to be saddened that the kids from upstairs have pulled up all my flowers?

[Narabug]

Ok, I know I ABU if I expect 6-7yr olds to know what side of the garden is mine and which side is their parents (they live above me and access to our properties is up a path, along one side is 'my' garden (i.e. my responsibility to look after and my space to plant), and the other is 'theirs'. I know its not malicious and they weren't to know!

I was coming back from town to find the little boy from upstairs and two other children having just finished pulling up all the daffodils, tulips, hyacinths and various other flowers that I'd spent a fair part of the previous year planting when I moved in. They had all come through in the past few weeks and were looking gorgeous, now they are shredded in piles all over the path and grass.

The children don't speak English (I know this from a previous encounter) and it would have been too late to have asked them to stop - and I definately wouldn't have told them off as thats not my place to do so, I took DD into my flat in her buggy, and once I'd shut the door and gone to the kitchen the upstairs mum was just vanishing up the street with the kids, so I didn't get chance to speak to her either - don't know what I would have said anyway though!

I know in the grand scheme of things this is nothing, but AIBU to be upset by it? I'm recovering from PND to it doesn't take much to upset me, maybe I'm just being hormonal

of course yanbu! really they should know themselves not to do that! it's sad

Thank you! Made me feel a bit less ridiculous for sobbing over my ruined garden

YANBU - they are deffo old enough to understand about not picking flowers, no matter who they belong to. And their parents should be watching them / making them apologise, etc.

The mum didn't say anything, she has very limited English too, they only moved in a few months ago and I door-knocked to welcome them to the area and say hi. I've since only spoken with her once (there is a lot of banging and running around coming from their flat most nights until late at night and it wakes up DD) to ask if they could be a little quieter, she couldn't understand what I was saying.

Maybe I will pop a note through their door, it may be easier for them to translate if its written, but I don't want to seem chirlish!

you are totally in the right and would have been quite justified in telling them off. They are of an age not to do things like this English or not. I would try and speak to the mother, but I would also mention it to the landlord, they are causing damage to your property, is there any way of fencing off your bit?

There isn't unfortunately, the path to access our properties runs right against it and its open to the main road, its only a few metres of border really, maybe a bit grand to call it a 'garden'!

I would drop a note round with a bill for the damage and tell the landlord (unless of course you're not renting) about their noise and the damage to your property.

YADNBU - my two are 4 & 5 and know that you do not go round pulling up plants wherever you are.

Just to add I agree with Pennies but why don't you ask her to get her dcs to help with the re planting. That way they may see things differently.

NBU at all! I would be gutted too.

Children that age should know not to pull flowers up.

And if you had gone out and asked them to stop that would not have been out of order in any way shape or form! If next doors kids were pulling up my flowers I'd be straight out there.

We're both renting but from different agencies, I don't know who they are with. I'd feel very bad threatening to report the noise though, I know it must be very hard bringing up a lively 6yr old in a small upstairs flat and some noise (albeit late at night most nights, and from several children as they always seem to have friends/relatives staying with them) is understandable and unavoidable.

But it's been enough for you to mention it to us, and no doubt to toher peopole in RL too. That means they're making too much noise IMO.

YANBU and in fact deserve a medal for being so restrained as to say "saddened" - I'd be crying if it were my flowers.

I agree Pennies, it is annoying but I still feel bad, I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable, I know they must hear noise from me too, there may be issues/factors that I'm not aware of. I guess thats what comes from living in a flat.

skihorse, I was a bit tearful, but a bit afraid to admit it

Hiya, sorry ImSoNot, just spotted your post, I was out, and by the time I was getting home they had finished and were just standing in the garden with handfuls.

God you must have been absolutely gutted.

I would be sobbing too, no shame in that.

Regardless of where the flowers are, my 6yr old dd knows not to pull flowers out of beds!

I am not surprised you are upset, a lot of hard work for little reward!

If anything, you are under-reacting, and could do with being more assertive.

You are very kind to try and be so understanding, but the fact is they have damaged your property and ruined your hard work. I think that a note plus a bill to replace the bulbs is perfectly reasonable- you don't have to phrase it nastily or anything. I would also be tempted to suggest that the children help you with re-planting too. It might encourage them to appreciate the work that goes into it, foster some respect and appreciation for their surroundings, and build a bit of a bridge between you all.

Handled well, this could have quite a positive outcome.

Thanks peeps. You know, I was soooo expecting to get flamed and have biscuits chucked at me (which I'd actually quite like, I'm STARVING!)

If it wasn't for the language barrier I would be knocking on their door asking for help with replanting, but I think I'd just cause more confusion, especially as I won't be able to replant now until bulb planting season (usually October)

What language to they speak?

You could try an automatic translation online to help you write a note?

YAB v R - I would be being less so . (Shh, don't tell anyone, you'll spoil my 'image' - but I would have cried!!)

I think you should put a note through their door about the plants and about the noise - start it by saying that you have written a note instead of calling around because you understand English isn't their first language and thought a note might be easier for them, you could also say that if they have someone who could translate you'd be happy to talk to them too....

Children of 6/7 are definitely old enough to know not to pull plants up and to know which side of the 'garden' is theirs!!

Sometimes you can be tooooo nice!

(Nice-cup-of-tea-and-packet-of-biscuits-for-you!!)

YANBU and I would ask their mum if they could help with re-planting.

Take photographs of the damage as a record, time and date.
If she doesn't speak much English, put all the flower refuse in a box, write your note and give the whole lot to her. That way she will understand what you are complaining about.
If you don't act clearly and firmly now, then the situation will recur in the future.

I'm not sure, I think its a European language but I'm not very good at identifying languages!