Circumcision?

[Claire236]

I've never started a thread in AIBU before as it can be quite scary so please be nice. My dh was circumcised as an adult for medical reasons & ds1 had to have an operation so has in effect been circumcised. ds2 (almost 5 months) is as nature intended but I'm wondering if it would be a good idea to have him circumcised. Firstly as that way he will grow up looking the same as his brother & dad which I think could make a difference to how he feels when he gets a bit older. Secondly because it seems more hygenic. I'm unsure due to the fact that ds1s op for horribly painful & I wouldn't want to put ds2 through that for no good reason. I haven't spoken to my GP about this so don't know when is normal to have it done or anything but I'd really like to know if people think I'm BU considering this.

i wear glasses and my children dont... should i poke them in the eyes until they need them as well so they look like me?

Hence why I said 'feels' as in believes, rather than has any genuine proof that it has. However, I think the phrase he used when it came up for discussion over a few beers a number of years ago (I don't have conversations about my brothers' sexual performance on a regular basis, or while sober!), was along the lines of the skin of his glans was 'tough as old boot leather' which he couldn't help but feel affected the sensitivity. And something to do with difficulty in achieving climax due to poor sensitivity.

Yes, it is perfectly possible that neither is related to the circumcision, but this is what he believes to be responsible, and given the absence of medical justification, I think it is fair enough that he feel a bit pissed off about it having been done. If nothing else, it has obviously affected him psychologically, and why would any parent choose to do that to their child?

Soapsy, would it be fair to assume it was religious doctrine that was the cause, or was it more of a cultural thing (as in living in the USA and it being considered "common practice") ?

Just being nosy, to know why it came about.

Neither. Born and brought up in the UK. Parents are CofE. No idea why they had it done, other than my father was, and my father lives in a parallel universe where you do as has been done to you rather than as you would have done unto you!

Blimey, Soapsy. Glad that parallel universe didn't have cannibalism and other stuff in it!

Maybe it goes back (as in some other post) to the 20s when it was "commonly" done.

Misguided, I feel, just as expectation that having oneself served in the military, it's 'required' for {male} offspring too.

"Snorbs you're an uncirc'd man so your view on the sexual side of this subject is very one sided. Maybe you need to talk to men that are circ'd and see what they have to say."

I have. A friend of mine was circumcised as an adult so he has experience of sex both with and without a foreskin. He quite openly admits that sensitivity is reduced.

Starberries -

I think you failed to understand my post, my son did not and never has had an infection of his glans.

His circumcision was done because of a congenital tightness of the foreskin, a medical condition and one that has been in my husbands family for many generations (this was obvious from around six months hence the surgeons, and our, anger that it was not done sooner). There is so much ignorance and myth surrounding this operation that it makes it hard to explain to people.

The end of the penis is still covered in skin when not erect so there is NO thickening of the skin and NO loss of sensation.

There are many of us out there who have no choice but to have our boys "done" in order to give them a chance at a normal sex life when older.

It is disheartening to read all this cr*p about mutilation and loss of sensation and having youtube videos of botched circumcisions done without anesthetic - it bears no resembelence to how it is done in this country and must be so hard for anyone with a little boy awaiting the op to go through.

"I think you failed to understand my post, my son did not and never has had an infection of his glans."

I think it was merely a different view and experience. Some claim better hygiene...

As for what procedure your son had, if the penis is still covered in skin when not erect it sounds contrary to most definitions of circumcision.

I think you'll have to re-read many posts if you think anyone has condemned procedures when there is a medical reason - that's not the case from what I've seen - indeed it's the only reason I'd accept as having validity.

lmm - not one person on this thread has criticised anyone who gets their DS circumcised for medical grounds. That's why I'm mystified that you keep talking about it. It is a really horrible thing to do to a child if it's not medically necessary nor culturally dictated, there is no getting around that.

If we weren't talking about willies but instead about some other body part, then I'm fairly sure you'd agree. A parent who puts their DC through any other medical procedure unless necessary would be considered to have mental health issues. And to be crystal clear, I am not suggesting that is the case with you at all.

littlemoomin I didn't misunderstand your post, I got what you were saying.

I'm just drawing a parallel in that some circumsized boys also have to go through the severe pain of retraction also.

If I set up my own religion in which I stated that all newborn males must have their right hand cut off in order that they cannot masterbate and therefore remain pure and clean, I'd be arrested, jailed and flamed on the AIBU boards.

