to think it is impossible to have male friends without there being some sort of hidden agenda on either part.

[Slugbrains]

Yes I am being cynical, tis allowed as this is aibu not chat.

So what i want to know is it truely possible to have male friends with absolutely no agenda?

Cos it definetly doesnt feel that way sometimes.

I find it difficult to make female friends as an adult - I have very little patience for 'girliness' and I'm aware that I come across as brusque and unsympathetic with people.

This is generally less of a problem with men and I've ended up with some very good, very close female friends I've known since I was at school and then a whole raft of male friends since then.

I studied and now work in a very male-dominated field, so i have to be quite tough to succeed, and I have succeeded.

This makes me even less tolerant of women who don't stand up for themselves or appear to be weak.

My husband is good friends with a lot of my male friends and trusts me implicitly, as I do him.

I think that 'agenda' is quite a loaded word that gives the idea of some sort of pre-meditation.

As far as the m/f friendships without complications/chemistry goes - IME this doesn't happen. But, that said, I'm single so male friends are far more likely to express any potential intentions than they would if I were attached in any way. Any male frienships (with unattached male friends) have the potential to become something more, and if we get on well etc it would be daft not to explore that option.

All that said, I do expect these friendships to continue into the days where both parties are happily settled with other partners and any 'agenda' is gone.

To be honest, I have always found it easier to form friendships and spend time with men than women. Not sure why, I feel more insecure around women. I was a real tomboy growing up, my only real friends were the boys I met at 5 yrs old at the sailing club that I septn every second of my spare time at. We're still close now, albeit geographically distanced. This has changed slightly as I've grown up, I do have a few very close female friends now. I've never been one for having lots of less close friends though.

I think it's impossible to have friends full stop. Everybody ends up wanting to shag me.

Of course it's possible, but I'm gay so all my male friends would be wasting their time absolutely.
My female friends are either straight (not interested) or gay (not interested) and to be honest I wouldn't want friends around me that had that sort of agenda.
I have a few exs as friends and there's still no agenda.
I can't be arsed with agendas, frankly.

at BitOfFun

I think it depends on your circumstances, if you're in a relationship then yes, if you're single then unlikely!

So what you are saying is, if you are single then you are fair game for any bloke that knows you?????

Not everybody finds everybody else of the opposite sex physically attractive.

Course it is possible.

Yes, definitely absolutely possible. I remember having this argument with XP, who thought that it was impossible. I realised then that he had and would never have just been friends with me, or in fact ever thought of me as a friend in any sense It also made me feel a bit because he had stacks of female friends whereas I was not "allowed" any male friends just in case they might be interested.

Besides, if it was impossible, bisexual people really would be screwed

YABU. just because you find your friends attractive, doesn't mean you are attracted to them. lots of my friends are really hot, good luck to them. I'm sure it would be lovely to shag them, but DP might object.

If you have friends "you might, but not yet" that says more about your life than your friendship.

[declaration of interest - I'm a single man]

I find it perfectly possible to have platonic friendships with women. One married friend of mine is the mother of my DC's oldest friends and we all meet up every week. I like her immensely as a friend and have known her for the best part of a decade but she's most definitely Not My Type and I sincerely doubt I'm hers either.

Then there's my ex-SIL who keeps in regular touch with me and my DCs and who is a lovely human being and a pleasure to spend time with. But I've got zero romantic aspirations in her direction.

I have good friends who are men. But I am not gorgeous at all, maybe that is why all is well?
DH has good female friends (many good-lookinh IMO), some are friends of mine too, some are mainly his, it has never been an issue.
Maybe it depends on perceived availability/potential? I have 0 of either.

My best friend from age 15 - 23 was a guy. Fortunately, partners that we had during the friendship knew us both before so it didn't get in the way. My Mum was the only person who thought it was really odd. He looked exactly like a young Paul Newman, according to her, and she couldn't understand why I didn't fancy him. Er - because he was my best friend. He was actually a bit like a brother I never had. To fancy him would have been, well, weird.

We're not in touch any more but my Mum occasionally bumps into his Dad.He's still a free spirit. Rather keen still on dope, lives in France with various partners and children. He'd hate what I've become. I often think of him.

IMO it's only possible if you've got the attraction stuff out of the way first. It sounds like a brag (and it is most certainly not) but without fail, every single one of my male friends has cracked on to me at one point or the other. Some have waited years, some have tried when I'm coupled, some have been the shoulder-to-cry-on after a break-up and have had a crack then! Even the ones that I've thought were completely platonic have given it a go. Classic.

It depends on age I think. I don't think there's many single guys under the age of 30 who would think that it's worth it to spend all that time and attention on a female unless there was some form of sexual interest there. As you get older, get married, have kids etc it's far more possible I think.

P.S. Read this! All the way through.
www.laddertheory.com/

YABU. And now I won't be friends with you, so ner.

Kiwiinkits - I know what you mean. I was wanting to post a question a bit like this because I am recently single. Up until recently my husband and I have had a number of other couples in our group of friends. I count them all - male and female - as friends. However, since I have been single the relationships I have with the men has changed. Three of them have made moves on me in the last few months. I hasten to add that I am in no way attractive and have not encouraged this at all. To be honest, after the third one tried it on I started to feel heartily depressed about mankind in general. Previously I thought that all of these men were decent, honest family men and this has really shocked me.

It has upset me in a lot of ways - because they are married to my friends, because they were prepared to use me to get their kicks and then go back to their wives (and thought I might go along with this!) and mainly because I feel like I'm losing people I thought were my friends. It is really, really crap.

I did think men and women could just be friends. Now I'm not so sure.

Hmmm, course you can I thought when I 1st started reading, Ive got several male friends Im close to, have been since my early teen,
Then read Lifeissweet's post and thought well actually, although not been in exactly that situation, my husbands best friend is married with 3 kids, has hinted a few times (mainly when hes drunk) that we, as in me and him could have got it together at that, I have on all occasions told him to get a life, not a hope in hell.
I have never felt that way about him, if fact TBH I dont particulay like him, hes rather big headed and arrogant, but his wife and kids are great tho, so just think of it as the booze talking, and have never spoken about it.

Well I have female friends - and there has definitley never been an agenda and there is never going to be.