to think it is impossible to have male friends without there being some sort of hidden agenda on either part.

[Slugbrains]

Yes I am being cynical, tis allowed as this is aibu not chat.

So what i want to know is it truely possible to have male friends with absolutely no agenda?

Cos it definetly doesnt feel that way sometimes.

I suppose men and women who are attracted to each other will want to be friends. So that is a necessary factor in building a relationship. However, just being friends without being physically attracted to someone is also possible. I have been in both situations. DW is my best friend. I have other female friends who are and never were going to be anythng else.

Problem is, it is not possible to know for sure whether it is just friends or more. I suppose if you are single and the other person is single it is more likely to be 'more than just friends'.

interesting read that ladder theory.

Lifeis - sorry you have been put in that situation, tis bit .

TSC - its intersting your getting older observation. I have encountered a bit of that, but then again have also had the rule that i wouldnt date anyone who I wouldnt consider would make a good friend as i value those qualities. DOesnt mean to say i have got this right and doesnt mean to say that i intended for them to ever be just friends.

Men have one of looking and life that is completely different to the way a lot of women approach it. Plus most women give you the look when you start discussing the discombobulation of a carboretter for the sole purpose of cleaning and reassembling in the name of maintain of petrol powered vehicle.

Meant to say, still not sure that there isnt an underlying agendaa. Might conseed that it isnt always sexual. but then again might not.

Clearly I'm doing something wrong. Even though I've been in monogamous relationships almost constantly for the past ten years, and many of the males I have met have been friends of boyfriends or at least certainly aware of my relationship status, I have never had a male acquaintance/friend who hasn't at least alluded to fancying me one way or another. It's never been a simple friendship.

I couldn't imagine having a close male friend without complications and that's saddening. The last time I attempted to was the last time I believed it was possible - he was a uni friend that I met in lectures and would lunch with, shop with, hang out with...until he got drunk and confessed that he'd only befriended me to try and shag me.

I think it is perfectly possible to have friends of the opposite gender without there being any hidden 'agenda'.

However, I do think that some people do only have 'friendships' with the opposite sex when they are attracted to that person. I have noticed it more with people who went to single sex schools (although not everyone who went to those schools by any means)

Yet again more evidence for my theory that lesbian separatism is the only way.

gay40. not sure that it is quite ^that6 conclusive yet.

At getting on for forty, and they are work colleagues (often with children themselves) or the husbands of friends - totally possible to be only friends. None of the ambiguity that could have been there in my twenties or even later pre-baby.

I have many (younger) male friends so I definitely think you can have male friends without agenda

I was a little taken aback the other year when a long term male friend introduced me to another female friend of his, as.... 'Oldraver, who has always had the hots for me, but cant have me'. He lodges with my best friends and they did a bit of digging and confirmed he genuinley thought I had the hots for him . I was a bit shocked he could of read our 'friendship' so wrong.