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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that dh is considering breaking the law?

63 replies

wannabeoriginal · 06/05/2010 19:12

To pacify dd nearly 17.
Long story but basically dd will soon be 17 and we have promised driving lessons.To this ends have applied online and forwarded birth certificate to Swansea by recorded delivery.
Surprise surprise Royal Mail have no trace of the recorded delivery and are currently investigating.
Dd is understandably upset behaving like a brat because she won't be able to have a lesson on her birthday unless Royal mail find her documents and DVLA manage to get a license out to her quickly.
So to pacify her he suggests taking her out on her birthday in our car with no license and no insurance
Dd is a daddy's girl and can wrap him round her finger but this time it is going way too far. AIBU to threaten to report them both if they go ahead with this.

OP posts:
flootshoot · 07/05/2010 08:40

I know someone who's father did this before he had a provisional - they were caught by police (in a car park), both got fined £600 and 6 points on both licences (the 6 points went onto the teenager's when he applied for it a year later!).

Not worth the risk IMO.

BouncingTurtle · 07/05/2010 08:43

If you daughter is acting like a spoilt brat I wonder if she is mature enough to learn how to drive anyway.

Yes it is shit that RM have lost her birth cert, and of course she is right to be cross about that, but sulking & whining about isn't going to help!

She should take it as an important life lesson, that sometimes shit happens.

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 07/05/2010 08:48

So one day if she has failed her test/ been banned from driving would he also think it was a good idea?

I wonder what she thinks she'll be doing on her first lesson anyway?

Ivykaty44 · 07/05/2010 08:49

Can you not apply for a copy birth certificate - it only usually take 3-5 days and get it photocopied and send of the copy to the dvla and try again....

to be fair I got my dd's replacment within two days - so not long

JaneS · 07/05/2010 08:51

That is beyond stupid.

It will be incredibly obvious that she is a learner from the way she is stalling driving. First lesson, she should in any case be sitting in the driveway going over what the pedals do and learning to start the car - not driving on a public road at all.

Crikeyme · 07/05/2010 08:57

You're absolutely not being unreasonable - I think it's an outrageous risk for your husband to take, not only with his licence and the car (not to mention your daughter's future licence), but with the lives of everyone else on the road. My first driving lesson involved me being taken out onto a dual carriageway during the rush hour after 20 minutes - that was with an experienced qualified instructor with dual control of the car, and I still obviously felt that I shouldn't be on the road at that point! At least if I'd done something dangerous my instructor could correct it - what the hell is your husband's solution?!

Sorry, but he's being an arse - your daughter's just being a 17-year-old.

Actually, it's just occurred to me that as my parents sent off the forms for my provisional licence as a surprise so I'd have it and the lessons as my 17th birthday present, I'm probably not legally entitled to drive either - wouldn't they have to have forged my signature? Hmmmm...

sarah293 · 07/05/2010 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

homebirthmummy4 · 07/05/2010 09:08

can you not out-pout your daughter?? your husband chose to marry you and as such should put your needs first.

diddl · 07/05/2010 09:21

Doesn´t sound as if either of them are mature enough to get behind the wheel of a car.

She´s nearly 17 & he still gives in-Jeez!-tell him to "man up".

Does he really not know that since about 14 (or less)it´s mostly just pretendy upset/crying?

YANBU!

Eglu · 07/05/2010 09:38

YANBU at all. I suggest you show your DH this thread. Particularly Frooshoots story. If your DD got 6 points on her license she wouls automatically be banned from driving before she even started. 6 pts = losing license in frist 2 yrs of driving.

SolidGoldBrass · 07/05/2010 09:55

FFS: Everything that's wrong with this country summed up in one self-righteous whinyarse thread.
Exactly what magic powers does a piece of fucking paper confer on someone who has never driven a car before? What difference does it actually make to her (in)ability to drive when she gets behind the wheel for the very first time?

YellowDaffodil · 07/05/2010 10:18

Exactly what magic powers does a piece of fucking paper confer on someone who has never driven a car before? What difference does it actually make to her (in)ability to drive when she gets behind the wheel for the very first time?

It makes bugger all difference to her inability to drive - it does mean she has no insurance, therefore is breaking the law.

Why should those of us who drive legally suffer because of the selfishness of others? I've been hit by an uninsured driver so I know what a ballache it is.

If my DD was behaving like this I'd probably get her a dummy for her 17th. DH would be in the spare room until he manned up.

bumpsoon · 07/05/2010 10:18

YANBU , get your dh to take her to a disused airfield /carpark and have a go . She will be completely hopeless and no doubt fall out big style with your dh ,come home in a huff and declare she is never getting in a car with him again .

bumpsoon · 07/05/2010 10:20

by the sound of things that will probably end up being all your fault !

grapeandlemon · 07/05/2010 10:21

That is nuts - she could kill or injure someone on the road and then what?

