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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think she should pay for a new one?

31 replies

carocaro · 28/04/2010 11:20

DS1 is 8 and a child in his class kicked and broke his new lunchbox as well as getting bark chippings in his lunch which meant he could only eat his yoghurt.

This child is supposed to be coming for a sleepoever on Friday, with 2 others, DS1 does not want him to come.

I txt the Mum who I know and explained what had happened and to ask her DS about what went on, to get both sides of story.

She's just txt back saying that they should be able to sort it out themselves.

I would at the very least have offered to pay for a new lunchbox?

I know they have squabbles, but he broke his property.

AIBU?

OP posts:

ShinyAndNew · 28/04/2010 11:22

I understand where you are coming from, but I'm inclined to say these things happen. Dd1 has zip up fabric lunch box because her plastic ones kept being dropped/knocked/thrown etc.

msrisotto · 28/04/2010 11:22

Doing this over text will not have helped you here, you won't have come across well because it is hard to convey meaning and tone. You should speak to her over the phone and ask for a replacement lunchbox if that is what you want.

Original poster

carocaro · 28/04/2010 11:25

Did it over a txt as she works on that day and did not want to intrude her family time.

Is not what I want, I jus think it's manners, I thought the general rule, at what ever age, is that if you break something that belongs to another child, you offer to pay. To show respect.

OP posts:

Angeliz · 28/04/2010 11:28

If the other child kicked it on purpose then i think he should be made to pay from his pocket money. If it was an accident then no.

venusonarockbun · 28/04/2010 11:34

If my Dc had done this (they wouldnt!) I would have been straight out to replace it. And Shiny - if your DD has problems with her lunch box kept being thrown, so much so that youve had to buy fabric zip up ones then I would be having a word with the teacher. This is not acceptable behaviour.

expatinscotland · 28/04/2010 11:37

I wouldn't want this kid around me and my child, tbh.

8 years old is old enough to know that's an unpleasant, unkind thing to do.

Instead of texting her, though, I'd ring her and tell her your DS would rather her child not sleepover.

I'd have forced my son to buy the kid a new lunchbox out of his own funds, pocket and birthday money.

Because you know what? It's a parent's job to teach their child that ruining someone's property isn't right.

GibbonInARibbon · 28/04/2010 11:38

Personally, I would have offered to replace it.

OTTMummA · 28/04/2010 11:43

Wow shes setting a great example isn't she

If at 8 my DS intentionaly kicked and broke someone else property they would be paying for it out of their pocket money and write a letter of apology, if it was an accident i would still expect him to say sorry and i would offer to buy a new one.
its just good manners.

she sounds quite lazy to take that attitude over this TBH.
yes some things children can sort out themselves, but this behaviour needs to be addressed, if not she's giving him no reason why he shouldn't/couldn't do it again.

dis - invite the boy and tell your boy to stay clear of him.

ShinyAndNew · 28/04/2010 11:58

Expat, I expect that dd1 is doing half of it herself and encouraging anyone else who is doing it. She has little respect for things she doesn't 'like'. She did not like her lunch boxes. We are trying to teach her respect for money/property via a scheme whereby she earns pocket money and that's all she gets. No treats etc, unless she can pay for them herself.

If dd1 intentionally broke someone else's I'd pay for it and tell her I was going sell one of her games/cds/books etc in order to pay for it.

She currently only manages to 'earn' about 50p of her pocket money and I doubt she'd bother trying if I told her I was going to take it all off her.

biddysmama · 28/04/2010 12:48

my ds probably would do this

but i would make him replace it from his wii game savings

macdoodle · 28/04/2010 13:13

Hmmm well seing as you only have YOUR childs half of the story, I think YABU to go in all guns blazing!
At 8 I agree totally with the other mum, and unless there is bullying or something equally unacceptable going on, they should be left to sort it out!
If I got involved with all DD1 (8)'s squabbles I would be a nervous wreck!

Oh and to uninvite a child last minute is just plain mean!

Uriel · 28/04/2010 13:18

What is this 'they should be able to sort it out themselves' business? Petty squabbles is one thing, kicking and breaking something is something else entirely.

Cretaceous · 28/04/2010 13:53

Perhaps you should check what the other child told his mum first. Perhaps your DS started it. I agree with macdoodle, you don't know the facts yet.

I guess that if the mum was at work, she'd got other things on her mind. And as you texted, rather than spoke to her, she may not realise how seriously you view it.

