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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell DH to take a running jump?

34 replies

Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 16:56

OK - I know 99% are going to disagree with me, but I am up for the flaming anyway, as I am just so cross and flustered and upset I need to spill it

I work in a children's centre with SEN kids - I am meant to finish at 3.45

today I was told at the last minute to do the gate for the parents instead of my usual role - so I didn't get out of work till five to four

I thne have to run to afterschool club, retrieve both boys (ds1 has AS, and he hides/loses his stuff/is a nightmare)

walk them home, change ds2 into Judo kit and get straight out again to walk him to Judo by 4.30

originally I was doing this, then waiting around at the local pub with ds1 for an hour, then walking back to pick him up and take them both home (we have to sit outside the pub because they don't allow children) It's not worth coming home and going straight out again.

this morning DH said "you drop ds2 off at Judo and take ds1 home, and I will pick up ds2 and bring him home"

I had a really hectic day at work today and the Judo run was particularly hurried because of me being late out of work, and ds1 hiding/having lost his coat

By the time ds1 and I got home from Judo I was hobbling, my feet are killing me (it's my own fault, I am fat and not very fit, but I am knackered - I've only just started working every day and it's a shock to the system)

so I got home with ds1 in tow

then dh messages me "sorry darling, I am going to have to shaft you"

I reply "NO WAY am I turning straight around and going back to pick up ds2, you agreed to do it, you bloody do it!"

he says he has been asked to wait around for a conference call about the project he's working on

I say "tough shit, you shouldn't have had kids then, I am NOT doing it"

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 17:07

.

OP posts:
Uriel · 28/04/2010 17:12

I think YANBU. It's horrible having painful feet. Dh shouldn't have promised something he couldn't do.

Call a taxi to take you and ds1 to pick up ds2?

Sn0wflake · 28/04/2010 17:12

I think you should calm down. Get a taxie to get your kid and then think about whether you have a good relationship with your husband.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 17:14

Oh for heavens sake, I have an excellent relationship with my husband

we have been best friends for fourteen years and have been through HELL together

this isn't a marital bad patch, just a crap day - neither of us is petty enough to bear a grudge about something like this

but I can't take a taxi, I haven't got enough money on me and the cashpoint is half a mile in the opposite direction

and dh is a computer programmer, not a bloody transplant surgeon

OP posts:
Kneazle · 28/04/2010 17:15

I think YAB a bit U he can't help the conference call thing. However, it is also totally pants I agree with the taxi suggestion.

Kneazle · 28/04/2010 17:16

oh cash point in the other direction even more pants.

PrivetDancer · 28/04/2010 17:16

yanbu, it sounds maddening.

But I also think hinbu either - I presume he can't get out of the call very easily and you can actually get back to pick ds2 up, even though it is highly annoying that you have to.

saslou · 28/04/2010 17:16

YANBU but neither is he. You both had unexpected things crop up at work today. You didn't tell your boss that you can't do door duty, and your DH probably can't tell work that he is unable to stay for the conference call. Just one of those things really.

Uriel · 28/04/2010 17:17

Hmm. Alternatively, change your shoes to something more comfortable, go back and pick up ds2. Then dh cooks tea/brings home a takeaway.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 17:17

but don't parents everywhere occasionally have to say "Sorry, no can do, I've got to pick my child up"?

he works in interactive tv programming, nobody is going to die if the call waits till tomorrow morning

grrrr

OP posts:
CantSleepWontSleep · 28/04/2010 17:19

YANBU.
Although he did at least say sorry, which is more than my dh would have done.

mysteryfairy · 28/04/2010 17:20

I work in IT and have to be flexible, but I expect that to cut both ways. I often do conference calls sat in my car with my blackberry outside school or some other kids activity. Can he just do that tonight?

Apparently it was quite amusing the other week. I had a conference call right before a parent's evening. I drove from the office to school, about 40 miles, and got there in time to do the call for an hour before parents evening kicked off. (Had I done the call in the office I wouldn't have had a window of opportunity to get there after the call.)

As it was chucking out time at school every time I went off mute everyone was treated to the roar of 1000 secondary school kids leaving the building, ice cream van chimes etc.

Sn0wflake · 28/04/2010 17:21

Sorry I thought that when you talked about telling my husband to "take a running jump" you meant you were thinking of leaving him. I thought it was a bit weird that you were thinking about leaving him over this. Anyway I misunderstood.

Personally I wouldn't like getting a text that says I am going to have to shaft you...not that apologetic is it.

Kneazle · 28/04/2010 17:21

grrrrr indeed, still not his fault though I know for a fact he is lovely and would have done it if he could.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 17:22

Aaaah snowflake I see!! Yes, leaving him would be a slight overreaction

OP posts:
PrivetDancer · 28/04/2010 17:22

well they do occasionally, yes, but it's not really an emergency is it? DS is not going to be stranded if your husband doesn't go and get him as you can go and get him, and it is quite early in the day to play that card (literally, not figuratively early in the day!). I'm in IT and would be a bit if someone suddenly announced they had to be out of the door at 5pm when a meeting was booked, especially if they elaborated and said it was because their wife's feet were sore

I am sympathetic though!

minipie · 28/04/2010 17:22

YANBU... but at the same time, do you really want him to piss off his boss, because in the long run that will affect all of you?

I guess I'd say "well you're a git and I'm knackered but I'll do it this once and you have to be extra nice to me when you get back"

Original poster
Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 17:22

Kneazle..... go on, who are you?

OP posts:
Kneazle · 28/04/2010 17:24

what do you mean [whistles]

Kneazle · 28/04/2010 17:28

Don't worry i don't actually know him or anything I have just read a few of your threads over the years. I have name changed quite a few times.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 17:28

do I know you IRL?

Privet I do see that point of view, and I do, regularly, put up with annoyances like this

but we share everything out - if he's agreed to leave early to pick a child up, chances are I will have done the whole morning routine so he could go in early, etc

we both have odd hours and lots of commitments and it can be frenetic

nobody in their right mind would walk my particular AS 7yo back from Judo and then turn around and walk back again, and then home again (especially given that I am kackered and my feet are killing me!) - hence the miserable time spent sitting outside the pub when dh isn't doing it

it's the fact that he SAID he would do it and then tried to let me down when it was IMO too late

and it's a phone call about some bloody bingo channel, not a heart transplant

but I do see the point

OP posts:
PrivetDancer · 28/04/2010 17:30

at bingo channel

as other have said - call some serious favours in later / tomorrow

Magaly · 28/04/2010 17:33

no yanbu. He let you down too late.

staranise · 28/04/2010 17:35

YANBU

I had a day like yours yesterday so I completely sympathise. By the end of the day I was so exhausted I could have cried (and I had sore feet too, again my fault for wearing unsuitable shoes). I bit my Dh's head off when he was abrupt with me last night and again when he refused to get up with the baby at 5am for the third day in a row this morning. Sometimes you just need your partner to help you out willingly, not make things worse.

Hope it's all calmed down now and that tomorrow is better.

Magaly · 28/04/2010 17:37

Get a taxi, even if it really expensive. Then tell your husband he owes you 30 quid for the taxi adn you're too tired to cook, a take away is ALWAYS A GOOD idea.

One person mentioned it and now I am thinking about chicekn dansak...