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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think 2 10 year old and 1 9 year old girls should not be left alone in the house

34 replies

SlartyBartFast · 26/04/2010 21:25

dd went to play with a friend, and it transpired initially they were to babysit the 3 year old. then plans were changed and the 3 year old went out with mum and dad.
leaving 2 10 year olds and 1 9 year old alone?
in myh book this is wrong. i just spluttered, but you are not old enough to babysit.

mum and dad were gone a long time according to dd. so we are none the wiser.

what can i do?

OP posts:

janeite · 26/04/2010 21:27

Not appropriate, no - yanbu. I'd be inclined to just not send her round there again because it's so difficult to say anything, unless you know the parents really well.

Original poster

SlartyBartFast · 26/04/2010 21:30

exactly. i can't say anything in reality can i.
will ban dd from baby sitting there.

OP posts:

chandellina · 26/04/2010 21:40

i don't know, i was on my own after school from the age of 10 and would have friends over or go to theirs, not necessarily with their parents home either. i think i was 12 when i started babysitting.

Prinpo · 26/04/2010 21:41

Presumably, she was invited to go over to play? If so, they had a duty of care towards her. 9/10 might be ok to leave for a short while (debatable) but not for any length of time. Even if they considered it ok for their own child, they should have checked with you beforehand. It might be that a close neighbour was listening out for the children and that their child knew to go next door if they needed any help but your dd wasn't to know that.

If you're not close and if dd won't go over there again then there seems little point in saying anything (unless you think their own children are at risk). Perhaps their child can come to you in future - it seems wrong for them to lose out.

cat64 · 26/04/2010 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Vallhala · 26/04/2010 21:44

You bloody well can say something! I would!

Your child was left without adult supervision when too young and without your agreement and was initially expected to care for a 3 yo with others of her own age?! Apart from the danger she herself could have faced should an accident/fire etc occur or an intruder appear, what if the DC had been left with the 3yo and the little one had experienced an accident? Your daughter would doubtless have felt incredibly guilty and responsible.

No way should you feel uncomfortable about pulling up the parents, they had no right to put your DD in this position or to make you feel so uncomfortable about expressing your concerns.

chandellina · 26/04/2010 21:45

surely not every 10 year old with working parents is with a childminder or other adult after school?

Hulababy · 26/04/2010 21:48

Primary school is too young IMO to be left on their own for any proper length of time.

It is definitely too young to be babysitting for a 3 year old.

And the girls parents should have asked you first - they shouldn't make such a parenting decision for your child IMO.

losingtheplotthisweek · 26/04/2010 21:49

If my 9 yr ols DSS went to play at someones house, assuming that the parents were aware he had come to play, I would expect an adult to be with them at all times. If the parents chose to go out, they should have sent your DD home.

YANBU and I would not let your DD go again, let the friend come to you.

Original poster

SlartyBartFast · 26/04/2010 21:56

they live fairly close by so will no doubt be playign together again.
had told dd i dont want her baby sitting.
will also stress to her that i dont want her playing in someone's house when the parent goes out.
i dont want the confrontation with the parents.

OP posts:

Original poster

SlartyBartFast · 26/04/2010 21:57

if their dd came to mine i would send them home or take them with me if necessary.

OP posts:

bluejeans · 26/04/2010 22:07

YANBU

My DD is 10 and I'm just considering whther I can leave her with a 15.5yr old occasionally

piscesmoon · 26/04/2010 22:19

YANBU. I would leave mine for short periods at that age but that is only because I knew them, they knew the rules and they knew what to do in the case of emergency. I couldn't make those decisions for other people's DCs.

thatsnotmymonster · 26/04/2010 22:32

I think YANBU that they left your dd alone however I think YABU to be judging their decision to leave their own children. I would hope that 10yr olds would be responsible enough to be left alone and presumably the parents know their own children well enough.

I often looked after my younger brother and sister from about age 10. I remember being at my best friends and her parents would go away for the whole day, only they would lock us out of the house.

At 10 I had a lot of freedom to go off on bike rides, walks, climb trees etc etc so in comparison being left in your own home for an hour or two seems pretty safe.

PickUpYourPants · 26/04/2010 22:40

YANBU - my 10 year old stays home alone sometimes on her own. But I would not leave her with a friend. Just like I won't let her play out if I am not at home, she has to stay indoors, not open the door and be careful what she says on the phone.
My 13 year old daughter has more freedom but if she has a friend around during the holidays/after school I always check with the parent first as they will be home alone. Some have been happy with this since they started in Yr7 others are not.

Dinkytinky · 26/04/2010 22:43

I would say YANBU- her parents should have okay-ed it with you first with a quick phone call. My older sister babysat us at 12 but was always very responsible etc. My main worry with things like this is that if something were to happen- if they hurt themselves and need emergencyhelp do they know what to do?who to phone? It's just too much of a risk. I think you can only legally babysit from age 14.

bibbitybobbityhat · 26/04/2010 22:43

So were the 10 year olds and 9 year old babysitting the 3 year old or not?

mumeeee · 26/04/2010 22:43

YANBU.

Dinkytinky · 26/04/2010 22:45

I would politley say to her mum that you're not sure your dc is responsible enough yet and you would like a phone call next time, good luck

Original poster

SlartyBartFast · 26/04/2010 23:09

n0, the intial plan was for them to babysit, but in the end they took the 3 year old out.
i said to dh, she can't babysit, i had to go out, i said to dh, i think you ought to go and get her, on the other hand, that would leave 2 youngsters home alone....

OP posts:

Original poster

SlartyBartFast · 26/04/2010 23:13

anyway, dh, being dh, did nothing.

OP posts:

seeker · 26/04/2010 23:17

Yes they should have checked with you forst - but they are quite old enough to be left alone at home for a while.

Wouldn't have wanted them babysitting, thought.

Clary · 26/04/2010 23:18

I think a 9 and 10 yo at home alone is fine.

So do lots of other people on MN actually. I recently posted "was it OK to let 8 and 10 yo (almost 9 and 11 FWIW) walk home alone and be in house for maybe 15-20 mins"?

Everyone who posted said it was OK.

However I would not be happy, OP, a) with my 10yo babysitting a 3yo b) with another parent deciding to leave my DC alone without asking me first.

Clary · 26/04/2010 23:19

Ah hello seeker, I wondered where the voice of reason was.

cat64 · 27/04/2010 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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