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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be in tears after seeing GP

31 replies

tryingtobemarrypoppins2 · 21/04/2010 15:59

Went for my 6 week check today. My mum was meeting me as DS HATES the doctors and 2 days ago had a major tantrum in the GPs room, so she offered to meet me and take DS1 and newborn for a walk/park etc.

Mum was late so I had to go in as the receptionist said GP was soon leaving etc.

DS again had a tantrum, climbing up the door to get out.

Mum arrives - DS leaves in tears "mummy mummy" etc

Gp then says "after seeing him like this on 2 occasions, and hearing you say you sometimes find him hard work, perhaps we should send him for an assessment"

DS is 29 months old.

He is very active, has tantrums, gets over excited, is always on the go etc. But sleeps really well, loves his friends, plays really well, is imaginative/creative, shows loads of compassion.....

I think she thought he had ADHD or ASD

Really upset or AIBU?

OP posts:

agedknees · 21/04/2010 16:06

YANBU. Your ds was in an alien environment, with none of his usual toys etc.

Your GP needs to get more sense (and sensibility). You know your own child better then your GP. Just ignore her. All dc are hard work at times, it is the nature of motherhood.

Pheebe · 21/04/2010 16:07

If you as his mum don't feel anything is 'wrong' dismiss it and see it as GP trying to be overly helpful. Most 29 month olds are boisterous and 'challenging' and loud when they don't get their own way, mine certainly is . This is why they're called the terrible twos.

agedknees · 21/04/2010 16:07

Oh, and sorry, congratulations on the birth of newborn. ds or dd?

Kathyjelly · 21/04/2010 16:07

I think the GP is being unreasonable. Was she very very young? Or very old?

My ds makes a huge fuss whenever I leave him in the care of someone else - until I'm out of sight and then he's fine. Your DS is two and a half for God's sake. They're famed for out of proportion tantrums and I can't think of anyone who doesn't sometimes find them hard work. He sounds completely normal to me.

If the GP wants to check and you don't mind, then fine. Or if you do mind, just say no thanks he was having a bit of an off day. But I really wouldn't worry.

manchestermummy · 21/04/2010 16:08

Your GP sounds daft (congrats on newborn!). Of course your 29mo DS1 is hard work: that's what they do! YANBU to be really upset.

Sassybeast · 21/04/2010 16:15

I wouldn't take offence - perhaps the GP recognised how stressed you are and was offering some sort of support ? Congratulations on your new baby Speak to your HV and get her to have a word with the GP ?

Original poster

tryingtobemarrypoppins2 · 21/04/2010 16:17

Thank-you!
AIBU to ask to have his 2 year check at home then, he will go to pieces at the surgery I just know it

OP posts:

4madboys · 21/04/2010 16:30

not unreasonable at all, my ds4 had his two year check today adn they came and did it at home, infact no one mentioned having to go to the surgery at all.

he sounds normal to me, my ds4 was two in march and sounds similar, full of energy, a very happy little boy generally but a tantrum if he doesnt get his own way or if i leave him (very much a mummies boy!)

sorry the gp upset you, you are bound to be feeling fragile, you just had a baby! congratulations on the new baby and also having a new sibling means your ds is likely to be testing boundaries etc and maybe feeling a bit insecure, hence his behaviour but its sounds standard two year old stuff to me

Original poster

tryingtobemarrypoppins2 · 21/04/2010 16:40

Thanks 4madboys what happens in the check if they don't want to do soemthing - get weighed or play a game?? What do they really do??

OP posts:

4madboys · 21/04/2010 16:47

they didnt weigh ds4, just looked at him and said he looked healthy! he is very tall for his age and has thinned out a bit recently, but the lady asked how he ate, slept etc and was quite happy.

they didnt MAKE him do anything she just chatted with me about him and watched him get on with his usual stuff, i had got some of his fave toys out for him so he played with them and he got given a bookstart bag which had a drawing book and crayons, so he was eager to do drawing/scribbling! once he saw those. oh he wasnt dressed when she arrived this morning (dp was doing school run and we were being a bit lazy) and i asked him to get his clothes so he did and then he amazed me by putting on his trousers himself! oh when she arrived he was still eating his bfast so she saw that he could use a spoon and feed himself.

really it was just like an informal visit, did i have any questions worries etc, but she said she was more than happy with him, he seems to be developing fine and passed with flying colours apparently

APassionateWoman · 21/04/2010 16:49

How on earth can a GP make such a sweeping analysis based on seeing a 2 yr old having a tantrum in a GP surgery (classic tantrum territory by the way - boring + stressful=unhappy toddler, ime).

Ignore, unless you feel there may be some issues with your child.

IndigoSky · 21/04/2010 16:53

Don't forget, your son will have picked up on your anxiety too and that will have made him upset and uncomfortable in an environment he doesn't like.

