to be pissed off that dh is considering breaking the law?

[wannabeoriginal]

To pacify dd nearly 17.
Long story but basically dd will soon be 17 and we have promised driving lessons.To this ends have applied online and forwarded birth certificate to Swansea by recorded delivery.
Surprise surprise Royal Mail have no trace of the recorded delivery and are currently investigating.
Dd is understandably upset behaving like a brat because she won't be able to have a lesson on her birthday unless Royal mail find her documents and DVLA manage to get a license out to her quickly.
So to pacify her he suggests taking her out on her birthday in our car with no license and no insurance
Dd is a daddy's girl and can wrap him round her finger but this time it is going way too far. AIBU to threaten to report them both if they go ahead with this.

sorry, didnt mean to post twice

Hate to say it, wannabe, as I think you know it, but I think your DH and your DD have got bigger issues than this.
But like you said, if it has been like this for 17yo, what chance are you going to have of making your dh see sense.

Your DD is going to have a rude awakening when she goes out into the real world. I hope for her sake her dad will always be there to catch when she falls... but at this rate she will never learn to stand on her own two feet.

YANBU, and you DD needs to read this thread and understand that there is more to being a driver than being 17. Are you happy that she is mature enough btw? And you DH should be ashamed of himself.

Dear god, this sounds like my sister. My mum is now selling her holiday apartment to appease her latest tantrum and giving her 80k to buy a house. My mum is 63 and I sorted this for her so she would have money to pay off her mortgage before she retires. Money and lessons = fine. Money and lessons to sooth a tantrum, I honestly think you are building a rod for your own back Although I don't know what your DD is like, I am basing this on my sister who's behaviour is beyond a joke because she was never put in her place.

Dd is mostly lovely especially when dh isn't around because she knows damn well I won't put up with the strops. So I know for a fact the strops are for his benefit only because she doesn't do them and never has done for me.
It causes more friction between me and dh than anything else because it annoys me intensely and dh hates it when I hand out chores (he will do them for her) and consequences (doesn't intervene though because I won that battle years ago ) to dd.
It really isn't dd's fault tbh, from being a tot she has been taught that tears or a strop will work every time for her with dh.
Have a secret wish that he will relocate with her when she goes to uni next year as that is what he proposes.
Think the scales should fall from his eyes pretty quickly once his vision of a defenceless little girl is replaced with the confident and go getting girl she really is whenever he is out of sight

My DD is 17 in a couple of weeks and I cannot imagine her behaving in such a way over anything - she won't be having a driving lesson on her birthday because its in the middle of AS exams and she'll be waiting till the exams are over. This isn't a problem and she doesn't need to be bribed

BLOODY HELL!
Is he trying to scupper her before she even gets going?
It's a terrible way to get her to take the responsibilities of driving seriously, and she could lose her license before she even has it.

I completely agree with finding somewhere off-road, maybe even an official driving centre, and letting her get started.

SGB - it's about driving un-insured. Whatever you may think, the 'bit of paper' becomes very important in the event of the thing you never believe is going to happen. And driving accidents happen all the time. I knocked over a lampost the very first time my dad took me out, just after my 17th birthday. It's easy to take a snooty 'I'm so free and easy and liberal' stance.

Explain to your dd that if her and DH get in an accident, even if it's not their fault, she will not be allowed to drive for at least, fined £5000 and given numerous penalty points which will make her insurance unaffordable and god knows what will happen to your DH, can't think a judge will go easy on a father allowing his uninsured and unlicensed child get behind a wheel.

I'm simply applying logic: Provisional licenses are actually a daft idea anyway. They make no difference to a person's driving abilities (so no actual difference to their accident risk status, either). They don't prove anything about the person.
What IS the point of them? WOuldn't it be a lot simpler for someone who is mental generous enough to want to teach a family member to drive simply to be able to extend the insurance policy by demonstrating that the person is over 17?

TBH driving lessons are not something I particularly care about, but anything that triggers a knickerwetting frenzy of 'BWAAAHHH! It's ILLEEEEEEEGGAAALLL' usually warrants a bit of looking at.

It's not the driving ability that matters though - it's the fact that it is illegal and would have consequences if they were caught (regardless of whether you think the law is right or wrong).

SGB, it's not just a bit of paper. To get a provisional licence you are also declaring you are fit to drive, eg no disqualifying medical conditions, etc, and there are also other reason, too.

So, just declare she's over 17 and extend the insurance? Where is the incentive to declare your fitness?

And don't think they don't check. I recently exchanged my paper licence for a photocard, and at the medical questions there were definite prompts to declare a disability that I definitely do have. It's not a problem for my driving, but they do check up on you.

YANBU

Your DD has the rest of her life to learn how to drive. Surely another few weeks is not going to kill her???

Let your husband know that if he gets banned from driving because of this craziness, you will not be able to ferry him to and from work for the duration of the ban.

When i was 17, I wanted to be shown how to drive so my brother (who was 15 and knew how to drive, or more aptly how to move the car) got me to sit into the car and "taught" me the basics. I drove up and down the country lane we live on.
After a while, he had me in third gear and as I neared the house I tried to slow down but I couldn't no matter how hard I pushed the brakes - he did not have the experience of gearing down! I crashed into a wall. Luckily it wasn't one of my other brothers who had been standing at the same wall earlier!

This affected me for years afterwards, thinking how I could have killed my younger brothers.

After, I moved to London and had access to public transport, so didn't need or want to learn how to drive.

At 25 I moved back to Ireland and had no access to public transport. So I took the plunge and got myself a Provisional Licence and got lessons from a proper driving training school. I realised what my brother showed me was far from adequate, and my parents had built up lots of bad habits so were no good for lessons. I flourished at driving and passed my test 6 months later.

Tell your dd to get her licence and proper driving lessons from a qualified tutor. Because of my, and my parents, stupidity I could have killed one of my younger brothers. The guilt afterwards is not worth it.