to hate painful anniversaries which no one else remembers?

[EccentricaGallumbits]

Just noticed the date and i'm

no one else remembers or cares.

What's up, Eccentrica? Is it something we can remember with you?

I know what you mean

Can we remember with you?

I hear you. It's shit. You feel like the only person who remembers and cares.

Can we help?

yanbu 21st march...my first babys due date, gets me every year, no one else remembers

hope you are ok

{{hugs}} I know the feeling x Do you want to talk about it?

Ectopic 2001.
still hurts

Of course it does. The thoughts of what could have and should have been.........

Be kind to yourself

YANBU

I'm so sorry for you, it is the same for a lot of people though - 02 Feb - my daughter's birthday no one remembered and then because I made everyone feel bad they all remembered the anniversary of her death (aged 2).

Be kind to yourself today.

I think it feels so hurtful when the world seems to move on but you haven't.

EccentricaGallumbits, I had a ruptured ep 4 years ago and will never get over the loss of my 3rd baby.

I am fortunate enough to have had another baby 7 months ago but that still doesn't detract from the pain.

In my heart I will always have 4 children, its just that one of them is in heaven

And I do care, because I know exactly what you are going through xx will be thinking of you and your baby in Heaven xx

Thank you.

First, may I offer my heartfelt sympathies for everyone who has lost a child on this thread.

Secondly, I'd like to thank you for making this thread just when I wanted to know about this sort of thing. My friend has just miscarried, and I was wondering if I should do something on what would have been the due date, and whether it would be appropriate for me to send flowers or something next year on the date of the baby's passing. Bit of a dilemma and not one I wanted to ask about, but thanks to you I have now noted the date on my calender and will remember with her next year. I know this doesn't help you but it's good for those of us who want to support someone to know it's welcomed. Eccentrica - perhaps people don't want to say something incase we bring up painful memories. I'm sure people haven't forgotten we just don't know what to say.

YANBU

I am sorry for you.

No one ever remembers the day my baby was due and after writing me a 5 page letter attacking me, and saying it will be many years before she will celebrate her birthday again, because I miscarried my baby on that day, she celebrated as normal.

It is tough.

No one ever mentions the day my nana died either.

Thinking of you all.

bluenosebear, My friend always just gives me a knowing hug on the anniversary on the day my baby died. I don't need much more, it just helps hugely to know that someone remembered. You sound like a fab friend!

I know how you feel about anniversaries

we had a stillborn 6 years ago and last year, despite since then having a healthy wonderful baby and no intention of TTC again, I was in a really bad state over the fact that SIL's baby was due the same week as my baby had been born/died. I was dreading for 6 months it being born on "our" day, forever taking that date away from us.

I know they could not help the timing and babies come when they are ready, but it hurt having to explain to in laws WHY I was really worried about their baby arriving on that date.

luckily he came 2 days beforehand!

A colleague of my dh had a stillborn baby boy about 10 days before Christmas. He would have been 21 last Christmas. It has always stayed with me, it was at a difficult time in my life but it got to me. Maybe people do remember - just not the ones you expect! Look after yourself, times like these are hard.

I still remember the dates I miscarried and due dates...alone. I have had 2 other wonderful children since whom I adore, just get annoyed when I'm told that my early miscarriages weren't really babies anyway.

So sorry Eccentrica. Be kind to yourself today. x

Again. Thanks. I'm OK. It's many years ago but it's the sudden kick in the gut and pain when it creeps up again.
The DDs are getting in from school now so will keep my mind on the straight and narrow for a few hours.
Don't know whether to mention it to DH. He'd be all blokey and silent or will admit to not remebering and then i'll be sad again so maybe best to keep it to myself.

I think it's honestly a stretch to expect people to bring up your losses or sadnesses before you do if you know what I mean.

If you look outwardly OK, then even your most sensitive friend might feel bad about 'reminding' you or bringing up past sadnesses.

I think that when sad anniversaries roll around, you could mention to your closest friend why you are feeling sad, and then they'll be able to support you. I bet they haven't forgotten your loss, they just don't know how best to handle certain anniversaries etc.

So sorry you're feeling like this.

I don't see why it stretches people TBH.

I would expect (for eg) my Mum to remember now DS and DD's birthdays so why not DD1's?

It may be sad for them, but so what, it's sad for me too. They can't upset you anymore than you already are.

And that is my whole theory on why it's not ok.

Im suprised to find this here as its a very sad anniversary for me too, not for the same reason, but it still hurt my heart 9 yrs on.
Im sorry for you EG
Have a big cuddle with your LO's xx

I feel like that on due date of DC even though miscarriage happened 8 ears ago and again with my mum's anniversary who died when I was a child. This year it was about lunchtime when I realised what the date was. I was so annoyed with myself because I wouldnt like her to think I'd forgotten her - just didnt realise what the date was. Life is so fast and time goes so quick but sometimes I just want time to stand still for a moment so I can scream how much it still bloody hurts.

EG I am so sorry for your loss and I agree it's one of those things that you never get over.

I lost a baby last November, he would have been due 2 weeks from today. It's killing me! Remains to be seen if dh or my mum remembers or acknowledges

No one, even my mum remembers my 1st Mc, let alone when he/she should have been born, funnily enough or not as the case maybe, Estimated arrival date would have been the 11/7 same day as my dad's birthday

Have a vague idea of how you feel..