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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little tiny bit gleeful about exdh's pain?

36 replies

shoptilidrop · 22/04/2010 13:47

am i??
he has had a foot/leg operation and has text today to say he is in an awful lot of pain and is signed off work for 12 weeks.
i cant help a little evil smile on my face.

Not only is he the biggest liar and cheating sod there is. but he is a terrible patient and i actually feel very sorry for his gf who will be looking after him.

he cant drive or walk far and will be stuck in his poxy one bed flat for weeks and weeks.

hahaha.

also, i have had countless operations over tthe years from which i recieved no sympathy or help from him. not even when i had my c section. i was doing washing and hoovering the day i came out of hospital.

mean, but warranted?

OP posts:
seeyoukay · 22/04/2010 13:51

YABU. Two wrongs don't make a right.

No matter how much of a shit someone is they don't deserve to feel pain. I was in a motorcycle accident in Jan and have had to have my leg rebuilt. Its not pleasants.

YesYouMust · 22/04/2010 13:53

Karma is a wonderful thing.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 22/04/2010 13:54

Mean.
Not warranted.
YABU.

macdoodle · 22/04/2010 14:01

YANBU I understand!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/04/2010 14:05

YANBU, I am surprised people are judging you so harshly!

MadamDeathstare · 22/04/2010 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorrisZapp · 22/04/2010 14:24

I was going to say YABU until I remembered my best friend's newly dumped ex, what a prize prat he was. Lazy, arrogant, sexist cocklodger.

My DP ran into him the other day and he said 'well from now on, sod it. I'm just going to be selfish'.

I'm still pissing myself

Original poster
shoptilidrop · 22/04/2010 16:42

could i also add that he cheated on me so many times i lost count. both before and after we were married. AND he only managed to stay faithful for a whole 2 months after out vows.
but he used to say i was imaginning it all and was physcotic. then times this by ten years.
add in domestic abuse and bullying.
then add in that he was forces and he contuinally gave up my firends/home/job to move all over the place ( including germany ) to be with him
and that he kicked me out of germany and left me homeless, jobless with a 20 month old baby and a dog.

and that after id taken him back for the second time after 2 years of working on it. having given up my OWN home and OWN job where i located on my OWN near my family. and moved 2 hours up the road to be with him, he started an affair with an 18 year old girl army cadet who he was teaching?

and i found secret email accounts full of pictures of him having sex with lots of different women.

am i being unreasonable now?

OP posts:
Original poster
shoptilidrop · 22/04/2010 16:43

sorry - 20 WEEK old baby.

OP posts:
Macforme · 22/04/2010 21:59

After that rap sheet I'd be secretly hoping his whole damn leg drops off.....

Manda25 · 22/04/2010 22:29

He cheated on you before and after you were married??? ...and you married him why???

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me - however - still think YANBU

BAFE · 22/04/2010 22:39

YANBU to be gleefull at the thought of him in pain, it's only human nature to feel as you do now. You'd swear those people who are calling you rotten for doing so were saints who'd never had a mean thought about anyone in their lives.

BUT

YABvvvvvvvU to marry a man who had already cheated on you (why would you do that?)

whooosh · 22/04/2010 22:45

YANBU but ...why on earth did you marry him or ideed stay with him for so lomg after all the betrayal and also have a child with him?

However,I would hope all his limbs fell off bit by bit and VERY painfully (not that I am vengeful at all....)

Seabright · 22/04/2010 22:47

I don't know if it's reasonable or unreasonable to feel like you do.

But it's certainly understandable.

And I'd be having the same evil thoughts as you.

tinkletinklelittlestar · 22/04/2010 22:47

YANBU but don't dwell on it. He is clearly not worth being in your thoughts. Why is he even texting you anyway? Tell him jog on (no, really).

pjmama · 22/04/2010 22:48

Just count yourself lucky that you've finally got this utter waste of space/apology for a man out of your life and let it go. He's not worth it

AnyFucker · 22/04/2010 22:51

am a little bit at people judging you now for staying with him so long...

personally, I would rather congratulate you for grabbing your life back (no matter how long it took) and join you in a secret little smile at his (and new gf's) suffering

yanbu

Original poster
shoptilidrop · 23/04/2010 07:37

i didnt know about the cheating else i wouldnt have married him would i.

he confessed all when i told him i was pregnant. The baby was planned and it took 4 months to concievce.
On hearing the news ( via phone because he was out of the contry and i was stuck in germany) he told me of all of his affairs and that my suspisions were right. then he dumped me and went awol and i didnt hear from him again for about 3 weeks.
SO, im newly pg in germany with no friends of family.
i went back to the uk to see him and try and sort it out and which point he told me to go back to germany and wait for him to come back and in that time he woiuld decicde. so i did. i was 6 months pg before he made up a decision.

im glad im well rid of him. my two regretts are that i stayed so long and that for me he tarnished my whole pregnancy and first few years of my childs life.
i actually hope he gets an infection in the wound.

OP posts:
tortoiseonthehalfshell · 23/04/2010 07:40

Why is he texting you to tell you he's in pain?

differentnameforthis · 23/04/2010 07:59

Understandable, but be the better person.

You have been in pain yourself & know that it is not a nice place to be.

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 23/04/2010 08:40

Understandable.

it's very easy to sit outside a situation and say that the person in it should do x, y, z should feel x, y, z.. should rise above it, should never think ill of another human being, blah blah blah yakkity schmakkity.

But when you're in that situation. When it's you that's living it, feeling it, been hurt by it - you think and feel very differently.

So no, yanbu to feel the way you do. You are a human being who was shat upon from a great height. That hurt you.

Original poster
shoptilidrop · 23/04/2010 09:13

yeah, ive been in pain. Ive had LOTS of operations. So... he can just take painkillers cant it.

Its not the end of the world.

I have NO sympathy for that man at all.

When we were in germany i once got rushed off to hospital by ambulance. He didnt even get out of bed. He was too hungover apparently. I was having the most horrendous gall bladder attack and the pain was so bad i couldnt even open my eyes. AND he just let me go. the ambulance men did not speak english and not many staff at the hospital did either. Do you know how many times my husband came to see me? 3 times for half an hour and i was in hospital for 10 days.

any sympathy i might have had for him, or any compassion i might have showed has slowly slowly vanished more, each time he did something appalling.

OP posts:
Downdog · 23/04/2010 10:20

YANBU you are just being human

do try not to dwell in it/enjoy it too much though.

LtEveDallas · 23/04/2010 11:27

Shop, I remember the final thread - so glad to hear how much better your life is!

YANBU - but stop answering the phone to him! OK, if he is seeing the DC then you have to be in contact - but outside of that I'd be ignoring all calls.

Its not unreasonable for you to feel this way - but rise above and just allow yourself a secret smile - then forget it - you've got bigger and better things to think about, remember?!

(....... and even meaner.......is he still serving? Certain trades now reduce wages for downgraded pers - and they can even be discharged.......maybe new GF wont want him when the money runs out (now THAT would be karma)....)

OrmRenewed · 23/04/2010 11:30

Blimey! Just forget about him. He sounds vile and you need to let the poison go.

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