Argh childminder rant!!!!!!

[lunavix]

Ok so I know I'm not entirely unreasonable here but I just need to get it off my chest!

I was previously a childminder and my friend started childminding shortly after me and is now my childminder. I know there's pitfuls with this/friendship etc and I'm fully aware of that but it's worked well enough for me as I wouldn't have trusted anyone else with him.

However - ARGH!!!!! I pay her a lot, It's not the highest rate going, and I don't pay for food per se, but I pay her full time hours every week for the year. I don't use a bare minimum of 10 weeks a year (school holidays as I'm at uni) plus her holidays are always school weeks so I pay those too obviously as I pay 52 weeks a year.

Plus as I'm at uni I never do 5 days a week so she has days off during the week, and when I'm on placement she will have anything from 2 to 4 days off a week too. In return I asked that she was reasonably flexible and may very occassionally do overnights, or maybe on the odd week till 7ish in the evening. She also starts at 7 on occassion. But still, it works out I'm paying her far, far more.

Today I was on way home and she text to say 'when you going to be here to collect?' So I said I'd pick them up before their swimming class as I was going home to do a few jobs first and would only have to take them home for 20min before walking back past hers to swimming. She said, no pick them up and come here before you go swimming, to which I replied that I had tons to do so couldn't just sit at hers and she's gone slightly mad saying she doesn't want to do school run as it's only my son she has to pick up and it's not her job to have them for me to sit at home and I'm taking the piss!!

I'm astounded to say the least. I replied that I didn't pay her to sit at home either and she sent me a message back saying 'get stuffed'!!

I actually can't believe she's being like this, I know it's very unprofessional etc but our relationship is very casual but STILL! I just had to vent about it. She did have prior warning too, this morning she asked if I was back for the school run and I ssaid 'possibly' so she asked if she was doing tea and I said definitely not. So it wasn't like I had said I'd definitely be here.

I have a few moans like it. She doesn't like having them at shorter notice at all, eg if I'm stressed before an exam and ask her to have them for the day to revise (what happened this week) she'll pretty much say no or make a huge deal out of it. If she's made plans ie to go out somewhere and they don't fit in the car fair enough I say. But when she's staying at home and has decided she only wants two childminded kids instead of four...

I guess thats me being unreasonable though as I suppose I should give four weeks notice 'officially' of a change of hours. However, I see it as she's paid for them anyways so should she not work them and days off are bonuses?

ARGHHH.

Okay I feel better for the rant :D

Oh stripycat sorry I should have clarified that!

If she starts at 7 she will normally finish at 5.30. That would be twice a week maximum. Maybe occasionally a 9 - 5 on top of it. so 28 hours with dd and 9ish with ds? She is paid for 40 with dd and 20 with ds, 40 with ds during holidays.

Next week I'm on placement and she has them from 3pm till 7pm on Monday, and that's it for the entire week. So the hours greatly vary.

I think she has done over 40 hours two weeks in the two years she has had them (and by 30 minutes each time.) I think they average in the 20s for dd and 8ish for ds.

Plus the 13ish weeks off.

ok, that explains a lot.

suggest your way forward is to not see or present it as 'conflict'. say you'd like to talk about making some changes to the contract. try and keep it entirely neutral, no criticism of her at all, don't link it to recent experiences in any way, don't say anything about fairness or equitability or 'things aren't working', it's just about some changes you'd like to discuss. that will make it harder for her to completely block things.

if she is negative about any of your suggestions (whatever they are), ask her to suggest what would be a suitable compromise. bear in mind that the rule for successful negotiations is always to have thought through what the minimum you need is in advance and lead with more than that - ie start out asking for x but know that you can live with y if needs be. that gives you room for manouevre and gives you some strength - mentally as much as otherwise - you know that you have got what you needed rather than feeling the outcome is a 'failure'. And she gets to feel she has not 'given in' to you.

you sound like you really need to work on improving your network of friends and support in the area my dear, i know it's easier said than done but it's not right you find yourself at one woman's mercy and feel you don't have any friends of your own. you are worth knowing on your own terms x

I don't think she'd ever give notice. Who else gets so many weeks off paid? And usually 2/3 days off a week paid? I think the only way she'd ever give notice is if she filled the place with kids worth more money, and I know she'd factor in the fact she'd then have to work harder for it. After all, todays argument was about one school pick up that she couldn't be bothered to do!

that's good, you can identify that it's worth her while keeping you aboard so all is not lost.

what's her real motivation? is it the good money? is it the fact she feels powerful? is it that it's easy? might help you to work out what she really doesn't want to give away so you can style your negotiation accordingly.

The first thing that struck me is that you pay her 52 weeks of the year! I've never ever heard of paying a childminder when she is on holiday. Sure if your child is on holiday you pay but not if she is on holiday.

The other thing is that if you are chopping and changing days and times then she can't fill other times taking other kids, so it is reasonable that you pay for the hours that she could have had other mindees.

Could you not have some sort of a system where you let her know what hours exactly she is going to have them, even if only a week or so in advance?

If you are feeling alienated, don't use her as a crutch. Could you not get to know some people through your course? Or maybe even some of the other mums at school ?

Ah, you are paying her a lot. You really need have something in writing or find someone else. It's hard to change but it can be done. Why not a day nursery for the hours that are "usual" and your friend or another childminder to do the odd hours?

BTW are you getting your free hours for your eldest yet?

I think you need to formalise your contract with her - be a bit more business-like about it, and set expectations clearly on both sides.

