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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be bloody annoyed that my boss is making me feel guilty for not going to work when I feel pretty ill?

38 replies

cupcakesandbunting · 07/05/2010 12:23

I am actually between being angry and really upset...

I work 8 hours a week in a small shop and am pretty good mates with my manager, we socialise outside of work etc. I have been ill on and off for the last month and took two days off sick in April with excrutiating stomach pains and then I've taken wednesday and today off of this week after I went to a+e on monday night (I spoke about this on another thread, I had a very, very heavy period where I was changing my pad every 30-60 mins and passing huge clots) and since then, I've felt washed out, light-headed, shivery and just generally crap.

I was supposed to be working until 9 tonight but I called yesterday to let her know i still felt rough and wouldn't be in today. Today, i still feel rank. I feel like I'm going to faint every time I stand up and I can't bear the thought of standing on a shop floor tbh. If I worked sitting down I'd probably try to go in but I'm finding it an effort to stand to make DS's lunch.

Anyway, my manager rang me about half an hour ago saying she just wanted to make sure that I couldn't go in today because if I couldn't she would have to stay over to cover me. I said that I felt ill still and really didn;t feel up to it. Then she said "ok that's fine but we'll have to sit down and have a talk about your hours next week because your absence is in the red now." So now I'm worried she is going to discipline me for having time off.

I rang her back in tears about ten minutes later saying that I would go in and she softened and said not to worry but obviously she has made me feel worried/guilty so she has had the desired effect on me. Then she brought up the subject of DS's birthday party on sunday which another colleague is coming to. I think she was saying "I assumed you were better because you haven't cancelled the party" but the party is at my house where my mum/MiL can take over if I feel ill and need time out. So I feel if I don't go to work, I must cancel the party but I don't want to let DS down so i feel I must go to work but I really don't feel well enough. I could just cry my eyes out and this isn't like me

OP posts:

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 07/05/2010 12:28

Do not cancel the party.

You have been genuinely ill and you need to ask her what she expects you to do when you can't even stand.

She is being very mean .

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 07/05/2010 12:29

To be honest, I'm thinking about just going in. I can't be doing with the worrying about what she will say when I next go in...

OP posts:

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 07/05/2010 12:31

dont you dare
if you do she will convince herself you were faking it

piratecat · 07/05/2010 12:32

yes she is being pretty mean. I guess it inconveniences her, if she has to arrange cover, yet she has to get her stupid hat off and realsie that people do actually fall ill.

No don't let her make you feel bad, is IF you've done it on bloody purpose. my sister has those terrible periods, and she gets very ill some months. I hope you can get them sorted out? My sis took 2 yrs to go to the cotor, and she's finally having a scan to get to the bottom of it.

GypsyMoth · 07/05/2010 12:32

if its been a month then i think its reasonable to think you should have some sort of handle on the situation by now.....its dragged on a bit.

or was it different illness previously,unrelated?

piratecat · 07/05/2010 12:32

no, stand your ground, don't go. She has already said she can do it, it's tough shit.

GypsyMoth · 07/05/2010 12:33

and dont cancel the party!!

whatthe · 07/05/2010 12:35

Hey cupcakes, was thinking about you since your last post.

Chin up, have you told her what's been wrong?
I had problems with a female boss who's idea of a heavy period was obviously using two more tampons a day or something...

..until the day I soaked a suede skirt from top to bottom in around 3 minutes, lost an apple sized blood clot had blood running down my legs on the floor before fainting on her. This because she insisted on me accompanying her to a meeting when I was feeling unwell. Sorry to get graphic, but you have lived through it so make her understand your problems. She never questioned me again.

Have you gotten a note from the doctor? You may need an iron injection or some strong tablets and you NEED some rest.

How can your absence go into the red, is there a policy on allowed absence? Ask if you can see the policy she is appertaining to, and ask her to explain clearly incase you need to take any further action, (this could mean further sick days if you have another month like this, or any action you may need to take if she is treating you unfairly).

As for the party - just tell her that other people will be taking over, and that you'd appreciate her support on the day as you will most likley be incapacitated.

xxx

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 07/05/2010 12:35

I don't know, Threeblondeboys.

