...to want to go away with my ex?

[monkeybum1]

Bit of history.....About 2 weeks ago h2b and I split due to several issues ? his anxiety/depression, being in a relationship for over 5 years and neither one of us really doing what we want to do before we settle down. We realised we were getting married for the wrong reasons (pressures from family etc.) and mutually decided to split, and do all the things we?ve wanted but thought we couldn?t ? e.g. I?m moving to London, he?s travelling. We?re still living together at the moment while I work my notice and we get the house stuff sorted, and it?s all very friendly ? no arguments or bad feelings. We both still love each other and will remain friends, but we?re no longer sharing a bed or kiss/cuddle (apart from a cheeky cuddle when I was feeling very low one day).

Now he?s decided he?s going to Center Parcs next weekend for a break, and asked me to come along too. I?d love to go as I love CP (we were planning on going in September before we split) but I?m not sure if I should. We get along fine and would be more than comfortable staying the same room (I?d insist on twin beds!) but I know people will think it?s odd. AIBU in considering going???

IMO, if you're split, its better to stay split. If he wants you back, let him court you, dont go to centerparcs with him.

As a matter of interest, monkeybum1, what made you post on Mumsnet? Had you been trying to conceive with your ex? Or do we have a deserved reputation for being oracles of wisdom?

if you're in your twenties (not patronising promise, am only 29 myself) have been in a 5 year relationship, dont have children to worry about and have just split up with your fella, can i wholehearedly recommend a weekend somewhere far more exciting than centre parcs? I personally would be pissed off my face snogging a random in some bar in benidorm with my girlfriends!
But of course thats just me ;-)
seriously though, if you fancy it and think it'll be ok, go.

Chr*st almighty monkeybum1. You say:

"Contrary to what others believe, I did come on here expecting differing opinions (as others have mentioned, this is, of course, AIBU) and I apologise if I came across as "throwing a tantrum" but it just goes to show that people read things very differently to how any poster can mean them at the time of writing."

Which is exactly why you jumped on the first person to reply to your thread with a completley inconstructive thing to say.
You have got a hell of a chip on your shoulder girl as i don't think anyones posts have been at all condescending. Everyone was trying to help by offering their advice and you completley have got your back up and blinkers on/ears shut to anyones advice.
There was absolutley no point in asking for anyones opinion because you are just going to damm well do what you think is right anyway.
I was going to offer advice - because i had been in a similar situation - but quite frankly i know it will fall on deaf ears.

baaaaad idea. have you not heard of the closure shag for "old times sake".

You met his man when you were twenty - you are both moving on or so it seems.
If you are not interested in him anymore , I bet he is fishing deeepdown for a reconciliation or a last "go".

an afternoon of swimming in the pool, some silly horseplay in the poolwith you two in swimwear , a nice april evening with a few drinks on the veranda and bobs your uncle monkeybum that twin bed will be scraped across the floor across to you once you've turned in. even if you ain't interested.

yabu and a bit niave ( been there doone that got the tshirt)

tetheresend asked about your age co sshe and some of us here recognised our own foolish niavty from once aupon a time in your op.

in matters of the heart I would say you are just starting out if you met the guy at 20 and if this does end amicably and we are all wrong then you can bet the next relationship ending will be NOTHING like this. sorry but you did ask

Woah, I don't think you want advice, I think you want people to tell you you're right. Which you might/might not be, it is such a personal thing you just have to do what is right for you. I say that because you've been very aggresive and defensive on here, when people have genuinely been trying to offer opinions...which is what you asked for. If you disagree, surely that's par of the course?

And for what it's worth, when I was 25 (only a couple of years ago) I was capable of making up by own mind. Doesn't mean that I was capable of the long-term view needed for this kind of decision. Just because it feels right doesn't actually make it the long term best thing to do, if you see what I mean.

Ok, in retrospect I probably am being naive - I never actually thought about what would happen once we were there, was just thinking about whether to go or not! Ooops...

Pepsiginn - no chip, I promise. Just a tad defensive, admittedly sometimes too much so.

Linziwam - That sounds like a brilliant idea, and one I would definately do if I could but my friends are mostly working and/or broke

Niall - I can't remember exactly how I came across MN but I think I was recommended by a friend, when my sister had her baby girl last year and I was looking for advice on how to help out once she'd given birth.

Ah feck it, I was hoping it was because we were oracles!

Oh of course, that too!!! :D

Well, i'm glad to hear you don't have a chip - and maybe work on that defensive stuff eh...

In answer to your original posting, i wouldn't go. I was very hurt and naieve (not saying you are) when i went away with an ex (twin beds too) soon after we broke up. We never shagged or kissed, and were the best of friends and also had no ties to each other - we didnt' live together or have children.
The break up was quite amicable but in hindsight a few months later i realised i was still enabling myself to be tangled up with him and that i was still very much in love with him but he had emotionally moved on. It would have been better for me to break it cleanly and then become friends after (much later) i had sorted my head, because when your in it - you can't see out and i ended up with very hurt confused feelings later on.

Good luck with your decision - i know my ex didn't know how hurt i was. Keep in mind - he may have different feelings to you.

i wouldn't if i were you, i think you both need to start building social lives apart.

i am very good friends with two exes - one from university, one from my mid 20s (now early 30s and getting married this year)

it is totally possible, but you do have to work at building your own seperate lives for a while otherwise it's not healthy for new relationships as you're both too co-dependent. if you want to stay friends when one of you meets someone new you have to step back a little at this stage.

i dont think there is anything wrong with going away with ex to be partner,as long as it is something you both want. As long as it does not cause more heartache and emotional turmoil for either of you.

I went skiing in march with my ex of 16 years. We had a really great time and are still really good friends. Our whole split up has been completely amicable and neither of my boys have suffered.We still do lots of things together,including xmas,birthdays,easter,special days etc.