to be bloody annoyed that my boss is making me feel guilty for not going to work when I feel pretty ill?

[cupcakesandbunting]

I am actually between being angry and really upset...

I work 8 hours a week in a small shop and am pretty good mates with my manager, we socialise outside of work etc. I have been ill on and off for the last month and took two days off sick in April with excrutiating stomach pains and then I've taken wednesday and today off of this week after I went to a+e on monday night (I spoke about this on another thread, I had a very, very heavy period where I was changing my pad every 30-60 mins and passing huge clots) and since then, I've felt washed out, light-headed, shivery and just generally crap.

I was supposed to be working until 9 tonight but I called yesterday to let her know i still felt rough and wouldn't be in today. Today, i still feel rank. I feel like I'm going to faint every time I stand up and I can't bear the thought of standing on a shop floor tbh. If I worked sitting down I'd probably try to go in but I'm finding it an effort to stand to make DS's lunch.

Anyway, my manager rang me about half an hour ago saying she just wanted to make sure that I couldn't go in today because if I couldn't she would have to stay over to cover me. I said that I felt ill still and really didn;t feel up to it. Then she said "ok that's fine but we'll have to sit down and have a talk about your hours next week because your absence is in the red now." So now I'm worried she is going to discipline me for having time off.

I rang her back in tears about ten minutes later saying that I would go in and she softened and said not to worry but obviously she has made me feel worried/guilty so she has had the desired effect on me. Then she brought up the subject of DS's birthday party on sunday which another colleague is coming to. I think she was saying "I assumed you were better because you haven't cancelled the party" but the party is at my house where my mum/MiL can take over if I feel ill and need time out. So I feel if I don't go to work, I must cancel the party but I don't want to let DS down so i feel I must go to work but I really don't feel well enough. I could just cry my eyes out and this isn't like me

I didn't really want a house-full Porcamiseria, tbh. I just don't like seeing DS's face when I have to say "sorry but xyz isn't happening now" But do actually feel like a weight has been lifted as DH was going to have to go and fetch all of the stuff for it and god only knows what we would have ended up with...

I think as its friday and the part yis on sunday, there is time to make a recovery no?

I don't know, Foureleven. I feel worse now than I did on Monday so I wouldn't like to hazard a guess.

I mean as far as your boss is concerned. I dont think she could be annoyed that you had friday off but had a party on Sunday.

cancel her (which you've done) and she is none the wiser

fron what you have written here having her at party wouyld have caused you more aggro

To be honest, I feel a wee bit better knowing that we're not going to hae this party. I don't care about MiL/SiL/BiL/own mum and dad seeing me like this but to have to get made-up and be a host might have been a bit of an ask. I don't feel so bad sloping off to bed if it's just close relatives.

porcamiseria - Facebook.

you mean people will post photos? BAN THEM? like a "Hello" covered wedding

god the webs we weave

If she's having to cover for you all week, you can understand if she's feeling a bit stressed. And if it's unclear when you're coming back, that will add additional stress as it means she can't plan anything for the following week.

You shouldn't go back if you're not well, but similarly, she isn't managing her business correctly if she doesn't seek clarification on what you are doing or when you're back.

Paid sick leave is not enforced so I don't know if she's paying you while you're away or not, but most organisations say in contracts that they reserve the right to choose whether to pay for sick leave or not. I suspect she's thinking about the hard decisions that involve possibly not paying you so that she can pay a temp to come in and cover your shifts so that she doesn't have to.

And you were right to cancel the party.

Ask yourself this; Do I need the money? Do I like the job? Is it worth the stress? Would I keep the boss as a friend if I left?

Compartmentalise the problem - you are feeling like crap and not thinking too clearly - a part time job should not upset you this much!

BlingLoving, she has only had to cover my 8 hours, I don't work all week.

I don't get paid for my first day off sick so effectively I lose half a week's pay which I can't afford.

I do like the job and I do need the money. I just don't feel like I should be torn between staying at home when I feel so rotten and going in to appease someone else because I don't want to be in their bad books.

It's simple - you don't have to go in and appease her...if you are genuinely ill, you stay at home. If she makes a disciplinary issue of it, there is a formal process she will have to go through, giving you your chance to put your side of the story. If she doubts your illness, get a letter from the Doctor.

The only thing making you feel as if you should go in is your friendship/her attitude. As someone said earier, these blurred boundaries do not help in situations like this.

Take the friendship out of the equation - what would you do? Then this is what you do...

Well, I'm still here. I got showered and dressed to see if that made me feel any better but no. I had to ask DH to sit on the loo while I showered because I didn't trust myself not to pass out. I've decided that I don't give a rat's ass if I get disciplined. I'm genuinely ill and I get paid £6 an hour which isn't enough to go and stand on a hot shop floor when I'm feeling ill. But thankyou all for advice