And perhaps her son is saying he doesn't want to go on the sleepover.

There are too many unknowns here

OrmRenewed · 28/04/2010 13:59

I'm not sure. If the squabble was one-sided maybe she should have coughed up - ie the boy kicked the box out of sheer nastiness. If their was fault on both sides but it just happened that only your son's property that got damaged I wouldn't feel quite the same.

Ladyanonymous · 28/04/2010 16:45

My son did this to another kids lunchbox when he was in Yr 4 with another couple of kids .

The school strongly suggested that he and the other two boys split the cost of the lunchbox, which I made my son do without hesitiation, I was mortified (and he did chores around the house to pay me back).

Sadly the other two boys didn't pay their share apparently, but obviously I can only control my own responses.

When my son got beaten up on the way home in Yr 6 (and another parent had to intervene to pull the child off my son) and his Scooter was broken the school did not respond in the same way and neither did the boys father when I phoned him to "discuss" the issue.

Maybe have a word with the school as he was there when the property was damaged.

Would like to add my son is now a loving, adorable, popular, caring Yr 7, and his lunch box destroying days are over

Original poster

carocaro · 28/04/2010 17:21

Thanks all, so I am not BU, is the general gist.

I did not go in with all guns blazing, just asked if she could see what her DS's side of the story was. I have a job and can still have many things on my mind but think about my child's behavior.

OP posts:

macdoodle · 28/04/2010 21:19

Umm you still dont know the whole story though?? What if your DS broke it and told on his friend because he was scared of your reaction?? TBH I've never heard such nonsense over a lunchbox...(a) who cares if they break (and if you do, you're spending too much on them), and (b) why on earth buy an 8yr old a breakable lunchbox!

If I was at work and a mum TEXTED me this message, TBH I would be rather short and pissed off, I am extremely busy and stressed at work, and most certainly do not want to discuss bloody lunchboxes, a phone call later in the evening is far more appropriate!
I cannot bear this do everything by text now!

mumbar · 28/04/2010 22:24

Boys can play boisterously - fact. Things get broken - fact. BUT for a child's lunchbox to be broken so badly their lunch gets ruined is not acceptable. I think your DS is right to be worried bout having this boy over as there's no garuntee he won't break other things.

I do agree tho that perhaps they should sort it out themselves so I'd get your DS to tell this child he's not welcome to comemover and why. Sure the other mum will be upset when her embarrassed child has to explain to her!!!

Hopefully my DS wouldn't do something like this BUT if he chose to he would replace it with his own money and I would expect him to accept that he may lose invites due to behaviour.

oliviacrumble · 28/04/2010 22:37

Why don't you listen to your child's instincts?

If he's TELLING you he doesn't want this child for a sleepover, then at the very least his opinion is worthy of SOME consideration.

And I think eight is quite young for them to 'sort it all out themselves'.

You definitely should have phoned, not texted though.

Aduby · 28/04/2010 22:42

without knowing the full story, speaking to the other mum & child, it is unfair to judge.

How do you know your DS did not do something to antagonise this other boy? WOuld not make it ok to damage somesones property, but there could well be more background info that changes how you feel about it.

Ladyanonymous · 29/04/2010 10:24

Mcdoodle "...(a) who cares if they break (and if you do, you're spending too much on them), and (b) why on earth buy an 8yr old a breakable lunchbox!"

Erm, its the principle? Why as parents should we buy items the school request us to provide for them to be broken needlessly, and then have to replace them. May as well just bypass the child and chuck the money straight in the bin which we can all afford to do can't we? Double

As the mother of an 8 yr old and a 12 yr old boy (and in fact a 10 yr old daughter) I can reliable inform you that there is no such thing as an unbreakable lunchbox unless you have access to some source of bomb proof supply through the armed forces that none of us are aware of.

macdoodle · 29/04/2010 14:09

Umm what
We have a supply of soft canvas type lunchboxes, in fact the one my DD1 is currently using is insulated as well, I'd be pretty surprised if it got broken!

traceybath · 29/04/2010 14:11

I totally agree with macdoodle.

macdoodle · 29/04/2010 14:13

Either this is about bullying/problem child etc and YANBu (though tis is not clear in your OP), or its about a blimmin lunchbox, in which case YABU totally and utterley!

mjinhiding · 29/04/2010 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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