To let dd's friend's mum know her daughter is having sex at 13?

[InterferingBusybody]

It could be 14, in fairness (they are in Year Nine).

I was chatting with my dd(13) last night- we have a good relationship, I think, and although she has a boyfriend they don't see much of each other outside school and it's mainly going to the cinema etc. As far as I can tell anyway- I try to be aware where she is and with whom. I am also trying to keep the channels of communication open, and we do chat about general issues, peer pressure, plans for the future etc etc.

She told me that a friend of her's (not a close one) mentioned to her recently that she was worried she was pregnant. Apparently her mum doesn't even know she has a boyfriend. When my dd asked her what she would do if she was, she said that she'd leave them a note and run away. Thankfully, she is not pregnant.

They live in the next street and I know the mum to say hi to. I kind of feel like she should be kept in the loop here, but would my own daughter never confide in me again if I go tittle-tattling to the other girl's mother? Is it none of my business? Or do I have a duty to pass on my concerns?

I am genuinely not sure what, if anything, to do with this information. Can you give me some advice?

My namechange should ideally have a question mark at the end of it!

I think you've absolutely done the right thing, OP. You can be happy that a vulnerable child is being looked out for and there is nothing further that you need to do.

UPDATE

The girl is pregnant

She was too scared to tell her mum, but a teacher telephoned her on her behalf today, according to my daughter.

I am very very sad to hear it.

Oh no.

Oh crap!

That's really sad

I wonder what the school actually did?? Do you know?

As much as I am sure you will feel a bit awful (it's in our nature!!) you need to remind yourself that you did what you (and we) considered the best thing at the time, you couldn't have done more.

A friend of mine made a big deal at the age of 13 about possibly being pregnant, buying a test, not daring to take it, and so on.

It later emerged that she had never even kissed a boy. Girl's magazines are full of "Am i pregnant? I sat on a public toilet, and my period started last year and now it is two days late".

My money is on it being nothing.

Just read the rest of the thread

poor girl

I can't wait until my baby girl reaches her teens it must be blimmin awful.

I don't think I meant to put a doubtful face in that post. It was meant to be a shocked one.

I don't think I meant to put a doubtful face in that post. It was meant to be a shocked one.

It is so hard, MrsCrafty. I have at least been able to have some good in-depth conversations with my own dd about all this- she has told me that this girl feels that as her own mum had her first baby as a teenager (which I hadn't realized), and doesn't get much out of school, she thinks that a baby would be a positive thing.

I have been able to talk to dd about all the opportunities there are to explore in theu world before settling down, and I think she 'gets' this.

Tbh, it does seem to me that it is poverty of aspirations rather than lack of understanding about contraception which seem to be at the root of this poor young girl's situation

I am glad, I suppose, that I did flag this up to the school- at least they seem to be involved and helping her now.

Hi IB, I think you handled it all really well, have managed to maintain your daughter's trust and been able to talk about the issues of teen pregnancy with DD.

I am so sad for the girl in the original post; like you say a poverty of aspiration and 2 generations of teen mothers...

Wow IB, what a tricky situation & that it turns out to be true - think you did the right thing.

For posters wondering about the school nurse - every school has a named school nurse who is based off site but can be contacted via the school office or local PCT. They will be involved with any child with safeguarding issues or in cases like these ie teen pregnancy.

For what its worth I think you did the right thing,
If I had a 13/14 yr old having sex Id want to know.
And I find it unbeliveable some think it was ok for
1 the child to be having sex and
2 to tell the op to mind her own.
What if was you daughter, would it still be ok then and she got pregnant..

If the girl's boyfriend is also under 16 then I don't think that you have any real business to mention it to the mother. If the girl wanted her parents to know then she woul have told them herself. She has not chosen to do so, so you can only assume that their input would not be welcomed by her. Plus, it is only a rumour at this point and her mother quite likely won't thank you for repeating it.

Oh no, just read the update!

Poor girl

Stay out of it - you could risk your open the relationship with your own daughter if she feels she cant trust you.
Plus I dont think the mother of the other girl will appreciate you telling her - 'shoot the messenger'.

As a teacher myself I would also advise against the phoning the school idea. As it will drag you into something you do not belong in.

Tbh 14 year olds having sex is not that unusual. And I say that as head of year 10 is a girls school. It is not the norm but a significant minority are sexually active.

Er, it's moved on, I think.