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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is my sister??

36 replies

mumbar · 03/05/2010 19:58

Ok I'm fairly new to MN but am prepared for the truth.

Yesterday there was a family party with family (which is large) and hosts friends. Most of family sat in lounge and rest went to dining room etc. Sat chatting and me and aunt both began laughing that we needed the loo but daren't move as we may lose our seats!. About 2 minutes later DS ran in from garden saying he needed loo and went upstairs. After about a minute I thought I'd better go and see he was ok and go myself. My cousin next to me joked he would save my seat by putting his feet up.

When upstairs I knocked on bathroom door and asked DS if he was ok. My sister opened the door and snapped at me he was fine as she was helping him. OK he's 5 and can go alone but I didn't say a word. Next DS gets it out starts to go when my sister asks him a question. Of course he turns round to answer and it goes everywhere. She shouted at him 'look what you've just done your not even looking at what you are doing'. DS finishes and comes out of tiolet straight away and gives me a hug and actually looked quite worried. I said to him have you forgotten something and he replied ' oh yes wash my hands'. At the same time sister opens door and snaps at him ' you haven't even washed your hands and you should be doing this' indicating at the tissue shes using to wipe the seat.

Ds looks worrying at me agin but I just tell him to go and play in garedn.

Fastforward 5 minutes I've been and go downstairs. My sister is sat on the poffy I was on. She was going early as had another function to attend and I knew she was going in a few minutes. I joked to my cousin ' well your chair saving skills are rubbish'. My sister knew nothing of this conversation but asked what I meant. Laughing I said Cousin was going to save seat for me but it was only a laugh and anyway as she was leaviung in a bit I would sit down then, no problem'. People chatted and after about 2 minutes I said ' actually I think I could prob perch on edge here if you don't mind moving across a bit.

Whoops she just looked at me and said why should she share and no she would not. My mum then began making comments like going then girls share I dare you etc. I just stood there shocked and mortified feeling like a kid. My sister was adament she was not going to shar.

DS then comes in from garden is a bit tired and asks for a hug. I give him one. He asks to sit on my lap and I say when I sit down of course he can and to play for a bit. Ds points to room on poffy and says can't you sit there, Sister says no shes not sharing and DS tells her she should share as theres room. Sis says no but he can sit with her. He says why doesn't mummy sit with her and him on my lap and we can all share. (Bless!!). Sister says no and tells him apologise for being rude to her. DS looks at me upset so I suggest he goes and plays again for a bit.

My sister than says if he doesn't apologise she won't go to his class assembly next week. (I can't go as I am working).

DS looks at me I tell him and go play and doorbell goes which is taxi for sister and she leaves.

Sorry it;s so long but I wanted to know AIBU not to make him apologise (Iwould if I thought he was being rude) and/or is my SIS BU to make such a threat?

OP posts:
Tidey · 03/05/2010 20:01

Immediate reaction - she sounds like a right cow.

SirBoobAlot · 03/05/2010 20:03

How old is she?

stoppingat3 · 03/05/2010 20:04

hello, what does she want him to apologise for, telling her to share or the toilet stuff?
Either was she sounds like a nightmare so YANBU!
Does she have children of her own? I say this as I am one of 5 girls and until recently the only one to have children. My three were always fair game for the others to hone their parenting skills.
They still feel its their right to tell mine off and it makes me . Cannot wait till their children get old enough to be told "NO"!
Would suggest you either ignore or get someone to have a word

morejuiceplease · 03/05/2010 20:04

Agree with Tidey. She sounds like a right stroppy cow.

scottishmummy · 03/05/2010 20:04

jesus wept what a fuss about who sat where

what is a poffy?

do you all always fly off handle at such wee stuff.really get a grip

both need to grow up

whomovedmychocolate · 03/05/2010 20:04

You sister sounds like a nutcase! I'd call her up and say 'I'm sorry you are a fruitloop and get upset about nothing'.

So to be clear, she takes responsibility for a five year old going to the loo then tells him off because she distracted him.

Then she gets precious about a footrest.

Oh lordy me, yes she's a nut.

YANBU

Tyson86 · 03/05/2010 20:05

She sounds horrible, my sister would not of got away with talking to my ds like that.