Ivykaty44 · 07/05/2010 12:17

It means that due to her not having insurance and all those that drive without insurance - they put the fecking price up for all thoses stupid people that pay, the price keeps getting higher.

I have had the letter drop on my mat though saying it doesn't matter the other person isn't worth prosecuting even though your nearly died its not in the public interset - they can run you down but walk away scot free

Nuttybear · 07/05/2010 12:32

Very expensive mistake. Does he need the car for work? Work out the fine, insurance increase, the points on his licence and the possible disqualification. What will all that cost him? Luckliy (strange to say this) my Dh was disqualified when he was 18 for drink drive no one hurt ...Once you've said your peice if they don't listen for one last time shut up about it and go out and buy something lovely that she can't borrow! & take it out of her allowance/pocket money

Downdog · 07/05/2010 12:37

YANBU to object to them driving without insurance. Extremely unreasonable for DH to be encouraging her to go down this route.

I do think that it would be unreasonable to report them and they would know this and it would probably be an empty threat. Plus it would be a real downer on her birthday celebrations.

Can you think of any other way to intervene in the car misuse that doesn't involve reporting them. Hide the keys? Take out the rotor from the distributor (don't know if you can still do that in modern cars, but it's how I used to secure my old Morris Morris years ago when I was a teenager, two flat tyres (learning car maintanence is very important too - admitedly all a little sneaky and devious, but probably more effective than a threat to report them.

I mean who would you report them too? And what would you say?

Like many I took my first steps behind the wheel in a carpark on a Sunday - but with shop hours these days it's probably not an option - unless they went after 5 on a Sunday - but she wants to drive on her birthday and that may not be on a Sunday.

I would probably be banging on and on to DH about his responsibility as a father (not to mention partner to you) and the total madness of driving without insurance, not to mention the criminality of it. It will offer him a way out with DD without losing perfect-daddy-face.

NetworkGuy · 07/05/2010 12:44

Start checking on the cost of insurance for a car too, and see just what you/she will need to find for that (plus a car).

It might slow down her rush a little to know all her spare time will not be spent spending any earnings on clothes and going out, if she has to find a chunk of the cash towards those costs too.

DH presumably cannot afford to risk his job if the car is impounded. Rather like the idea that they will have a big bust-up if they argue during first driving "experience".

Certainly does seem a piece of disused land or similar is better (with land owner's permission in writing, in case of any concern from / check by Police).

Not sure if there are any options (private land, eg a race track, where there may be a business opportunity to set aside an area for 'learners' too... and be allowed a zoom around the track in a safe 'old banger' with supervision - could be a better treat for a 17yo {lad} than the first driving lesson, given car insurance is getting very costly - 4000+ was mentioned on radio for a 19yo, trying to get a job in next town).

Downdog · 07/05/2010 12:44

SOLIDGOLDBRASS even if you disregard the illegality of driving without insurance, imagine if she actually hit someone, whether in a car or not. Someone could be injured in a permanent and life altering way, and doesn't even have the drivers insurance to fall back on for some financial support, medical treatment, home modifications if required etc. And DD 17, isn't going to have the funds herself to support someone who's life she has ruined and whose earning potential she destroyed. Is she going to support her victims kids through university?

Worst case scenario of course, but this is why uninsured drivers suck.

Oblomov · 07/05/2010 12:53

She is being tantrumy, which is not good.
But dis-used space idea is good. my dad did thta with me when i was 16 3/4. Took me ages to get clutch control. and the whole idea of looking, changing gear , pedals etc tec whilst looking out the windscreen rather than at what i was doing/ where the indicator was.
5 lessons and then passed my test 2 weeks after my 17th birthday. had already saved and bought myself a car. was off-ski.

why is this not a good idea ? many others have mentioned it.

Original poster
wannabeoriginal · 07/05/2010 13:21

Tis sorted, faced with my wrath or dd's tears dh did the decent thing and told dd she would just have to face having her first lesson after her birthday. Sweetened this with a wad of cash to spend on the day instead (expected and resigned to this tbh)
Have fetched replacement birth certificate and now sent it special delivery for monday am so who knows the license may still get here.
Still slightly pissed off at dh's inability to see sense in the face of dd's strops but should be used to it after 17 years.
Not sure whether he realises that he loses my respect and suspect dd's respect equals the extent of her latest demand tbh

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 07/05/2010 13:25

SGB, it's called the law

homebirthmummy4 · 07/05/2010 13:35

well done wannabe. glad to see common sense and spousal loyalty eventually won. i must say though , the bribe! i would tell her if the licence arrives and she gets her lesson on her birthday after all then she should pay it back........or am i just a mean old witch???

homebirthmummy4 · 07/05/2010 13:35

well done wannabe. glad to see common sense and spousal loyalty eventually won. i must say though , the bribe! i would tell her if the licence arrives and she gets her lesson on her birthday after all then she should pay it back........or am i just a mean old witch???