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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to stop DD having sleepover?

71 replies

YourCallIsImportant · 27/04/2010 22:35

DD 7 has a really nice little friend at school who stays about a mile from us. DD's friend had a sleepover with us last week and her mum sent me a text thanking me and saying she would have DD for a sleepover soon.

Problem for me is that the friend's parents have an American Pitbull. Need I say more? AIBU?

OP posts:
Vallhala · 27/04/2010 23:39

Just my opinion and ime here, if the dog is a PBT and the parents are open about it, it suggests that he is exempted and perfectly legal. If that's the case the family would have had to have jumped through a lot of hoops to obtain this, unlike those of us who own 'normal' dogs, and so he's almost certainly in very responsible hands.

YourCallIsImportant · 27/04/2010 23:40

I like your suggestion BOF. That would put an immediate stop to it wouldn't it?

OP posts:
YourCallIsImportant · 27/04/2010 23:42

I would be embarassed to raise the subject of the dog and exemptions etc with the mum. I'd rather just avoid the situation (my typical conflict avoidance behaviour).

OP posts:
DanFmDorking · 27/04/2010 23:43

"... have an American Pitbull. Need I say more? AIBU? "

Ask them to keep the dog in another room so that it doesn't suffer too much.

zippy539 · 27/04/2010 23:44

Hate dogs. Hate sleepovers.

I wouldn't give a 'putting-off' excuse (like 'we're away that weekend' or we've got visitors) because the other family will take you at your word and keep asking.

Really you should tell the truth - that you have an issue with dogs and so sorry, dd won't be staying in their house as long as the dog is about. Don't engage in further excuses or conversation on the topic - draw the line.

However because I am a woose I wouldn't say that, I would go for a harmless lie. I would invent a 'dog-hair' allergy for your dd, or tell them that she can't cope with sleepovers yet (not unreasonable at her age) or that she has a chronic bed wetting problem so it's easier if future sleepovers are at your house.

Of course your dd could dispute all of the above which could blow your cover but you can always tell them your dd is in denial...

BitOfFun · 27/04/2010 23:45

Save face- just make a good excuse like that and breathe a sigh of relief...job's a good 'un.

Vallhala · 27/04/2010 23:47

I understand, YCII, but if you're otherwise happy for your DD to remain good pals with the other little girl you could always have an 'innocent chat' with Mum about the dog.You could perhaps say that not being a dog-owner you don't know much about the breed and get her to chat away. If their ownership is all above board she'll probably be delighted to bore you senseless about her pooch... I would!

YourCallIsImportant · 27/04/2010 23:57

I know Vallhala, I should do that but I'm a bit scared of the reputation these dogs have (I know, I know...) and would just rather avoid the situation. I've created a belief in my head that these dogs can be unpredictable and that the owners will always say that the dog's a sweetheart. I'll play it by ear until the invite comes in.

Thanks so much for all the responses, and sorry for the mix up at the start of the thread.

OP posts:
WebDude · 28/04/2010 07:12

If it makes you feel any calmer, I'd say pretty much any breed of dog (and plenty of cats too!) can be unpredictable.

I certainly found the situation quite extraordinary one morning when I went out for a walk with my cat (yes, cat) and at one point, after we'd been through a grass area between two roads, she had run on ahead of me and then 'froze'. Once I got further up the road and didn't have cars blocking my view, I saw a chap with 4 dogs on leads, under 15 feet in front of my cat, who was just 'holding her ground' while waiting for me.

The bit which surprised and pleased me was that not one of the dogs barked or looked threatening, they were just standing still. As I got closer I congratulated their owner, expressing my surprise that they had not barked - it was a little before 8am on a Sunday, and the thought of 4 dogs barking their heads off at my cat was easy to imagine!

Anyway, my cat, once happy to know I was nearby, walked round the corner of the street, and glanced back once to see they were not following. Other times, coming close to a dog (or more likely, a barking dog) would get a more defensive attitude from her, tail full and sticking out or up, back arched and some hissing / whining, to point out she may be smaller, but she won't hold back if she is attacked!

AnyFucker · 28/04/2010 08:29

What an interesting little anecdote, WD < deadpan >

waitingforbedtime · 28/04/2010 08:48

My friend has a German Shepherd dog who has nipped me once. I dont let ds go down there unless I know the dog will be elsewhere (in another room / garden) etc. Not a risk Im willing to take. Am totally honest with her about it though.

porcamiseria · 28/04/2010 09:11

I am shit scared of dogs so no way, I think you can gently tell them, to too

"That a lovely idea but as we are a tad phobic of KILLER DOGS maybe not a good idea?

I once called a CM and she had a Staffs!! FFS!!!!

Read down
They do exhibit a higher percentage of dog aggression than some other breeds, and a very high prey drive toward small animals

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/04/2010 09:59

has your dd been there before for a play date or tea etc?

has dd met the dog?

if not then no i wouldnt let her stay for first time, just go for a play/tea and see what happens

sure the mum is cautious and will put the dog away if snappy

we have a HUGE dog at work, and no one has ever said they dont want their child to come to us - but if they did then yes i would shut him in his cage while they were there

admitley he is a right wimp - may be big but

all bark and no balls (literally)

ShinyAndNew · 28/04/2010 10:05

American Pitbull from wiki. See the bit under temperament where it say 'generally friendly towards strangers and loving and loyal to family'?

However I highly doubt it is a PitBull it will be a staffy or something.

MrsRhettButler · 28/04/2010 10:26

i'm a qualified but not registered at the moment CM and i have a staff, its not a problem. i keep the dogs away from any children i have here i.e in the garden or in a kennel i am surprised at some peoples attitude really, if you are a qualified, registered CM then you should know about dangers and how to avoid them

MotherJack · 28/04/2010 17:47

I would love a childminder with a Staff. They are such tolerant dogs and one of the TWO recommended by the Kennel Club to be around children. Great choice MrsRhettButler.

The hysteria about the breed would be laughable if it were funny.

YourCallIsImportant · 28/04/2010 18:39

Yes DD has met the dog, she wasn't frightened of it at all, it's more me being cautious. Thanks for all your responses.

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 28/04/2010 23:23

thank you MotherJack my staff is absolutely lovely

problem is that two weeks ago dp came home with a half staff have american bulldog pup.. hence the reason i'm not qualifying myself right now as i reckon it would put most people off even if i kept it away from the children, plus i want to personally see how the dog turns out before i decide what to do (he is responding very well so far though)

you are right to be cautious YCII

MrsRhettButler · 28/04/2010 23:24

*half sorry

3point14 · 29/04/2010 00:59

I would not let my daughter stay there and would be very forthright with the parents about the reason why.

Why do people have such dogs ?

Why do people who have children have such dogs ?

Does the DHSS give them more money or something ?

MotherJack · 29/04/2010 11:55

My old childminder has a Dogue De Bordeaux MRB. I was terrified to start with as I like small dogs known to be good with kids - such as the Staff - but eventually realised he was a proper soft pudding, and because she did everything a childminder is supposed to do, I had no issue.

Good luck with your X-breed. The Staff part of him should have a good influence though, so it's a great start

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