Ignore your GP. You do not have concerns about your son - he sounds like a normal 2 year old who was outside his comfort zone and could tell you were too - and you are his mother. Who wouldn't find a newborn and a 2 year old "hard work"??

You don't have to have a 2 year check if you don't want to. All that happened with the 2 year check with my 2 dc was that they were weighed and measured, I was asked if I had any concerns, I said no and that was that. Total waste of time ime.

OtterInaSkoda · 21/04/2010 17:10

I don't think the GP was necessarily making a sweeping analysis, Passionate. She has seen the OP's ds melt down twice now and asked the OP if she thought it might be worth going for an assesment.

She might have plenty of experience of dcs with ADHD/ASD (or dyspraxia or any number of things). She might recognize some little foible that the OP's ds exhibited as being like something her own ds with ADHD or whatever exhibits.

YANBU OP to be upset but I really don't think the GP was necessarily at fault.

APassionateWoman · 21/04/2010 17:12

At the very least she was extremely insensitive (and probably not a parent, I'd imagine). You don't offer someone an assessment for special needs based on seeing them tantrum a few times! Unprofessional, imo.

cat64 · 21/04/2010 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 21/04/2010 17:27

The health visitor and nurse refused to check my son when I knew his hearing wasn't great and he had no hearing at all at birth. We went privately. The GP said I should have told him and he would have sorted it out. Some need to think about a career change.

seeker · 21/04/2010 17:28

Two things strike me. One- the gp wasn't diagnosing- she was offering an assessment based on her observations and the op telling her that she finds her son hard work at times. Bearing in mind that some people spend ages begging for an assessment the dr could be seen as admirable on the ball- if a bit tactless. And,two, why does be hate the drs so much? Has he had a lot of medically things happen to him? If not it's quite unusual to react so strongly- maybe the gp was picking up on this as well?

OtterInaSkoda · 21/04/2010 17:56

IME it can take an outsider (a GP, HV, a teacher) to spot when something's a little different - particularly if your dc is an only or is one's first.

Which isn't to say that there is anything to be concerned about in this case - more that it is surely a good thing that GPs and so on notice things and voice their concerns should they have any.

princessparty · 21/04/2010 18:25

I don't think the doctor was at fault.I do think it is a bit odd, even for a child of that age, to behave so extremely when he was in the doctor's room with you there too.
I agree with the above poster.The GP will probably have a lot more experience with young children than you and be able to spot when something seems not quite right.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 21/04/2010 18:29

I think the dr was doing their job, too. Two huge meltdowns in two days at the same place plus a mother who says they find their child hard work; I would hope the GP would offer something, in that scenario rather than let a mum struggle on.

Of course it probably is normal toddler stuff, but I wouldn't criticse a GP for offering a follow up. You don't have to accept it, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't have been offered, imo.

APassionateWoman · 21/04/2010 18:56

Sorry, but you don't say 'perhaps we should send him for an assessment'. You might say 'How are you finding things? Is it a struggle? Would you like to talk to someone about this?'.

If you cried twice in the GP surgery would you expect a GP to say 'Perhaps we should send you to a psychiatrist'? No. Maybe 'How are you getting on? You seem very stressed, would you like to talk about it?'

There are professional ways of going about things.

Original poster

tryingtobemarrypoppins2 · 21/04/2010 19:14

The GP doesn't have children no.
Our DS has had lots of medical treatment and this week has been unwell, hence the last visit.....he was expecting to be examined I think. Do you really think his behaviour was odd princessparty?

OP posts:

troublewithtalk · 21/04/2010 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pronoia · 21/04/2010 20:40

Actually, I think the GP has a point.

Not that there is anything at all 'wrong' with your child, but that parents can miss something in their own cihld which is blindingly obvious to someone else.

Example, friend of mine is now startng making noises about maybe taking her daughter to the docs about possible autistic traits, when the kid has been lining toys up and screaming until she vomits if they get disturbed, screaming inconsolably for up to 2 hours if something unexpectedly changes (like I leave their house, or mum finishes work early and picks up from nursery early) and the moment she told me I though "No shit, sherlock" -

SImilarly I missed my son's ADHD because I thought all kids destroyed their houses frm the floor to the ceiling and I was just too crap to cattch and stop him like other mothers.

mummytime · 21/04/2010 20:43

I would actually suggest that you do talk to your GP wth no children (get them to phone you if someone can't look after them). Tell them the only real worry is that your son is becoming terrified of the doctors surgery. Is there anything you can do about this? If you don't think the GP will be helpful then how about talking to the health visitor?

If you are worried (other than caused by the GP) then assessment might help. But if he's already anxious it could make it worse if there is no cause. (The reaction could be noises, smells, lighting etc. some children are sensitive and it doesn't mean anything worse than being sensitive).

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