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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset at being called a 'slapper'?

39 replies

foreverastudent · 30/04/2010 18:29

At parents and toddlers' group this morning one of the Mums said she overheard a child at our children's school asking her mum "Is he my new Daddy?". The group then proceeded to slag off single parents/mums with kids by different men. The Mum who made the original comment then called such women 'slappers'. Everyone else laughed.

They don't know me very well and obviously didn't realise that I was a single mum before I met my current partner, with whom I've had another child.

I was so I didn't say anything.

I know I should just brush this off, but I've been feeling quite depressed recently and was hoping that by going to this group I could make soem new friends and not feel so
lonely isolated. I can see that's not going to happen now.

OP posts:
Aliarse · 30/04/2010 18:31

they dont sound like the sort of people to be friends with TBH

can you find another group?

ThorNogson · 30/04/2010 18:32

I can't believe that people think like this anymore. Single mothers/fathers and new partners are so common these days. They sound annoying and smug and I'm sending them a virtual kick up the arse.

Try not to dwell on it or take it personally.

TripleThreatIcansingIcandanceI · 30/04/2010 18:34

They sound like people you can quite happily spend your days NOT being friends with

TulipsInTheSunshine · 30/04/2010 18:34

what a shower of bitches.

you're better off without friends like that tbh!

donnie · 30/04/2010 18:35

not unreasonable at all. she sounds awful - but don't let it get you down. There are lots of other mums wanting to make friends too.

recireci · 30/04/2010 18:37

Oh dear It doesn't sound as if you're going to get on with these people. I hope you find a friendlier group

wonderingwondering · 30/04/2010 18:37

That sort of conversation usually starts with one small-minded bored person making a statement and everyone else following mindlessly. I suspect the majority of women there would be horrified and embarrassed (quite rightly) to hear that someone who falls within their petty little stereotype was listening and now feels as you do.

Try not to worry about it, but don't be afraid of going back and letting them know your circs if the subject comes up. They won't all be awful, I'm sure!

Ladyanonymous · 30/04/2010 18:38

Their husbands are probably off shagging our sort behind their backs anyway

Love A Fellow Slapper

MadameOvary · 30/04/2010 18:42

What about widows who went on to meet a new partner and have more kids? Astonishingly judgey and small-minded.

diddl · 30/04/2010 18:43

I agree with wondering

I would go back-they weren´t the only mums there & I´m sure weren´t speaking for everyone there.

wonderingwondering · 30/04/2010 18:43

Or anyone whose relationship just didn't work out? It's hugely smug and lacking in empathy to adopt that sort of attitude.

saslou · 30/04/2010 18:54

Chances are, one day at least one of these women will have their marriage break up and then will be in the position of trying to forge new relationships and will possibly have babies in these new relationships. Would be interesting to meet them again then!I don't get why some people are so smug about this - people who are lucky enough to have lasting relationships should acknowledge that they have been fortunate to meet nice, honest, faithfull men and not be so bitchy just because others have been less fortunate. Would be inclined to mention this if you did see them again and this topic came up

Firawla · 30/04/2010 19:01

They sound horrible, such stupid comments to make as anyone can become a single parent its not their "fault", it could happen to those women themselves so why they would make themselves seem so above it i dont know.. but i would still go back to the group atleast for a couple more times just to see how it goes, they can't be the whole group who goes there? well if they really are all like that you could find another group but its worth giving another chance. If they do say that kind of comments again though challenge them on it as the poster above said?

Tiredmumno1 · 30/04/2010 19:07

I agree with ladyanonymous.

op just ignore such ignorant behaviour, i bet all isnt rosy behind closed doors, they are probably jealous.

maybe they are wannabe slappers

LisaD1 · 30/04/2010 19:31

OP- Ignore the stupid cows!

I am clearly a slapper too! Had my first DD (10) with my first H, who turned out to be a tosser, divorced, was single mum, now remarried (happily) and have DD2 (2.5). If that makes me a slapper

McSnail · 30/04/2010 19:39

I loathe the word 'slapper'. And I loathe the type of person who uses it.

Silly twunts.

waitingforbedtime · 30/04/2010 19:50

did everyone else really laugh? everyone? if so theyre a bunch of eejits - if not maybe try an befriend the more normal non laughing ones.

yanbu

scottishmummy · 30/04/2010 19:55

nasty comment.but no reason to exclude yourself from other potential pals.sometimes people laugh because of social conformity rather than agreeing

Janos · 30/04/2010 19:56

YABU, but only in the sense that you wouldn't want to be pals with people like that anyway.

Plus, scottishmummy makes a good point.

Magaly · 30/04/2010 20:01

I have noticed that people who make mean comments about single parents (in my earshot, knowing I'm a single parent) usually have 1) engagement rings so tiny that you would need an electron microscope to view the diamond, and 2) a very ugly or boring or nerdy husband. Or all 3. Or all 4.

so you have to understand that being a smug married is all they have.

I agree that most people are going to be a lot nicer. Piss her off by making sure her chums really like you.

DaydreamDolly · 30/04/2010 20:05

YANBU

Small minded idiots. I can't bear women like this, judging others to make them feel better about their own sad existences.

Go back to the group and find some like minded mums, avoid the twats.

colditz · 30/04/2010 20:08

your life will be so much sweeter without these people in it.

MudandRoses · 30/04/2010 20:08

what a shower of bitches.

What a marvellous phrase, Tulips! I steal it

SanctiMoanyArse · 30/04/2010 20:10

YAANBU

how could you be U to be upset to be called names?

Pepsiginn · 30/04/2010 20:13

F*ckaroony - people can be very very small-minded - and that is exactly the type of thing to hang around in my head for a few days making me feel supper-down about.
But i do think it's worth giving some of the people there the benefit of the doubt - especially if it was a new group. A lot of people go along with something (even if it's just a snort/snigger) to conform and there may be someone there trying to fit in and find some friends just like you.

Ignore their comments - and forget the stupid label - as long as you are comfortable in your own skin it doesn't matter what anyone else calls it.