to be saddened that the kids from upstairs have pulled up all my flowers?

[Narabug]

Ok, I know I ABU if I expect 6-7yr olds to know what side of the garden is mine and which side is their parents (they live above me and access to our properties is up a path, along one side is 'my' garden (i.e. my responsibility to look after and my space to plant), and the other is 'theirs'. I know its not malicious and they weren't to know!

I was coming back from town to find the little boy from upstairs and two other children having just finished pulling up all the daffodils, tulips, hyacinths and various other flowers that I'd spent a fair part of the previous year planting when I moved in. They had all come through in the past few weeks and were looking gorgeous, now they are shredded in piles all over the path and grass.

The children don't speak English (I know this from a previous encounter) and it would have been too late to have asked them to stop - and I definately wouldn't have told them off as thats not my place to do so, I took DD into my flat in her buggy, and once I'd shut the door and gone to the kitchen the upstairs mum was just vanishing up the street with the kids, so I didn't get chance to speak to her either - don't know what I would have said anyway though!

I know in the grand scheme of things this is nothing, but AIBU to be upset by it? I'm recovering from PND to it doesn't take much to upset me, maybe I'm just being hormonal

I don't blame you for being upset! YANBU!

We've got a communal garden for our flats and there were some children in the garden pulling up the plants and whacking the ones too big to pull up with sticks. And their parents were just sat there watching them do it!

Made me so and as lots of the pensioners who live in my block spend hours in the garden, gently weeding. I stuck my heda out the window (got no direct access to the garden from my flat) and said "Excuse me, people have spent a lot of time looking after those flowers and they didn't do it just for them to be ruined like that".

Think the children + parents were just visiting so didn't care! Parents completely ignored me but the children stopped beating up the flowers, at least.

Re: upstairs noise, I have/had the same problem and felt similarly to you, didn't want to say anything as knew it would be hard for them to keep the noise down.

Eventually spoke to the dad (who spoke English) and he agreed that a fair compromise would be to limit the late-night banging (shoe-clad feet on floor, jumping, throwing toys etc).

I can still hear spoken noise, ifyswim, but no banging and that has made a huge difference. The dad didn't seem to think it would be too hard to limit the banging so perhaps you could ask them to do that?

Maybe -if you write a note, hand deliver it with a smile so they know that the note isn't intended in an aggressive way? (notes can sometimes seem a bit nasty, if other threads on here are anything to go by).

I wouldn't be sad I'd be bloody furious!

Child of 6 or 7 should definitely know not to pull up flowers. You're obviously a lot nicer person than me becaue I'd have shouted at them

With regards ot the replanting..is it possible that yuo can buy (and bill them for ) fully flowering plants i.e. replacing lik e for like? You shouldnt miss out on as lovely garden over spring and summer due to their non supervision of their children!

Maybe you should a plant called pyracantha around your boundary area as this is thorny and grows fast enough to protect your own plants.

I agree also you should get the parents to foot the bill - have you takens photos at all?

The children are old enough to know what they did is wrong, either having already been taught it by a parent, or by being told it by you.

If language is an issue, simply ask the mother and the DC to come with you and point to it.

Then go and get new plants and take them the bill for it.

You are being way too nice here, the noise and now this destruction of your garden? Enough. find out the agent and report these people.

YOUR agent may know, or may be able to suggest a few agents for you to ring around.

Don't let this slip.

What horrible little shits.Very sorry for you ,this is not a nice thing to happen.Go and take the mother by the arm and point to damage and point to boys till she gets the message.My kids know not to pull up daffodils etc and they are 4 and 7. There is no excuse for this behaviour in my opinion.

I agree with Darkandstormy speak to the Mum -try not to be too angry but a few tears might make the kids feel guilty.
She is being sloppy letting them get away with that.
You never know in time to come she might become your bestest friend/neighbour.

From her point of view I wouldn't want to be an immigrant who doesn't speak the language stuck in a flat with ghastly sprogs.
But from your point of view I wouldn't let it pass without doing anything. If you break the ice you can deal with the noise issue in the near future.

(to be honest, Narabug, I would behave like you - very upset and do nothing but my advice above is what you possibly should do)

Narabug, thats horrible, I would be in tears too (shh!) Please speak to the mum and show her what they have done.

I'm really angry on your behalf, I would have said something to them as soon as I saw them with the flowers.

The flowers will come back next year, and if it was me I wouldn't try to get them to pay for them, but I would make sure that they and their parents were well aware how upset you are.

I've just checked clipart to see if there was a picture that could be used as a no flower picking sign, but can't find an ideal one.

I planted bulbs in the grass outside my house a couple of years ago and was devestated to watch adults walking all over them, kids jumping on them etc you try to do something to make the world a little bit nicer, put in hard effort, money, time and it just gets trashed.........

it makes me really sad

FWIW I would have had a total fit, gone to see the parents about it, taken them to see the killing field that remained of my lovely flowers and told them their children had done it, and then cried and stomped off.

Usually works in most languages.

It is totally unacceptable behaviour by children and they need a good telling off about it. I am sure they knew it was wrong, at that age.

Narabug - im so sorry for you. Iwould have been inconsolable. I remember years ago a child living nearby pulled all the heads off the tulips that my mum had planted shortly before she died. It broke my heart. You are most certainly NBU.

Hi everyone, thanks you've all been really lovely. I've not seen/heard upstairs neighbours all day, so I've not had chance to speak to them. I do really feel for the lady upstairs, it must be really hard for her, but I am going to write a note and deliver it round when they are next in. I don't want to make her feel villified but you are all right, this can't be seen to be acceptable.

In the mean time I think I will plant a border of cacti........mwah ha ha.....

I'd want to know if they were mine!

Pretty sure she'd understand what you meant if you grabbed a handful of pulled-up flowers and went and knocked on her door looking cross!

Does the children no harm to know there's a lady downstairs who gets grrrr and upset with them when they misbehave, either!

YANBU. Go and give their mum the flowers. With the dirt. And tell her to get English lessons.

Yanbu. I would have gone up to see her that instant. I would want to know if my child did this.

YANBU, my 4 yr old knows not to do this.
Agree with putting the flowers in a box and going round so she understands what you mean.
Them not speaking english doesn't mean the children shoudl get away with bad behaviour.

I would have been very upset. DD is 3.5 and knows you mustn't pick flowers.

I would absolutely address it, politely of course, but address it you must.

Nip it in the bud.

(Am hoping pun may make you smile a little after feeling so sad about it)