinker · 07/05/2010 23:28

Thanks Silver xx

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MrsGravy · 07/05/2010 23:40

God, I wish my Dad would let me fit the car seats when he takes the kids anywhere! He insists on putting them in himself and it takes him an age (he's not old and doddery or anything, there's just a bit of a knack to car seats I think) when it would take me 30 seconds.

Drives me potty!!

Perhaps your parents realise how important it is for them to be fitted properly and are a bit nervous of doing it themselves. I'd just do whatever makes it easier for them tbh - as the others have said, it won't be long before they're in boosters which'll be simple enough.

snala · 07/05/2010 23:43

KitKats im not judging you .

Silver1 - unfortunately not all seats fit all cars .

We had to take 6 cars to halfords to get our seat fitted and had to buy 2 different ones in the end as there wasn't one seat that fitted all the cars .

Im pleased we didn't just buy one we liked online and put it in. that was the original plan

ScreaminEagle · 07/05/2010 23:46

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jeananddolly · 07/05/2010 23:47

I am going against the grain here. YANBU - it's the drivers' responsibility to ensure that children are in the correct car seat, correctly fitted. I don't have a car but my mum and MIL and family have either bought or borrowed.

YANBU about being pregnant and forced to lug a car seat between cars either.

HTH. (it doesn't)

BertieBotts · 07/05/2010 23:52

I agree with the person who recommended the Kiddy Infinity/Comfort Pro - I don't drive and this takes seconds to install and fits in pretty much any car. Grandparents etc find it easy as well as it's not complicated. The Infinity Pro is cheaper, but the Comfort Pro converts to a booster seat so will last longer.

Kitkats I don't mean to go on/get at you but 1kg is quite a big amount to be under the weight limit by. After 1 year their weight gain slows down a lot and they only tend to gain about 1kg every 6 months.

snala · 07/05/2010 23:53

Fit finder couldn't find all the cars on the britax or maxi cosi site.The halfords and mothercare instore online checkers couldn't either when dh and I went in. They advised to take the cars so we did.
( all at different times lol we didn't do a mass trip!, the main problem was the buckles being 'flappy' in the hondas and the bucket seat style back seat of my sisters car.)