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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop DD having sleepover?

71 replies

YourCallIsImportant · 27/04/2010 22:35

DD 7 has a really nice little friend at school who stays about a mile from us. DD's friend had a sleepover with us last week and her mum sent me a text thanking me and saying she would have DD for a sleepover soon.

Problem for me is that the friend's parents have an American Pitbull. Need I say more? AIBU?

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 27/04/2010 23:06

Is it a banned dog breed? I think in this case I probably would say the reason why.

However you will probably get the whole 'oh the dog is lovely, is great with children, won't harm a fly' speech which may make things a tad awkward.

MrsRhettButler · 27/04/2010 23:06

pits are illegal but bulldogs are not

Vallhala · 27/04/2010 23:06

Unless the dog had a history of aggression I'd have no concerns. (Am a dog rescuer, ex-fosterer, former owner and fosterer of SBTs and SBT crosses and past and present owner of GSDs as well as a supporter of the Deed Not Breed campaign).

If the dog has a history I'd decline and tell the parents exactly why.

AnyFucker · 27/04/2010 23:09

it wouldn't be awkward for me, getorf even if they said dog was friendly etc

my child, my decision

people shouldn't let themselves be guilt-tripped into doing something they are uncomfortable with

Original poster
YourCallIsImportant · 27/04/2010 23:11

Thanks all.

The mum hasn't come back with the offer yet, so I can plan my response. I'm thinking of just putting it off and not mentioning it when I meet her at the school.

And yep, the playdates will be off the menu too. TBH, I should have suspected something odd when DD told me the dog's name was Vinnie!

I'm off to update my profile.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 27/04/2010 23:12

True AF.

I have the same thing with mum's neighbours. They say for me not to be so stupid, the dog is friendly etc. They are right - within the family the dog is lovely, a really friendly dog. However my dd is not family, the dog doesn't know her, and after being yanked about by it (and I am a big girl) I am not risking anything. It's a great big dog (I think it is a pit bull, it has one of those big oval shaped heads). For this I am considered 'neurotic'. Ah well.

AnyFucker · 27/04/2010 23:13

hoi...and don't be guilt-tripped into updating your profile...

Original poster
YourCallIsImportant · 27/04/2010 23:14

I don't know them well enough to know if the dog has form. I'm guessing not as they have 2 young DCs.

I know it's often the owners that create the behaviours in dogs, but like I say, I don't know them terribly well to know how they behave at home. Only school gate stuff and parties.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 27/04/2010 23:17

don't make any assumptions just because they have two young dc, YC

some people are spectacularly stupid (ref. newspaper headlines etc)

GetOrf...let your neighbours think what the hell they like. Half the world thinks I am a funny sort...stuff 'em

jellybeans · 27/04/2010 23:17

I would not let my child go either, make excuse or tell them truth.

Original poster
YourCallIsImportant · 27/04/2010 23:18

But I do feel guilty - I had that pounding heart feeling when I saw the first few replies to my post. I won't be posting photos though, my friends know I'm on MN but don't know my username and there's a few posts I'd rather they didn't know were mine.

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 27/04/2010 23:19

getorf i think its a british bull terrier if it has the oval shaped head btw

GetOrfMoiLand · 27/04/2010 23:20

Oh I don't give a shit, AF. Gave up on caring years ago. DD still worries what other people think of us though (hence her hatred of me walking through sainsbos singing dizzee Rascal songs )

OP - think all the reasons you give are sound. yes it is likely that the dog is hunky dory with their DCs, however your dd is a stranger to the dog. It's just not worth the risk for a sleepover.

AnyFucker · 27/04/2010 23:20

YC...you have a pic of your dd on your profile

Vallhala · 27/04/2010 23:21

In that case, YCII, you've every rational reason for declining. If you don't know them terribly well you also don't know what their views and behaviour is like re DCs overall safety and wellbeing.

I'm with AnyFucker. Your DD, your choice and you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

MotherJack · 27/04/2010 23:23

Pits are of course illegal but can be legally exempted currently. A lot of pits were (are) lovely, but became owned by the wrong sort. If this pit is genuinley exempted I would be tempted to veer towards thinking that the owners are genuine pit-lovers who could look after a dog properly. I'd seriously need to see the dog myself though and see how they deal with the dog - that is the most important thing.

I have a Staffordshire Bull Terrier and wherever the children are the dog is made to always be with me or physically separated as a frightened child can attract interest from dogs by flapping and shouting. Kids come back here over and over as they they know I will look after them first and that I am always there, or that the dog isn't and can't be by physical separation. Not because he is a Staff, by the way, but because he is a dog.

That said, and my love of bull breeds apart - and even pitbulls in responsible owners hands - I would need to feel personally comfortable about the owners handling of a dog on exemption from the dangerous dogs act register. Very comfortable indeed.

If you aren't, don't allow the sleepover.

GetOrfMoiLand · 27/04/2010 23:23

Oh yes I think it is british bull terrier.

DP's cousins have got a bull mastiff - now i always thought that sounded like a really fierce dog, but I have never seen such a soppy thing. But the bull terrier thingy - nah. Scary.

As you can see I know bugger all about dogs so feel free to ignore me!

MotherJack · 27/04/2010 23:24

Or, in short, what Vallhala said

johnnienobed · 27/04/2010 23:27

Never in a million years.

NotanOtter · 27/04/2010 23:31

no and i would be tempted to report them before the dog attacks someone

AnyFucker · 27/04/2010 23:32

Johnnie...I read your name as johnnienobend

< ahem >

GetOrfMoiLand · 27/04/2010 23:33

lol Johnnienobend (sorry Johnnie)

Original poster
YourCallIsImportant · 27/04/2010 23:33

I am so crap at this profile stuff. I must have put that pic of DD on when I joined, so I've taken that off, and put some other info on.

That's the thing with dogs, this dog might be a slobbery lump of love with the family, but he and DD don't know each other. I trust my gut instinct, and that says what Johnnienobed says.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 27/04/2010 23:35

I would just say that your dd has a history of sounding enthusiastic about sleepovers initially but ends up in tears and wanting to be brought home at 1am, after wetting the bed etc. In short, she isn't old enough yet and feels happier having children stay at her home. But of course this is all confidential

BitOfFun · 27/04/2010 23:36

And if it makes you feel any better, I would say the same about my 13 year old if they had a big scary dog I didn't trust- even if she killed me

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