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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that perhaps MIL should not be showing her friends round my house?

32 replies

Megatron · 29/04/2010 16:45

I like my mother in law, really I do, though she can be a bit of a pain but then so can I sometimes. We recently moved house (last week) and are still waiting for some bedroom furniture to arrive so bedrooms are a disaster zone i.e. living out of cardboard boxes at the moment. I had an appointment this morning and MIL very kindly offered to watch DD while I was out. Anyway, I returned to find a car in my driveway that I've never seen before, come in to my house and no one about. Go upstairs and find MIL showing her cronie (who I have never even met) round our bedrooms. It turns out MIL rang her friend and asked her round for coffee so she could show her our new house. I'm a bit hacked off by this, not just because I was a bit mortified at all the boxes but just that it's MY house, not hers to show folk around like a bloody museum curator! I think it's cheeky and when MIL said 'I hope you don't mind' I did say 'well I'd rather you didn't do it again' and now she's in the huff. AIBU?

OP posts:
ray81 · 29/04/2010 16:48

YANBU - she shouldnt even be inviting people to your house for coffee without asking let alone showing them around. Its your house.

DecorHate · 29/04/2010 16:48

I think you said the right thing and hopefully she will get over her huffiness....

Thankfully my mother and MIL live nowhere near me!

grottielottie · 29/04/2010 17:19

This sound like the sort of thing my MIL would do, but probably only out of pride in her son.

Does it really matter, she was doing you a favor afterall?

withorwithoutyou · 29/04/2010 17:25

I think that her and her mate both sound really barking.

Who would offer to do something like that, and who would accept?

Crackers. YANBU.

Milliways · 29/04/2010 17:29

My Mum sonetimes house-sits for us, and she often has friends round - who like the change of scenery, but she DID ask if we would mimd first (and as she is feeding our animals etc I have no problem).

Your MIL is a bit out of order though!

emsyj · 29/04/2010 17:29

I think it's bizarre that she would want to do that, but possibly it's a syndrome related to that 'viewing show houses that we have no intention of buying as a Sunday afternoon activity' thing?? I would have probably told her I thought it was odd, but otherwise my general response would have been... meh. Who cares? But if it bothers you, then you have done the right thing to nip it in the bud and she is probably just embarrassed. She'll get over it.

CwtchyMama · 29/04/2010 17:32

My fil used to do this every Christmas when his mum would come up for the holidays.

It used to really piss me off cos he would just stand up & show her round without even asking us.

It was a pride thing cos mil told him off once about it & he replied with i just want her to go home & tell her sidekicks how lovely my sons home is.

YANBU.

PeppaPigot · 29/04/2010 17:33

ha
my mum does this

dejavuaswell · 29/04/2010 17:42

I think you handled it exactly right and better than I would have done in the same circumstances.

MintHumbug · 29/04/2010 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Duritzfan · 29/04/2010 18:01

When dh and I went to meet the couple who we bought our current house from - the il's car was on the drive - when we rang the bell we were told cheerily "oh your mums here already" - and we walked through to find them having coffee with the owners !
Needless to say we hadn't invited them but they had taken it upon themselves to join us so they could have a nose at the house ..
We hadn't even moved in yet !

SloanyPony · 29/04/2010 18:05

But she gave birth to your husband so she kind of owns it too. Apparently.

This is what my MIL thinks. As she turns the knob down on the central heating because she's hot. Take your manky old cardigan off then you miserable old bawbag.

Whoa where did that come from?!?

motherbeyond · 29/04/2010 18:39

my mum does stuff like this!...don't mind really,it is a pride thing..look how well they've done etc

femalevictormeldrew · 29/04/2010 21:19

We are building a house at the moment and I just KNOW my MIL is going to do this. And I am going to buy a rampant rabbit, handcuffs and any other items that I can find, and lay them on the bed so when she walks in it'll be the first thing they see. That'll put a stop to it

2rebecca · 29/04/2010 22:20

These sorts of comments make me really glad my parents lived several hours away and inlaws weren't local, plus we didn't tend to tell them the minutuae of our lives. I would have felt about 12 if my parents had invited themselves to a meeting I'd arranged with owners of a house i was buying and would have told them so (not in front of the owners).
Your MIL was rude and inconsiderate, at least you told her.
Some of you need to stop telling your relatives stuff as the boundaries are obviously fuzzy and they are getting overinvolved in your lives rather than living their own.

zipzap · 29/04/2010 23:27

At least you have an excuse if you have just moved in and are still waiting for furniture

my bedroom is a disaster zone and I have no excuse other than too long spent on MN

Heracles · 30/04/2010 00:03

You seemed perfectly reasonable; don't sweat it...

Ozziegirly · 30/04/2010 00:11

I suggest leaving a large dildo on the bed in pride of place, along with a gimp mask casually strewn on the nightstand.

This should discourage future unexpected visits.

BitOfFun · 30/04/2010 00:23

Oh give her a break- she's proud of you!

Henny1995 · 30/04/2010 00:45

To be honest, I think you should cut her a little slack. She's obviously proud of her family and is showing off a bit to her friend perhaps. It's a liberty, I know, but I think the spirit in which it's intended is a good one. It's a "Look, haven't my son and his wife done well!" an acknowledgement of your achievements in this respect. You may find yourself doing the same thing one day yourself, you never know

MadamDeathstare · 30/04/2010 00:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Henny1995 · 30/04/2010 01:03

No, it's not strange, it's generational.

MadamDeathstare · 30/04/2010 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hesteria · 30/04/2010 13:56

It's probably a family/cultural thing- some families are more "boundary-oriented" than others. I'd be just the opposite- I love people dropping in unannounced and treating my house as if it was their own. (Obviously this applies to family and close friends- not random strangers.)

I get a bit of a thrill when friends help themselves from my fridge without asking. It means they feel properly at home.

pagwatch · 30/04/2010 14:04

It is a pride thing. Odd but from a place of love...

My mother carries pictures of my house in her handbag and makes me write down the names of places we go to so she can drop them into conversations with people

The funniset one is when she stays she sneaks out any bags she can find from posh stores from my house and, when she is back home, carries them up to her local supermarket . I always wonder what she says to people ifthey should , by any chance say, 'oooh, what did you buy at xxx then'
It is odd.But it is quite endearing.
I plan to do way weirder stuff when I am her age