to think that you shouldn't be able to get a thread deleted just because you don't like what people are saying?

[OhBuggerandArse]

I can perfectly well understand that you might need to ask for a thread to be deleted if you've given away too much personal information by mistake, or if it's descended into abuse, or something like that.

But the FIL loan-with-interest thread, while many posters were challenging the OP's take on the situation, was perfectly respectful IMO. People's perfectly legitimate opinions, and a lot of very helpful advice which must have taken a long time for them to put together, have been deleted; is this simply because izziebear was finding it a bit uncomfortable, or is there some procedure for deciding which threads should be removed that isn't clear from the site guidelines?

Ahhh - it's been deleted then

DH and I had a stupid row last night because he had made dinner and it was getting cold while I took ages posting a link to an old thread about cost cutting in order to give OP some constructive ideas (ancient creaky computer)

Glad I took the time to do that

I'm giving up on MN I think

doggie - you make an valid point.

While anything abusive, or which has inadvertently let slip very personal details should be deleted, it's not the same as threads where people are disagreeing, or where they question inconsistencies which the OP has herself made.

MN can be great, and one of its strengths is that it can be controversial; it has also mushroomed beyond anyone's expectations;it has power beyond anyone's expectations - just look at all the election fever- but this level of publicity won't last forever, and MN will need to return to being a useful, open forum where people exchange views. If it isn't doing that, people will lose interest.

LeQueen, I think you were very brave or, and I say this with all due respect, foolish maybe, to post about such serious matters. All said and done this is a huge forum and you never know who is reading, I am overcautious about what I post, I'm a very tiny sprat in a large ocean in which no-one has much interest, but I think you (generic) can be in danger of giving too much away. Sorry if it appears I'm preaching to the converted by the way!

That said, you must have a high stress threshold to put up with people on your case as in this instance. I'm a wuss who worries relentlessly!

What does AIBU by stealth mean?

Also, I agree it is annoying when a thread is deleted when you've spent ages posting advice etc (and when the advice would be useful for other people) but I can understand how a thread can "run away" and take you into territories you hadn't considered and don't feel comfortable about- I guess would be worse if you have photos etc on your profile as you're not anonymous.

Is it ever possible just to edit the OP to make it more generic so that the advice etc people have posted can remain withut the personal stuff from the OP? I guess that's impractical though really.

Hmm - I didn't see what transpired on the thread today (after my last 4AM post - am in a different time zone), but at that point there was nothing (imo) that would have caused the OP to be identifiable or feel flamed. It is simply that (at that point), most of the thread was telling OP she was BU, and the more she argued back/defended herself/justified/gave excuses, the more vehement the posts became.

Am a bit stunned the thread was pulled, unless it had seriously degenerated. OP should have simply hidden the thread, imo. Or taken a good hard look at her choices and realised she was in the wrong.

Don't think it is fair or right to have a thread deleted just because you don't like what people are saying (as long as it is reasonably civil).

'Am a bit stunned the thread was pulled, unless it had seriously degenerated.'

It didn't.

plimsolls, if the OP is getting YABU and she doesn't think she is, it is used to describe the way the OP reveals information over several posts to explain her situation in the hope posters will all start to take sympathy & start to agree with her.

Does that make sense?

differentname Yes that makes total sense and I'm glad there is a name for it. I get irrationally quite annoyed by that as it makes me wonder why they bothered asking AIBU in the first place. Thank you.

Glad it makes sense!

How do you name change?

To be clear the thread was pulled not because we thought the OP was making stuff up, but because she'd written something about her FIL and changed some of her personal details so she wouldn't be recognised (would've been easier for her to change her nickname but she knows that now!)

It wasn't long before other members did a search on her previous posts and realised there were some differences and shouted troll. She reported her thread several times and was pretty upset.

We'd ask you to remember our Troll policy - if you have suspicions please write to us rather than post on the boards.

Many thanks.

I don't think anyone shouted troll, just asked for clarification of how old her child was, as it was pretty important to the thread, afair.

Why do you all care so much ? So you wasted a few minutes posting? MNHQ is saying there were valid reasons to pull the thread.

Stop all this troll hunting and report anyone suspicious, or just don't go on a thread if you suspect the person.

I have been on threads where the OP gets a bit offended and doesn't come back. Sure, it's mildly annoying, but as someone earlier said, it doesn't mean they won't benefit from my pearls of wisdom in the longer term. Just that they may need time to overcome their defensiveness and let it sink in.

Not that was the situation here, since it doesn't sound like it was deleted for that reason.

"Clearly, I didn't do a good enough job because some mindless f*ckwits recognised similarities delighted in outing me.!¬

Thanks!!!! I one was of the people you kindly refer to

I just thought it was very strange that the same post had been posted twice. I did not even occur to me that someone would post twice on here using different names! If a problem is that big I would NOT have thought MN is the right place to handle it. I did not "delight" . I just it was seriously weird to post the same problem twice, still do.

Suggest you get off here and deal with your problems properly. In RL maybe rather tha n on an internet forum?

porcamiseria - I think you're being a little harsh.

I have a RL issue at the moment that I would really like to discuss with someone but its very confidential and I did think that it would be great to be able to start a discussion on here to get some valuable outside perspective on the situation.

I have decided that as I would have to change so many details to keep it confidential that it would be too difficult to keep that story straight iyswim.

MN is a great way to get opinions from people not directly involved in something and its a pity that sometimes there is too much Miss Marpleing going on.

"mindless f*ckwits
"brains and common sense of a vindictive 6 year old

and thats not harsh? I would not have minded but the OP was flamed first time for being judgy and snobby (its so fucking sad that I even remember this), so I thought it was so queer to come up again!

anyway if she was that bothered about confidentiality why is she hashing it up here?

This is a public internet forum, not the samaritans. people time and time again seem to forget this. It thats that senstitive dont bloody post in AIBU GAH....

porcamesier harsh.

i missed this thread but why shouldnt the op ask for it to be deleted?yes this is a public internet forum not rl and no its not the samaritons but its a blardy good tool at times for advice and help.

No I wasnt, I made one comment about "think XXX said this a while ago?" then moved on

My feedback for you is: if you think that Mumsnet "am I being unreasonable" is an appropriate forum to deal with your business issues you have real problems. I am actually astounded that you would think this is an approproate place to handle commercial, sensitive business problems.twice!

Good luck, quite frankly you need it

I agree with you LeQueen too. I read your thread and even though i dont post much I recognised the situation as being similar to one before about a work colleague. But as you said, you weren't responding to their questions and most people would have realised why.

It is a shame that we have to watch every word we say in case some people check every detail and out us because of it