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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to go away with my ex?

63 replies

monkeybum1 · 26/04/2010 13:04

Bit of history.....About 2 weeks ago h2b and I split due to several issues ? his anxiety/depression, being in a relationship for over 5 years and neither one of us really doing what we want to do before we settle down. We realised we were getting married for the wrong reasons (pressures from family etc.) and mutually decided to split, and do all the things we?ve wanted but thought we couldn?t ? e.g. I?m moving to London, he?s travelling. We?re still living together at the moment while I work my notice and we get the house stuff sorted, and it?s all very friendly ? no arguments or bad feelings. We both still love each other and will remain friends, but we?re no longer sharing a bed or kiss/cuddle (apart from a cheeky cuddle when I was feeling very low one day).

Now he?s decided he?s going to Center Parcs next weekend for a break, and asked me to come along too. I?d love to go as I love CP (we were planning on going in September before we split) but I?m not sure if I should. We get along fine and would be more than comfortable staying the same room (I?d insist on twin beds!) but I know people will think it?s odd. AIBU in considering going???

OP posts:
tethersend · 26/04/2010 13:59

For fuck's sake monkeybum1, I actually posted out of concern for your situation.

Now I am patronising you because you are behaving like a spoilt child.

This is AIBU- expect people to judge you. The clue is in the title

Original poster
monkeybum1 · 26/04/2010 14:03

Can you honestly read your previous posts and not even see a hint of a patronising tone tethersend?

I'm not acting like a spoilt child, I'm standing up for myself - since was that not allowed?

OP posts:
paisleyleaf · 26/04/2010 14:06

What is it that's putting you off about going to CPs?

alle01 · 26/04/2010 14:06

this is becoming boring, you asked, you got an answer, actually you got enough answers of every sort to find what you wanted to hear.
you are not that mature adult because no one is, not at 25, not at 35, you are maturing all the time, and yes, in a year or a few years time, you will see things differently, and may even regret some of your choices,
ranting about people's opinion that, by the way, you asked for, doesn't make you look very mature either

Original poster
monkeybum1 · 26/04/2010 14:11

Yes, I asked for opinions, most of which I was grateful for but I will not accept being patronised, which I very clearly was. Yes, this is AIBU - but obviously unless you are not the OP, you are not allowed to say anything out of line.

But fck it - I give up. Tethersend, thank you for your opinion. I will choose to ignore it, but I appreciate your effort.

OP posts:
YesYouMust · 26/04/2010 14:13

I do love these threads.

tethersend · 26/04/2010 14:21

Monkeybum1, you go ahead and stand up for yourself.

Of course, you wouldn't need to stand up for yourself had you not posted a woefully naive OP in AIBU.

But I guess, being an adult, you would know that.

compo · 26/04/2010 14:23

I find it bizarre that you posted on mumsnet in the first place
don't you have mates to tell you the whole set up is bizarre
or gapyear.net

GibbonInARibbon · 26/04/2010 14:24

You don't want to hear others opinions though, OP's on AIBU rarely do. You wanted everyone to say 'Gosh aren't you both handling the 'break up' (which btw has not really happened yet) with dignity and maturity, of course you should go'

You have not emotionally disengaged after 5 together, when you are still living as 'mates' and not really experienced of the reality of a break up. Sorry but it's true.

Maybe you'll break up for good, maybe you'll get back together and end up in wedded bliss. One thing is for sure though, till you both truly let each other go, you'll never know.

tethersend · 26/04/2010 15:15

That'll be the sound of people agreeing with you giving their opinion, then.

Cretaceous · 26/04/2010 15:23

To me, it sounds like you're proud of the fact that you can still be such good friends after splitting up. You see going away together as proof of how mature you are.

However, the proof of the pudding is when you are both seeing other people. That's when you really split up .

Why not go away for the weekend together - as to all intents and purposes you are still going out, only without the sex.

VinegarTits · 26/04/2010 15:30

The pair of you sound like you need to get a room, oh i know why not get one at center parcs? bet you end up shagging

waht tethers and gibbon said

itsmeitsmeolord · 26/04/2010 15:34

It's all going to get messy.
You will have break up shag or one of you will meet someone and shag them either whilst away at CP or when back at home, then it will all get very angsty and just plain awful really.

I foresee lots of tears and tantrums. On top of the one you have just thrown on this thread.

SolidGoldBrass · 26/04/2010 15:40

I did this sort of thing in my 20s. I think your attitude is very healthy OP, it's the tendency of dumb monogamists to insist that peopel either are in a heteromongamous couple or they are not, that makes for a lot of tiresomeness. You and your XP are friends who communicate well, if you keep on communicating well there is no need to stop that unless/until one of you takes up with a monogamist lamer who will insist on busting up your friendship or forcibly downgrading it.
Bollocks to what other people think - do what suits you.

SolidGoldBrass · 26/04/2010 15:42

FFS more heteronormative crap. It;s perfectly possible to agree with someone you are fond of but not 'in love with' any more that the relationship has run its course - it doesn;t mean you have to start pratting around smashing things and whining and playing really bad country and western music for weeks on end. OP you give me hope for the younger generation.

rookiemater · 26/04/2010 15:51

Are there any DCs involved in this ?

If not then just go ahead and do what you fancy, although probably best not to canvas opinion if you don't want to listen to it.

If there is well ummm.....

Mumcentreplus · 26/04/2010 15:51

'it doesn;t mean you have to start pratting around smashing things and whining and playing really bad country and western music for weeks on end.'

never done any of that stuff...but still would not go on mini-break with soon to be ex partner..

tethersend · 26/04/2010 15:56

SGB, I think the OP may actually be quite heteronormative- they were going to get married. Not exactly blazing a trail for a non-conformist relationship model.

Sparkletastic · 26/04/2010 15:57

YABU

too soon

go with a female friend if you are in need of a break

Original poster
monkeybum1 · 26/04/2010 16:00

Rookiemater, no we don't have any children.

Contrary to what others believe, I did come on here expecting differing opinions (as others have mentioned, this is, of course, AIBU) and I apologise if I came across as "throwing a tantrum" but it just goes to show that people read things very differently to how any poster can mean them at the time of writing.

So thank you to all for your opinions - I may not have replied to all but that doesn't mean I didn't take what they said on board. Some of you have honestly made me question alot of things I didn't think about previously so again, thanks.

OP posts:
IngridFletcher · 26/04/2010 16:15

Do people without children really go to Centreparks?

Original poster
monkeybum1 · 26/04/2010 16:17

Ingrid...alot of people do, yes! I've been quite a few times with both the ex and friends, each time without children. But we did always make sure it was during school time, I wouldn't go in the school holidays.

OP posts:
Fel1x · 26/04/2010 16:19

totally agree with tethersend.

IngridFletcher · 26/04/2010 16:33

You live and learn!

GeekOfTheWeek · 26/04/2010 16:56

Agree with tethersend.

2 weeks is nothing. Been there, done that, stayed friends, shagged the 'ex', got back together, broke up for good 20 months later. 8 years later we are not friends.