But Jews and Muslums can go right ahead and chop bits off their babies in the name of culture and it's legal??? WTF.

People dont usually ask WHY you have had your son circumsised, they just ASSUME that you have chosen to do this to your son and I get the same mis-informed critisism as there has been on here, but in real life.

I have been told it is barbaric, that I have maimed my son for life and that he will never be able to enjoy sex (I guess people feel its ok to judge and we were warned about these reactions when we had it done).

He also has come up against the same predudice and been made to feel like some sort of freak.

I worry that someone will come across this thread who has to have their son done for medical reasons and read all this rubbish.

Millions of men are circumsised and live very happy lives (even able to have sex and enjoy it!! belive it or not)

I have to wonder weather some of you have even seen a willy thats been "done". From my own point of view I can see very little difference. I am just asking for a bit less scaremongering as it does not help people who HAVE to go through this.

Really, lmm ? They "assume" it was from choice? I would be surprised and unhappy if that was the case.

As things like that are happening to you in real life, I can see why you are very defensive.

It is surely clear from posts that where there's a medical reason for a procedure, there's no-one quibbling. If it is for religious or, "cosmetic" reasons, it is being strongly questioned.

There are risks, with almost any procedure, but calling other posts "rubbish" "scaremongering" and even "c*ap" makes you come across as incapable of seeing any views other than your own.

I had never thought there would be any "cosmetic" reasons in the UK for such a procedure, clearly the OP is concerned, and may go ahead despite views expressed here. So really, your concerns about other views being "rubbish" are noted but you might need to accept others have strong views, too.

YABU. Please don't do it, let his willie be "as nature intended". There are many downsides to circumcision, it'd be cruel to impose it on him for no good reason.

"I don't agree that it is right for religious reasons unless the person is old enough to consent for themselves."

I agree with you, jellybeans.

Webdude - your critisisms of circumsised men are not differentiating between those done for medical reasons or religious.

I can understand the opinions of those against the operation being done for non-medical reasons, BUT this thread is turning into bashing and putting down circumsised men in general, rather than discussing the ethics of the operation.

Maybe if you were to HAVE to have your son operated on you would have some understanding of the repercussions this sort of scaremongering has (Cant imagine how my 14yr old circumsised son would feel reading any of this). However your knowlage seems to be coming from your mate down the pub and the internet.

From what you say about your DS/DH's penises, I suspect they have had proprutioplasty lmm - that isn't circumcision.

I don't want anyone to feel bad for having been circumcised, far from it. But is it an operation which can't be reversed and I think parents are on pretty shaky moral ground when they have no reason for doing it.

Fwiw I've slept with men who have been done and those who haven't. I don't think drawing generalisations about which of them is 'better' in bed is very helpful and actually I'm finding the 'I find it more arousing/more pleasurable' pro-C argument pretty offensive. If this were a load of men saying they prefer their women to have surgically enhanced breasts I suspect many of you would be outraged.

"Putting down circumcised men"?

Firstly, this thread isn't doing that. Feeling sorry for them maybe.

Secondly, it not the men's choice weather or not to get circumsized anyway. It's their parents who chose when the men had no control over it.(with a few exceptions)

I can't help but wonder when the first case of a man suing his parents over his circumsision will be.

LOL..I bet all those millions of circed men crave pity..

Like all those circed women?

Ladybiscuit - both my son and my husband and his brother and my sons grandad and his dad (sadly deceased) are circumsised. They have not had proprutioplasty.

The words " I don't want anyone to feel bad for being circumcised BUT!" says it all really.

My men are not surgically enhanced and their operations cannot be compared to a "boob job"

Tiggy - I am sure my husband and son will feel great when they hear you "feel sorry for them"! guess they just might wonder WHY?

Female circumcised women are not the same my dear...cutting off you labia and clit is not the same a a piece of skin at the end of your penis..

Well but that piece of skin still does have feelings and an important task> I am all for surgery when it is necessary but do believe that everything else shouldn't be done. Necessary being medical of course, not religion!

How weird - all the men I've ever slept with who have been circumcised have not got any foreskin at all.

I don't judge men who have been circumcised. I don't care whether a man has or not. I do judge parents who do it without a good reason and for someone who keeps insisting it was on medical grounds you seem to have a massive bee in your bonnet about it lmm. If I had removed my son's little toe (for example) because it was causing him pain, I really wouldn't give two hoots what other people thought because it was best for him. And similarly with his foreskin.