The only way the friendship will work is if you separate the business and personal sides of your relationship.

I think she is taking the piss and is being very unprofessional.

Have you looked at other options? I need childcare from 7am and the majority of childminders around here (northwest) will start then for a few pounds extra. Also, the nursery (private not nhs run) next to the hospital opens from 7am and is very flexible with days etc.

Goodluck

I pay my childminder 5 weeks a year holiday, as well as when the children aren't there (my holidays). Is this not the done thing then?

It depends on the childminder jennieflower - as they're self employed they can charge what they like. Some charge full for both theirs and children's holidays, some charge half for both, some charge for neither (but might include holiday pay in their overall rate).

I would look for other options, a typical CM contract would be the fixed hours, pay half rate in holidays and some holiday allowance (paid).

Sounds like you are getting the worse side of the deal. Plus as you are paying you deserve better service.

I would find someone else pronto, and then hand in notice and be firm and fair. You dont want to ruin the friendship, thats a fair reason to end the arrangement, you have the power! she will miss your money I am sure

She might be steaming with envy -- you, swanning off to uni (in her view), her, stuck on a thankless treadmill.

For me childminding would be the money earning choice if all other options had failed. (Not meaning to denigrate a very demanding job - just that I wouldn't have the patience for it.)

I don't see how youbcan keep your kids with her, to be blunt she sounds like a lazy bitch!
Can't you use afterschool and breakfast club and nursery?

If you pay for fulltime hours then she should have your child within those hours as you ask her to. She is behaving entirely incorrectly but I do think you should reflect on the consequences of employing somebody you know - sadly people do take advantage.
Personally I would send her a letter tonight saying that her behaviour today was completely unacceptable and you are terminating the contract immediately. Let her pursue you for notice pay if she likes. I think the rude text messages give you more than ample grounds.

or you could just start sticking to the letter of the contract - advise her you will be using the full hours and days as of next week for a month as you have so much work coming up. she might be the one that comes running to change the agreement!

Read the rest of the thread and frankly op I think you need to grow some balls here. This woman is all but robbing you! You are the client - you should be discussing your needs together and then she provides the service she's paid for - which includes school pick ups.

You will find another way to manage. Frankly all this aside do you think she is actually giving your children good supportive care? Doesn't sound like it to me. STOP being her gravy train.

What Northernlurker said.

I would also question the care provided.

The thing that struck me was when she asked if you would be there for the school run and you said "Possibly". That doesn't sound like the best way to do it to me. The easy way to stop today from happening would be for you to not have "possibly" answers any more. If you are not sure whether you are going to be able to do pick up etc then when she asks, say no. THEN if you do manage to finish early or change your mind and pick the kids up early ... it's as if you are doing her a favour.

Other than that, no you're not being unreasonable about her behaviour. It's extremely unprofessional, especially the way she spoke to you in the texts.

you need to set exact boundaries that you both agree to. The contract must be set, agreed and adheered to. Having said that.....Childminding is an extreemly demanding job....unlike any other and if you can't agree. Keep your friendship and find a new childminder. Alternatively, look after your own children and do OU.

'YesYouMust - no that's what she said to me, it was a quote.'

Yes i knew that, and i was saying she's talking out of her A hole.

If she talks to her other parents like that i'd be amazed, she's taking you for a mug!

I think this friendship is over, regardless of what happens next, so you have nothing to lose by making your arrangement more formal. I would end this contract with immediate effect, but if you do continue then I strongly advise that you stop thinking of her as a friend, but as your childcare provider. Have set times in your contract and tell her that you will be using her during the holidays as you are no longer getting the flexibility that meant you were happy to pay for time not used. She may well have a change of heart when she considers the implications of this wrt her time off!
When I was a childminder, I only worked during term times. The mother of the children I looked after was a teacher so this worked out well for us both. Obviously I was flexible with regard to teacher training days etc. Perhaps you could find someone who only wants to work term time as this would be much cheaper for you. I would not discuss this with the exh until alternative arrangements are in place. I wouldn't accept interfearance unless he was going to offer practical help. Whatever you decide, this woman is taking you for a mug and you ought to call a halt to this. She is tading flexibility for time off and needs to be remindedof that. As things stand she wants all the money but none of the work. Good luck

OP, one thing that strikes me from your post is that although you do sound angry and frustrated, I don't get the impression you actually want to do anything constructive about it? Childcare is a nightmare, I do know, I have been in your situation re uni etc, but honestly this woman is, well, cheeky.

ime people who go around 'badmouthing' others (you said if you fall out with her, you'll have no other friends in the area) end up being the ones on their own. she may, temporarily, get people to sympathise with her, but i assume that as you are sometimes at school, that you know some other mums. sooner or later they'll click that she's just stirring.

completely aside from this, you need to get to know other people in the area, even if they're not real friends, it will help your kids.

and you need to be more organised with your hours - how much of this flexibility is because college/placement etc changes, and how much because it depends how busy you are? set down the hours you need, allow for time to do college work, not just when you're at college, and stick to it. it is disruptive if you're constantly changing, whether you've paid her for it or not, she's not a drop-in centre, BUT the way that's she's spoken to you is not on.

Try having a mature discussion about the hours & how you both need to sort them out to be more dependable, if she starts getting stroppy, perhaps she needs to be asked how OFSTED would react to a message saying 'get stuffed'. You've been given some good advice on how to negotiate - if necessary, write down how YOU want this resolved, then approach her with your plan.

Even if you are friends, as she is your CM surely you would have a contract between you and her stipulating the hours that you are paying for.