Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think this is not actually "spoiling" my dc?

64 replies

shimmerygoldglitter · 02/05/2010 23:38

Have two dc, one ds and one dd. Dd is still in a cot with me at present but really needs to move into a big bed pretty soon.

So as ds is 7 and dd is 2 I have decided to give up my bedroom so that they may have a bedroom each and I will get a bed settee in the living room and make the best of it. Not ideal of course as love having my own room but there you go, never mind, plenty worse happens at sea etc.

Well I mentioned my plan to a family member and got a big long lecture about "giving up my own space" and "spoiling" my dc, should put them in together apparently.

Opinions please, am lone parent so do not have dh or dp to consider in this.

OP posts:

Original poster

shimmerygoldglitter · 03/05/2010 00:12

Thank you all very much. Really given me something to think about, not just about the bedroom but about everything else and me needing to be the head of the family etc. I would actually be able to partition the rooms off in a year or two anyway so moving out of my room not really at all necessary. Thanks again.

OP posts:

kickassangel · 03/05/2010 00:28

what is your favourite colour? if your ex is so keen to 'help' with updating the sleeping arrangements, he could perhaps come & paint YOUR room that colour for you, put a few little embellishments etc. you know, really make it your place, as i bet the kids have the big bedroom AND spread toys everywhere else.

or is he not so keen to help if it makes you happier?

Macforme · 03/05/2010 01:13

I have four DC and at one point three of them had to share a small room... just enough for a pair of bunks, and a single bed a small walkway between them...no wardrobes!
They coped and didn't seem to mind much and actually enjoyed being together

One thing you could do is create a semi divide in the room... we did this later for out two children.. a bit of MDF shaped into a smooth curve between the two beds gave each child a bit of privacy... and they each chose a colour for their side

Please give yourself a room... it is very important...

If it helps... my kids are all teens now...and still share by CHOICE!!! They love their late night conversations...

colditz · 03/05/2010 01:16

I think you are setting your children up with the idea that you do not have needs, that your wants do not need to be taken into account, that you are not a real person, you are just a Mother, and therefore don't have any human rights.

Yes, you are spoiling them. You are letting them believe you do not matter as a person and do not need a proper sleeping area. Even a 6dog^ has it's own bed which doesn't get used for anything else during the day.

colditz · 03/05/2010 01:19

And HELL no I wouldn't. I'm a grown woman, and the head of my house hold. I get a bedroom. I am not a fricking house servant.

Tortington · 03/05/2010 01:21

get a single bed then you can get two singles in one room and you could either move to a single in a smaller room or share with the youngest.

no need to go all mother martyr shit

MadamDeathstare · 03/05/2010 01:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thumbwitch · 03/05/2010 01:43

Why in God's name are you stil allowing your exH to abuse you in this way?? He no longer has a say in what you do in your home so he can feck right off with his "you're being selfish to have your own room while my DC have to share" - no doubt he'd complain if you slept in a kennel in the garden that you'd be taking up too much of their playing space as well!

Agree with others - your DC will be fine to share and you need your space. Tell your ex to take another running jump as he obviously didn't go far enough on the first one. for you that this knobend is still making you feel unworthy.

solo · 03/05/2010 01:48

I'm planning a partition in my room and going to swap with my Dc's. They share atm and it's been fine, but there is 8.4 years between them and different sexes. I wasn't going to do it, but Ds isapproaching 12 and needs his own space.
OP, you also need your own space. I wouldn't give up my room.

thumbwitch · 03/05/2010 01:54

how are you, m'dear? Still up then!

kickassangel · 03/05/2010 02:03

can you just put some bookshelves up to 'partition' their room for now? gives storage & you can get some vv cheap things from places like IKEA. then each dc has their 'own' space, but you can have your own room to yourself. also gives some storage for all their things.

Snooks14 · 03/05/2010 02:14

I also agree with all those thinking that you should keep one of the bedrooms for yourself.
When you have kids it can be easy to slip into that mind set of always them first but you count just as much and I'm a bit concerned as to how it would look for then that mummy's bedroom is also the living room!!! If you don't need to do it then don't. And especially don't let your ex talk you in to it.

cat88 · 03/05/2010 06:33

I agree with keeping one room for yourself but would suggest you spilt the other room now - even with furniture - so the DC feel that they have their own space too. Even if they are good sleepers now that may change.

My two decided to sleep in the same room this weekend as in laws staying...DC2 has been waking up v early every morning and poor DC1 is knackered...

Also if you give up your own room now and find you really need your own space its going to be more difficult to achieve...

cat88 · 03/05/2010 06:34

My two decided to sleep in the same room this weekend as in laws staying...DC2 has been waking up v early every morning and poor DC1 is knackered...

Also if you give up your own room now and find you really need your own space its going to be more difficult to achieve...

Longtalljosie · 03/05/2010 08:59

You need your own room. Your children won't mind sharing.

Plus - you are teaching them valuable lessons about the importance of being a mother and a woman - what that means in life. If you debase yourself (too strong a word but you know what I mean) for their comfort, that is what your DS will expect from his future partner, and that is what your DDs will assume is in their future.

For your children's sake, teach them that a mother, a parent and a woman is something to be respected.

maduggar · 03/05/2010 09:04

I slept in a cupboard to give my DDs their own rooms!

fernie3 · 03/05/2010 09:05

I would keep a room for myself. children, especially so young dont need their own space to that extent - grown women do. When the sex difference becomes more of an issue you can split the room somehow.

junglist1 · 03/05/2010 09:06

What Colditz said. Why do you think they need their own room so badly? Lots of children share. Is that wrong?

maduggar · 03/05/2010 09:06

Oops, sorry, hadnt read all the thread when I psoted

Original poster

shimmerygoldglitter · 03/05/2010 09:09

Yes you are all right, have slept on it and won't be doing it for now.

I have already moved into the single room and given them the big room a year or two ago to get ready for when they shared and because they have so much STUFF!

The room can easily be divided leaving acceptably sized single rooms so this is what I will do.

"that is what your DS will expect from his future partner, and that is what your DDs will assume is in their future."

One of the big issues in our marriage was me not meeting expectations of exh, his mother gave up everything mainly for her husband though rather than her children didn't have a career, never had any money of her own etc and I always said throughout our marriage that exh expected the same of me. He used to get really angry when i said i wanted to re-train and it might cost him or inconvenience him in anyway he just didn't think I was worth it, I was just there to look after him and the dc and keep quiet. So no I certainly DO NOT want MY ds to treat his future partner like that or have those expectations.

OP posts:

junglist1 · 03/05/2010 09:12

Thank God he's your ex. What's great now is you get to make all the choices in the house without having to answer to a twat.

posieparker · 03/05/2010 09:15

Be careful, losing your own space may send a message to your children that you are not as important as them.

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/05/2010 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

runnybottom · 03/05/2010 09:46

Don't do it. You don't want to and they don't need it. Your EX is still controlling you.

foureleven · 03/05/2010 10:01

Are you interested in meeting someone else at some stage? Could make things tricky if no bedroom of your own.

Flip

1 2 3