Mummy1868 · 03/05/2010 20:06

YANBU

Sounds like your sis needs to grow up a bit or take something to chill her out.
She comes across like a miserable sod!!

girliefriend · 03/05/2010 20:08

yanbu she sounds horrible, not much of a sister or Aunt, is she always like that? Or was something else going on?!

traceybath · 03/05/2010 20:08

Exactly what scottishmummy said.

Poffy - I am intrigued though . . .

dizzydixies · 03/05/2010 20:08

for crying out loud, how old are you both??

she sounds like a frustrated loon

DuelingFanjo · 03/05/2010 20:10

I think YABU to let it bother you so much really.

What's your relationship like the rest of the time?

ArseAmatoria · 03/05/2010 20:12

Poffy, tbh I read it that after 5 mins she was sat on the potty which would make sense given that she sounds like a very small child!

She sounds a bothersome person who was in poor form that day, I wouldn't get into asking your ds to apologise because he'll be as confused as anyone else reading that - not clear on what he should apologise for!

SIBU.

ZZZenAgain · 03/05/2010 20:15

your sister sounds a bit tense. I would ask someone else to go to the class assembly, can your mum go?

scottishmummy · 03/05/2010 20:17

hell if she hold you to ransom about school do,disinvite her.

SugarMousePink · 03/05/2010 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleLostPrincess · 03/05/2010 20:19

YANBU, for goodness sake, she sounds awful and extremely childish!! I'd ring her to confirm if she's coming to his assembly next week or not as you will happily make other arrangements if not; making it clear that he has nothing to apologise for. That is truly pathetic and I'm surprised your mum let her act like that in her house towards her grandchild too!!!

scottishmummy · 03/05/2010 20:22

too much high expressed emotion.is it always like this.do you and sis get on,is this fairly typical behaviours

all sounds v terse and juvenile

SirBoobAlot · 03/05/2010 20:30

I think OP means a pouffe...

Elasticwoman · 03/05/2010 20:36

God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.

Sounds like too many people packed into too small a space.

I wouldn't be happy about another person taking my son to the loo unless they had been asked.

Maybe she just wants an excuse not to go to the school assembly. I wouldn't want her there anyway, she sounds vile. I wouldn't make your son apologise either. It's much too long after the event any way for a 5 year old.

On the other hand, we've only heard your side of the story. What do you think she would say, if she were telling it?

mumbar · 03/05/2010 20:43

Thanks everyone. I agree it seemed a big fuss over a poufeee but what started as a giggle about musical chairs, the 3 second rule etc and holding on to our bladders turned nasty when I suggested sharing. Being from a large family (bout 40 of us in total) this is not an unusual - if a little sad! - joke.

Its hard to answer the do we get on question. I get on with her but she as she put it 'she doesn't have to like me just cos I'm her sister' so I guess maybe the relationship is strained from that point of view but surely at 27 she can be polite?

I think maybe she wants DS to apologise because she is not use to anyone standing up to her and she felt a little put out by it?

Got a close friend going to school so thats sorted.

She has made a similar comment before when DS was playing with her at the end of his birthday party. As guests were leaving he went to say goodbye and she kept calling him back. He said he would after he said goodbye and she told him if he didn't stay and talk to her she wouldn't have to to sleep the following week.

OP posts:
mumbar · 03/05/2010 20:45

OMG I am making her sound awful which isn't my intention as shes not always like this just think shes a strong personality who likes her own way.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 03/05/2010 20:47

I would be really really angry about this. I can recommend a really really helpful book called, "Sisters, Never Weren't Such Lovely Sisters" which looks in depth at this kind of thing. It is available on Amazon for about £1.00.

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 03/05/2010 20:54

So your sister drives you nuts at times, but obviously she loves you and your son enough to involved in your day to day life, such as
volunteering to go his assemblies, have him to sleep over etc.

Just let it go ,sounds like a very childish squabble to me, the grist to the mill of a normal family.Forgive, forget, remember what's important.

mumbar · 03/05/2010 21:26

Yes she does love DS I don't question this at all iwastooearly and she is a great aunt - she just has a very strong personality.

OP posts: