In thinking this is a step too far regarding facebook photos ??

[SwissCheeseIsHolyCheesus]

Have a 'friend' on their who I know from school, we only chat on there, swap photos etc usual stuff.

Sadly her baby died in August last year, I don't know how and I would never ask because we don't know each other personally.

I have just received a tagged album (not from her, somebody else) full of photos of the babies grave, his siblings kneeling and praying at the grave, his parents, arms wrapped around each other looking at the flowers, cards etc

I understand that these pictures were maybe put up to show people flowers etc they sent, it's not the parents I have issue with.

It's the person who tagged them to me, family/friend or whatever randomly distributing such personal photographs to someone who dosent really know them ?

So aibu in thinking people are becoming desensitised and over reliant on bloody facebook ? I've deleted the lot btw.

Putting the photos on there is a personal choice and I was about to say YABU. But then I saw you'd been tagged in them!! How bizarre is that?

YANBU

Exactly, v strange.

YANBU, its fine for people to put these on FB if they want to ( helps with the greiving process) , but they have to make it a secure page.
I also clicked onto a friends link and was looking at some pictures of a baby i didn't know, 3rd picture in i realised the baby was actually dead and quickly emailed friend to tell her the link she had given me was not for her to give and she should tell her friend to make it secure so its just family/friends IYKWIM.

I would feel mortified if i was the babies mother and i knew a stranger had been gawking at them.
obviously it wasn't her fault, but i didn't know or wasn't warned about what it was and i wish i hadn't seen them.

I think there are some memorial websites for stillborn children, i think that would be more apporpriate, but if it helps her, then let it be, just make sure its private

I am a bit that someone would take photos at a funeral. I haven't been to many funerals and never a child's but surely this isn't the norm?

It's the tagging thats upset me, she didnt send them ( a family member did ) but they don't even know me !

nd i'm not going to contact her, I wouldnt want to cause any upset, those photos were really heartbreaking.

Oh yes - my aunt was horrified to find she'd been tagged in photos by a distant cousin at my Grans funeral.

I was also a bit shocked when a friend told me she'd posted their 6 week scan photo on facebook, given she has had 4 miscarriages surely it's just a little early?

I don't think it was the funeral, they were wearing casual clothes etc.

I know when my mum died we went to the cemetary and took photos of the flowers etc, there is no right or wrong way to grieve after all.

But I would be furious if somebody passed those photos on to a virtual stranger.

what does tagged ina photo mean?
[facebook dunce]

Just de-tag yourself, problem solved. Some people do the most inappropriate and bizzare things in grief.

Basicly swapping/sending photos polarbear

Stealth, tagged means your name has been 'attached' to a photo so it appears on your personal page.

Bloody nora! What a horrible thing to happen for starters - and then to be paraded around on a social networking site a good few months later... urgh.

YANBU - and i feel sorry for your friend.

I think people lose their dignity with facebook. I can't believe the personal things my friends share for all their 'friends' to see.

oh i see thasnks
I thought ti meant that someone had registered that I was in the photo!

Tagging you in a photo is supposed to mean that you appear in that photo, StealthPolarBear. It's bloody annoying when someone tags you in a photo you're not actually in anyway (if they want do draw your attention to the photo there are other better ways of doing it) but taking someone else's personal photos and tagging someone who isn't in them is annoying and weird.

Well your friend is missing her child & I guess she is using these pictures as a way of honouring him/her & remembering.

My friend lost her baby boy to Meningitis a couple of years ago & she posted pics on there immediately after his death. I don't see anything wrong with this, as it was & is a coping mechanism.

Don't know if I would do it, but I prayer to God I am never in a place where I would have to.

Could it be that they were tagging the flowers/gifts with the person who gave them? I've had people tag me in photos of their kids and thought "why have I been tagged in this?" and then realised they're wearing an outfit I've handed down or playing with a toy I've given. It's easy to tag the wrong person with the same first name by accident.

God knows, I didnt send any flowers or anything and he died back in August.

Just to me photos of his mummy and daddy comforting each other at his grave are very personal and shouldnt be flogged around facebook.

YANBU I heard from an old school friend on fb, haven't actually seen him since we were 18. He moved away and had a little baby, it was a premmie and sadly passed away. I have never met the wife or the baby.

i was invited to a group "we'll never forget..." etc etc.

I thought it was a bit weird, same as you pics of the grave etc. It's all very sad but I wouldn't set one up for my grandad and dad and expect people to mourn over them not really knowing them.

i declined the invite, i dunno just felt uber uncomfortable with it all...

This wasnt a premmie baby, he was 8 months old and had little friends, likes dislikes, a personality etc, that I wasnt part of.

So I don't feel as though I should be encouraged/invited to take part in their grief.

Sorry, unfinished sentence - he was born premmie but lived for a year, they have a newpaper interview about the miracle baby they thought they would never bring home. But, like you, I had absolutely no part in his life.

I think that people have become so used to sharing their lives on facebook that they have lost sight of what is appropriate to put on the internet and what isn't.

I don't imagine that many people would feel comfortable if someone brought out a photo album with photos of graves and flowers etc during a visit, so why is facebook any different?

The problem is that grief is such a sensitive subject and everyone grieves in such a different way, that it's impossible to say anything without potentially causing huge upset. So the best thing to do really would probably be to say nothing, and just quietly delete your link to the photos. Although i might be inclined to say something to the person who passed them on.

I think it's more that no one would find it odd if a close friend came round and the bereaved family showed her a photograph of the baby's grave or of flowers. But it would be odd if that friend then opened a window, leant out and invited passers-by to come in and have a look too.

professorlayton has nailed it on the head