to hate someone else's child??

[catinboots]

DS1 is 10 and we live in a small rural village. Another boy from down the road often comes and knocks on my door to play with DS. DS doesn't mind playing with him every now and again (most of his school friends live in a different village). The thing is - I cannot stand him. He's one of those kids that is just trouble. When they play together DS often ends up with ripped clothes or broken stuff. DS has done a couple of really stupid and dangerous things when he's been with him that he would never think to do when he's with his school chums.

He doesn't wait to be invited too - he just turns up. I've also heard him swearing and talking about stuff that isn't appropriate for a 10 year old. At this point I just send him home. i would just ban him altogether but the problem is that his mum is my cleaner. And I really like my cleaner!! She's a great cleaner and we get on well. She's a single mum of 4, works bloody hard and has had a really hard time in life. I just couldn't say anything to her her. But everytime her kid turns up my blood starts to boil.

Am I being unreasonable????

Peasontoast, I find you rather pathetic, tbh.

OP hope you find a way to deal with this; clear boundaries and clear communication with both boys seems to be the way to go.

Given the foul language you use on here, is it any wonder the other boy uses such bad language? Perhaps he's picked it up from you!!

2/10 for this

Very constructive tuarag.

Fgs tuarag, she's just trying to hang on to her cleaner (who works very hard for her)without having to put up with the cleaner's riffraff brat - give her a break!!!! If you've read the rest of the thread you know that you'll come crawling back to apologise sooner or later.

What a strange post. I stick by my comments. It is ironic that the OP complains about the other boys bad language whilst f-ing and blinding herself.

That's not the only ironic thing...

OMG you are bizarre! I am happy to say shit, fuck & arsebiscuits, but not that my daughter use the same. That would be because I am an adult and she is a child ! Is that too complex for you to understand? Or are you too up your inversely-snobby-arses to really think this one through??

Lucianne3

I've always believed in leading by example, tbh. Strange, I know.

YANBU, I think the answer is to make your son play near the house until he stops doing stupid dangerous things, so that if his mate wants to play with him, he has to stay within supervisable boundaries.

Whether or not he 'just turns up' is irrelevant really, most 10 year olds call for each other without prior arrangement.

And I don't think you're a snob.

Catinboots - YANBU IMO.

You said your son isn't bothered whether he plays with this boy or not.

When he comes over why don't you just say that your boy can't play today. The boy will soon get the message.

If your cleaner is one of those rare (it seems to me) assertive, direct people, who asks you why little Johnny hasn't been able to play recently you can just say calmly that things have been busy recently and also you felt the two boys were a bad influence on each other - see below

I have a similar situation with two different children.

One, who comes over a lot to play and often causes arguments with my dcs. I have "trained" my dcs to always ask me if they are allowed to play before just letting her in and starting to play. If it doesn't suit that day, I say no and send the child home. Easy. If I do let her in and trouble starts, I send her home.

Also, my ds was having trouble with another boy and I spoke to the parents but rather than blame their child, I emphasised the fact that they were both lovely boys but seemed to bring out the worst in each other, although secretly I blamed the other boy as my boy is an angel . They agreed to greatly lessen contact between the boys.

Hopefully you can tackle the situation without losing your cleaner.

Why should you have to put up with a boy who sounds dangerous and a pain? No reason in my view. HTH.

PS If your child did fall off a roof or drown in a loch, I expect you would rather have lost your cleaner. Food for thought. good luck.

Catinboots - I agree, the main issue is how to teach your DS not to be a sheep. If you find a good way, do let me know, I could use one.

In the meantime, next time this child comes round, I would sit him and DS down and explain that given incidents X, Y and Z you can no longer trust the pair of them to play undupervised and that you are therefore imposing the following restrictions... (i.e. they stay within given boundaries (including vertical ones))

If the other boy doesn't like it, he will find someone else to play with - problem solved. If he conforms - problem solved.

...sounds easy when you write it down

that would be unsupervised. Not sure how you go about dupervising someone

The thing is it's not like your ds is desperate to play with this boy so what's the problem with telling him to sling his hook?!

Eurostar, haha v. good.

Seriously, Catinboots... YANBU to hate (or rather, dislike) another person's child. Children are people and we can not like everyone.

In this instance however, at age ten, I would suggest that your DS has had his social and moral self moulded by genetics and environment fairly robustly by now, and the odd "bad influence" will be more an education that the world is full of all sorts of people, not just his perfectly mannered chums. I am sure he will continue to be a good kid.