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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not like my birthday present??

31 replies

ungratefulcow · 04/05/2010 13:04

a package just arrived for me, and it's my belated birthday present from my closest friends...who didn't ask my dh for advice on presents and instead asked someone else..
thing is...i've got two LOs (latest one is 6 wks) and, I sort of feel like there were plenty of other ideas or treats that would have delighted and surprised me...this one isn't insulting or unacceptable, in fact it shows some initiative because they wouldn't have chosen it themselves...but i just want to wail WHYYYYYY....

why did you choose something you don't like anyway
why didn't you ask dh
why give me a present that i do not have time to do with TWO SMALL CHILDREN.....

the timing is rubbish - one of said friends coming over today (and i'm awful at pretending)(and she knows it) and said advisor is also coming tomorrow (and she'll love the present which is why she suggested it ).

HELP. i hate being ungrateful. and i'd normally rant to these people about this so that leaves you guys!!

be gentle. I know IABabitU but i'm also post natal

OP posts:
NoahAndTheWhale · 04/05/2010 13:05

What is the present?

BEAUTlFUL · 04/05/2010 13:07

What is it? A home fanjo-waxing kit? A drumkit? Knives?

paisleyleaf · 04/05/2010 13:08

is it one of those things where you go hurtling down a hill in a big ball?

porcamiseria · 04/05/2010 13:08

what is it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????

porcamiseria · 04/05/2010 13:09

paintballing, ideal for the post natal mother

onepieceoflollipop · 04/05/2010 13:09

If it is a present that at some point in the future you will have time to do something with (whatever it may be?) could you not do your utmost to give you friend a big

Look forward to the time in a few weeks/months when you will have the benefit of something that a close friend has thoughtfully chosen.

These first weeks are tricky, you are sleep deprived etc etc. I can guarantee that if you say anything ungrateful to friend then you will feel much much worse than if you had just smiled. If you are worried that you may seem ungrateful, then before any talk of presents occurs, mention how low/knackered/tearful you are feeling postnatally.

addictedisinthesecondtrimester · 04/05/2010 13:09

what was the gift?

was it a pampering day or something similar? are your friends planning on babysitting when you choose to use the gift?

KissWithAFistula · 04/05/2010 13:09

I'm like this when someone gets me flowers, I hate them, they cost a fortune and yet have to smile and look grateful (really only get from DH and he knows I son;t like flowers, so WHY???)

Can you return without them realising or get them to babysit if it's going out? (That would be a great pressie, tickets to see something and childcare thrown in too!)

You're postnatal and therefore allowed to be sightly U

nancydrewrocks · 04/05/2010 13:10

what.is.it

ActuallyMyNamesMarina · 04/05/2010 13:11

Surely your closest friends should know what you like and wouldn't need to seek advice from your DH or a 3rd party.

Stop being ungrateful............or find some friends who do know you and your likes and dislikes

What is the present - maybe we could organise somethiong like Swap Shop to get you a better one?

JustAnotherManicMummy · 04/05/2010 13:12

YANBU.

I hate people spending a lot of money on an inappropriate present... when they haven't checked with the spouse or partner first.

I too long to scream "Why?!" in those circumstances.

whatwasthatagain · 04/05/2010 13:12

FFS TELL US WHAT IT IS!!!!!

Original poster
ungratefulcow · 04/05/2010 13:13

brilliant advice. blimey - and fast!
and made me laugh so thank you!!

at the risk of being outed, it's a selection of specialist books (novels and the like). but i haven't had the time to read a book in MONTHS - there's a stack of ones I chose upstairs all started and unfinished! these are pretty hardcore but possibly interesting
I suppose it also highlights that maybe we've also grown apart over the last few months...? hence my response might be linked to wider feelings

but yes. save them for a quiet rainy day praps.

Hill rolling sounds FAB btw paisley can you sort my next birthday bash pls

OP posts:
Bleatblurt · 04/05/2010 13:15

That is a FAB present. Give 'em here, I'll have them.

CheekyVimtoGal · 04/05/2010 13:15

well it would help if you mentioned what the present was....

CheekyVimtoGal · 04/05/2010 13:16

I think you ABU, i think your friends were probably thinking tactfully. When you get 5 mins to yourself sit and read a book. YABU

2rebecca · 04/05/2010 13:17

I'd never ask my friends' husbands what to buy them. I ask relatives what they want , and parents of kids, but I like to surprise my friends. The books will keep and if they are interesting you'll be able to read them in the future. Most women don't stop reading just because they have kids, I didn't anyway. You just read smaller chunks at a time.

addictedisinthesecondtrimester · 04/05/2010 13:18

thats a fab present, just smile and tell her you will start reading them the first chance you get! weather it be on holiday when feeding sleeping routines get established or when dp takes them for a few hours to give oyu some peace and quiet

onepieceoflollipop · 04/05/2010 13:18

In a few weeks/months/years you are really going to enjoy those books. It is a kind and thoughtful present. It's not like they are going to go out of date/expire or need using etc.

In the meantime go and buy yourself a present that you can use immediately. I suggest a big bar of chocolate and/or a multipack of belgian buns.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 04/05/2010 13:18

No, it is a crap present for a new mum.

A book of babysitting vouchers is the only book anyone with a child under 3 months needs.

OrmRenewed · 04/05/2010 13:18

OMG! I'd love that! I never haven't had time to read. Never!

Keep them for later. Books are always a Good Thing

Bleatblurt · 04/05/2010 13:20

Oh and you will feel like reading again at some point and will have the time for it but what you wont have time for is looking around a bookshop!! I read lots in the evening when my mini evils are in bed but don't get five minutes peace to look around a bookshop to choose something. This present will be a blessing.

diddl · 04/05/2010 13:21

YABU-you will have time to read!

Lucianne3 · 05/05/2010 15:03

YABU... but you must know that, surely!

For someone to remember your birthday, put thought into what to buy you, ask someone's advice, and buy you a present (even if they get it wrong on all counts) is a generous and kind thing. To be cross about that is really churlish.

Just take them as a reminder that one day, you will have time to read again!

Libra · 05/05/2010 15:30

IMO books are a very thoughtful gift, although not if you have already read them of course.

Are you breastfeeding? I always found that the perfect time to read. My two have dents in their heads from my resting books on top of them while they fed (joke).

Reading doesn't have to have a special quiet long period of time. I have books on the go all over the house - in the loo, by the side of the bed, by the bath, in the kitchen (I read while stirring sauces etc). If you scatter the books around the house you will be surprised at how frequently you pick one up.