I went to the docs when I first felt ill and she said I had a gastric infection and that they can last for a while and make you feel rubbish. I've never had a period like that before and I don't know if it's related to the gastric problem (the stomach pains started around the time of my period last month) so I just don't know. I just know that I feel really run-down and not like me at all.

OP posts:

strawberrycake · 07/05/2010 12:36

Personally my advice would be that your hormones/ feeling rough are making this seem unbearabe and it will feel better in a few days. Carry on being pleasant and keeping her informed, tell her about a and e breifly and hopefull the rest of your work record/ attitude to work will speak for itself and it will all blow over. She's maybe just a bit stressed and over-run herself and expressing herself badly. I doubt you'll be crying over it in a week, focus on getting better and being positive when you return, she'll see of hear from the part if you're still ill.

foureleven · 07/05/2010 12:41

Unfortunately there are a lot of skivers out there who have made it necessary for managers to behave like this. Does she have people above her because if so she may be getting hassle from them about your level of sickness and therefore she has to raise it with you even though she may not want to.

You mustn't feel guilty, go in to work, or cancel the party.

Go to bed and sleep it off. You know that you are too ill to go to work so put anything else out of your head.

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 07/05/2010 12:45

I just hate having stuff hanging over my head and going into work even though I feel terrible seems the better option than worrying about getting a rollocking next wednesday

OP posts:

foureleven · 07/05/2010 12:48

Im confused, i thought you were unable to go in?

If you end up going in then to her it will just prove that she was right - you were able to go in..

Go to bed and forget about her. she'll have forgotten by Wednesday.

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 07/05/2010 12:53

Foureleven, I don't feel like I am well enough to go into work. I really don't. I just feel like dragging myself in and tolerating it will be better than making myself feel more ill worrying about being disciplined next week

OP posts:

foureleven · 07/05/2010 12:54

Well its past lunchtime so it would probably go down as an absent day anyway wouldnt it?

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 07/05/2010 12:56

I wasn't due to start until 5pm.

OP posts:

thesecondcoming · 07/05/2010 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jeee · 07/05/2010 12:58

You seem to have another problem in that your relationship with your manager seems to be a bit confused. Are you friends, or boss-junior?

porcamiseria · 07/05/2010 12:58

I am sorry for you, but I would try and see it from her POV

she pays you for sick days, and then has to work herself, this is life but she is prob pissed off
she probably does not understand whats wrong with you
She can see you are ill enough not to work, but even though ill you are having a lids party

But there is NO WAY you should work when you feel as bad as you do.

I can sort of see where she is coming from on the party, harsh but true

I think immediate focus should be to get to the bottom of this illness , then deal with her and give her doctors note if needs be. For £20 you get them off your back, well worth it!

But DO NOT work if you feel like you do, really.

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 07/05/2010 12:59

To be honest, the party was just a barbecue in the back garden with the ballpit out for the LOs. Not much effort on my part but am thinking about cancelling it but am dreading seeing DSs face when I tell him.

OP posts:

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 07/05/2010 13:01

Sorry Jeee, I don't know what you mean by boss-junior

OP posts:

porcamiseria · 07/05/2010 13:03

maybe cancel non-family guests and just have family only? halfway solutuon and gets her off your back

surely you must see its looks odd being too ill to work, but still able to have party?

this will pass, honestly

jeee · 07/05/2010 13:04

I just couldn't really see if she was your manager first, or your friend first. I think that to socialise with your boss is potentially fraught.

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 07/05/2010 13:07

I have just rang round all non-family people and cancelled so it'll just be grandparents and in-laws and they can amuse themselves whilst I stay in bed tbh. I'm sure DS won't care as long as he gets his slide...

Jeee, I do count her as a good mate i.e we confide in each other about stuff and generally get on well. Most of us there are mates as well as colleagues. But it just seems that whenever someone gets sick and she needs to cover for them, she gets a little bit arsey, it's not just me that's been upset by it. One of the reasons I considered going in is because I feel bad for annoying her.

OP posts:

porcamiseria · 07/05/2010 13:10

well done! now focus on resting up and getting this thing sorted. I am sympathetic, I have a fibroid the size of a rugby ball, oh the fun we have.....

also you dont want gazillions of people over when you feel shit anyway ?

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