to ask my DS (16) to contribute financially?

[SmellsLikeTeenSweat]

I need some perspective.

DS leaves school this summer, after his GCSEs. He did some casual work over Easter for a local building firm & loved it.

They've offered him a job as an apprentice, starting in the summer. He will also go to college one day a week in Sept.

He'll be on tea-making low wages at first, around £145 gross a week, so about £7,500 pa (less any tax & NI).

He'll have fares to work, & lunches, and will no doubt buy many of his own clothes & shoes etc, not sure.

But, we are skint by the end of every month now, & not saving anything. DS eats like a horse. Yesterday I said something about how brilliant it will be when he is contributing, and all hell was let loose. DD said 'You're charging him rent?' DH said I was being Victorian, and that 16 is too young. I was thinking that £20pw, £80 a month, might make the difference to us being overdrawn or not.

What do you reckon?

Rule in our house (well, for DSS) was that if he stays in education, rent etc is free BUT if he drops out of education (and was therefor working - won't tolerate a NEET round here) then he had to pay rent.

And we charged £50 a week.

This lasted for about a year and then he went back into fulltime education. (We didn't mind whichever path he chose but that was the rule.)

I suppose you will have to decide if the apprenticeship is work or education.

Oh, and BTW, his/your Child Benefit will stop when he joins the world of work, so another reason why it is reasonable to charge him rent.

I think it is good to be charged rent or to contribute in someway to the household, that will teach him the value of money, and some responsibility.

Good idea from posieparker. Yes, I agree you absolutely should charge him rent. That is what the real world is like. Like you say, he eats a lot as well! Otherwise how is he going to learn the value of money?

£20 is very generous of you. I paid my mum and dad £15 in the summer holidays when I had summer jobs back in 1979. And also make sure he does his own ironing and a share of housework. (maybe your ironing too!!)

i vote for make him pay,

BUT sit down with your dh & get him onside first -

points to note

1. how much it would cost for him to live elsewhere
2. you could charge a little more & put it into savings for him
3. you will be losing child benefit, so will need some extra income
4. he is entering the adult world, and this is a gentle introduction for him
5. will he be contributing towards housework? you could offer a rent reduction if he does laundry/coking etc.
6. if he moved out, you could rent out his room & have a far better income from its use, AND would not be buying that person food etc.

yes, he is your son, but at some point he needs to grow up - this is a part-way arrangement into that situation.

i would let the dust settle, discuss it with dh & agree figures etc with him, THEN sit down as a couple & present your son with options
a) stay here & pay minimal rent
b) move out & get into debt
but if you say that, you have to mean it.

fwiw, if he is starting to gain adult responsibilities (job, rent etc) he should also gain adult privileges. As this is a part-way arrangement, he doesn't get to treat the place like his own, but he should perhaps have some more freedoms, decision making etc.

also, you could offer him one month rent free to 'find his feet' first, as way of a compromise.

However, you have to be as fixed in this arrangement as any bank or landlord would be, if you start wavering & giving him months off etc, then it could all go horribly wrong.

definitely he should contribute. he COULD move out - and lose all of his pay packet to rent and bills!
of course he won't like it - but cat64's suggestion sounds very good and hard for a teen to argue with, espec the child benefit bit. treat him like the adult he'd like to be!

Smellslike.....you have your work cut out for you.
My own parents always made me contribute while I was working and when I went to buy my own house,they handed me a savings book with every penny of the rent that they'd charged me inside.
I couldn't believe it.I'd inadvertently managed to save a fortune and had money when I needed it most.
If it teaches DS that it's a choice between eating or new clothes,I think he'll learn the value of money pretty quickly.

P.S.If £80 makes the difference in your O/D,I'll tell you now,you're not doing too badly.
Best of luck.

I understand why you want to charge him £20 a week.. but at the same time, I think it's a bit unreasonable to ask for money already at 16. He's a student, it's the only time in his life he's not going to have to fork out large amounts of cash, why drag more money out of him?

Possible ideas:

• He pays for his own food and travel.
• Get him to start paying his own mobile phone bill by direct debit.
• Maybe some sort of bookkeeping help?
• Open an ISA/Savings account for him.

You're his mother, not a landlord. And this isn't a third world country or Victorian times where children's wages keep the family going!!

And he's 16, not 6.

Agreed, FlookCrow, that OP is his mother, not landlord, but at the same time, sounds like finances are stretched, and 20/week from well over 100 is hardly enough to make a dent, and a big dent is needed to ram home the cost of living. May sound harsh, but learning early about saving a chunk (as much as a third) is all the more important these days, to be able to be considered later as a sensible person who can be considered for a mortgage (OK, years away, but they say you cannot start early enough with pensions or savings).

Also, OP, get him to put 100 a month into Premium Bonds, perhaps, so when he wants to go off for a summer holiday next year, he can withdraw 200-300 (or more), and in the meantime has a chance of winning a million, yet needs a month's notice to withdraw so cannot be "tempted" to just spend a hundred on a whim (compared with having a bank card).

cat64 suggested "It would also be worth looking up some insurance prices for first time drivers" - that's likely to run from a minimum of 2,500 (*) a year, so unless something goes into savings, cars are definitely out.

(*) It's a guess, based on hearing someone on radio with quotes from 4,000 to 8,000, age 19. With every quote being unique, it is definitely worth checking. I'm curious to know just what it would come up with, too.

I think you are being entirely reasonable. As soon as I earned any money when I was 16 I was paying for my own school lunches. It will teach him the value of money and how far it goes. I like the idea of you putting aside some for him too.

Also, FC, should he contribute to electricity and heating costs ... think of him having a shower when he gets home dirty from work every day, has bought his own PC | TV + 5.1 sound system and leaves everything on when he's watched the film and gone off to sleep... and a share of the TV licence...

If he would be in full-time education and earning some money by taking a part time job I would say you are unreasonable, as he is doing it to have some extra cash.

As he is working full-time though I would say you are completely reasonable! I agree that you should call it a contribution to the household rather than a rent though. It just seems more appropriate.
I also like the idea someone had that you should take a certain amount of his pay so it is fair if your DD ever has to pay.

My sister had to pay a certain amount when she started working as my mum had a hard time financially. If she would have gone to uni though and not have earned any cash that would have not been the case though. I do believe that adults earning money should contribute though. Good luck with your DH

Agree with all of the others - we had to pay rent/living/utilities as soon as we left F/T education.

Can't remember the exact figure but I know my mum/nan always pushed the pay a third/save a third / spend a third thing.

YANBU

i also had my first job at 16 and earned the grand sum of £14;78 per week so 59.12 per month. My mum and dad took £20 a month off me for my "digs money" for the first year as they had done with all my brothers and sisters.

After the first year i was at college and only working part time but they still increased my digs to £20 a week their reasoning being it was in line with inflation!!!!

If nothing else it will teach him to manage his money and learn to live on a budget so i would say go for it

It's true about the child benefit

As someone else has written - get DH on side - if things are stretched now, then losing child benefit may make DH see sense!

Thanks peeps.

Thinking about it, DH was at boarding school & then Uni - three of them - until he was in his late 20s, kept by his parents and, towards the end, me No wonder he has no concept of working at 16 and contributing!!

I should add, he keeps me now. (Lap of luxury )

I would leave it a few months before you start charging him rent. Mainly to see how he gets on in the job. But have a plan anf d tell him you will be charging rent after thoae few months.