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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that you should not "un-invite" a child to a birthday party

68 replies

extension · 05/05/2010 19:09

Last week, one of the mums from school told me that she was having a party for her dds birthday and said that her dd would like to invite my dd. She told me the date & venue and said that she would be bringing the invites in a few days. She asked me if we would be able to make it and I said yes.

Today at the school gates she approached me and said that she was really embarrassed but unfortunately, she had made a mistake with the numbers and her dd had added 1 too many to the list. She said she had to be strict with numbers because of the cost spiralling and had limited it to 10 friends. And that sadly, my dd would no longer be invited. She said that her dd was really upset about it and she is really hoping that one of the others cant make it so that she can then invite my dd.

I'm pretty certain that nothing has happened in school, nothing has been said by any of the other mums and my dd hasnt said anything. She even said that she has been playing with her dd.

I have no problem with my dd not being invited to the party but I think its really mean to invite then uninvite. The play area is £8 per head for parties, am sure she could have just scraped another £8 and said nothing. I cant see money being all that tight for her, theyve just got a new car, she always has new clothes and buys expensive make-up etc.

I really feel for my daughter and think its just a horrible thing to do.

OP posts:
compo · 05/05/2010 19:11

yanbu

Original poster
extension · 05/05/2010 19:11

Oh, and I did politely tell her that it wasnt necessary to send a late invitation out to replace someone who couldnt go. There is no way I will do that.

OP posts:
Baileysismyfriend · 05/05/2010 19:11

YANBU, what a mean woman!

EdgarAllenPoll · 05/05/2010 19:12

although i am oddly put in mind of recent goings on on Mumsnet,

i say wholeheartedly that you most certainly do not retract an invite unless the whole event is cancelled - it can only cause upset and hurt. Upsetting to anyone of any age TBH.

GrimmaTheNome · 05/05/2010 19:13

YANBU - totally out of order, she made the mistake, she should live with it rather than upsetting her and your DDs.

Bluebell99 · 05/05/2010 19:13

OMG I can't believe a mother would do that! What did you say? I think that was a horrible thing for her to do. How old are the dd's.

alarkaspree · 05/05/2010 19:14

yanbu. That's very rude and potentially hurtful to your dd. The mother screwed up so she should deal with the (£8 so not very severe) consequences.

echt · 05/05/2010 19:14

While her money issues are her own business, the mum should have sucked up her error and stood by her invitation.

The B list invite is just horrible.

YANBU.

scurryfunge · 05/05/2010 19:14

Sounds a bit strange tbh. Do you think she has uninvited several children or just your dd?

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 05/05/2010 19:15

I think your mistake was to mention it to your dd until you got a proper invite but I can understand you wouldn't have expected to need onel

Firawla · 05/05/2010 19:15

That is so rude, and if you had already told your daughter it is quite cruel. Only for £8 she should have just paid the money to sort out the mistake and preserve her decency

Lonicera · 05/05/2010 19:15

that is apalling. Your poor dd

pjmama · 05/05/2010 19:15

That's a pretty crappy thing to do to a child. I hope your DD isn't too upset?

Original poster
extension · 05/05/2010 19:16

I havent mentioned it to my dd luckily. But, her dd told my dd that she would be inviting her so my dd does know about it. I havent told her yet that she wont be going. They are 6 by the way.

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 05/05/2010 19:16

YANBU - I assume that the birthday girl had already told Dd she was going to be invited ? Hopefully she feels suitably embarassed - mum not child.

Imarriedafrog · 05/05/2010 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LittleSilver · 05/05/2010 19:19

Very rude.

Original poster
extension · 05/05/2010 19:20

So, just supposing she sleeps on it tonight and feels suitably embarrassed in the morning and decides to "re-invite" my dd, what would you say??

OP posts:
grapeandlemon · 05/05/2010 19:21

I was in a similar situation re uninviting a girl I really misjudged with costs for Dds party and I checked on here if it was a truly awful thing to do and every poster said it was out of order. So I just bit the bullet and let them come. In reflection it really is a rotten thing to do to a child.

JustBlameSue · 05/05/2010 19:22

I would say "are you sure, because I cannot possibly mention it to DD if this will happen a gain, and I am sure you would understand why"

then tell her to fuck right off and stick said party where the sun don't shine

MadamDeathstare · 05/05/2010 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doodleydoo · 05/05/2010 19:23

I find it extraordinary that the mother said that the dd is hoping that one of the other little girls can't go so that your dd can if that was the case why didn't she disinvite one of the others? Strange is what I say and just a little bit off!

somebodysfool · 05/05/2010 19:24

Its her error and it's very wrong in my opinion. Some people must live on a different planet to the rest of us. I could never do that to anyone child or adult. Hope your dd is ok. Explain to her how some adults never learned good manners when growing up. Then when dd is in bed construct a voodoo doll of the mum and stick pins in it!

LittleRock · 05/05/2010 19:25

Very unkind of her.
She sounds v immature and more than the tiniest bit thick.

SoupDragon · 05/05/2010 19:28

" why didn't she disinvite one of the others? "

how is that any better??

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