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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Spoilt Rotten

79 replies

foureleven · 15/04/2010 08:40

To kind of hope some of the mums from this programme are on here so we can find out what on earth they were thinking of??!?!!

I know this was on BBC on Tuesday but I only saw it last night. At first I thought it was cut and dry - parents fault.

Then when I saw the guy being taught by a doctor how to cut a kiwi fruit (?!) I thought my god, somewhere someone has failed this guy!

And what about the mother with the over weight son... surely she has mental health issues, no?

Also wanted to punch the doctor who's opening line right near the beginning of the program when discussing childhood obesity "we're seeing it more and more now, with more parents working, children speanding more time in front of the TV.."

Well, might as well have got the working mum bashing out of the way right at the start hey??!!

Strangly I was actually less concerned about the cost to the NHS and more concerned with the effect of these parents behaviours on the poor kids.

I mean, they clearly loved their children, the mums who were in hospital with their children having their teeth out were so distraught they made me have a little tear... So if they love them so much why arent they being stronger and saying no to all the sweets.. I suppose its the old 'killing with kindness' thing.

Discuss...

OP posts:
shockers · 15/04/2010 10:10

I must be older than you hazeyjane! Our school dinners were fab ( apart from tapioca that is )

Oenopod · 15/04/2010 10:38

We had fab school dinners too, though I do have a very distinct memory of being forced to eat tinned tomatoes mixed up with my mashed spuds 'to hide the taste'. I gagged and retched, and the dinner lady relented - but i can still taste that today... It only happened once.

We used to share a Mars bar between four on a Saturday, or we were allowed two minstrels from the bag. I still can't eat a whole Mars Bar - though I can easily manage a Twirl or a Flake...

I was always jealous of the next door neighbours because they had kitkats and bags of crisps, on tap - they could help themselves!

Now we're all adults none of us are obese, but then neither are the kids we grew up with next door. So that proves nothing.

posieparker · 15/04/2010 10:39

I am 35 and things like Findus Crispy pancakes did find their way into my home, but only as a very special treat!! We used to have soup/sandwich for lunch at home and a cooked, from scratch, meal....hardly ever pasta either because that was new in the UK. School lunches were delicious and not full of chips or fritters. I wasn't really allowed to watch TV and there wasn't any dedicated children's channels. We didn't even have a car or washing machine until I was five.

Our only ready meals were a treat when my parents went to M&S, which was 30 miles away and that was once a month!

Kneazle · 15/04/2010 10:47

I am a bit older than you and i remember school dinners as minging. Mined beef and gravy with smash. The minced beef used to have little tubes in it [barf]

At home we used to have fairy bread (white sliced bread with butter and hundreds and thousands on it) and Ribena for tea.

Kneazle · 15/04/2010 10:48

Minced beef not mined beef from a beef mine

hazeyjane · 15/04/2010 10:49

I am 40, by the way.

I think I might start a thread noseying about peoples eating habits etc when young, I just find it odd, because my experience is of quite a lot of processed food (I had cheesy Findus crispy pancakes practically every day from the age of 12 when I became vegetarian). We ate stuff grown in my grandad's alottment when we ate there, but even so, we had puddings every night, stuff like suet pudding with golden syrup poured on top!

I did have a fat phase when I was a young teenager, because I used to comfort eat a lot - and I mean a HELL of a lot!

posieparker · 15/04/2010 11:05

My parents were the only ones, from 12 siblings between them, to have their own home and both worked. Their first house cost £2000 in 1971. Whilst my sister and I never went without my mother did the best with very little money, she didn't eat two days a week as she couldn't afford it. She also bought eggs individually!! So perhaps back then convenience food was more expensive and you had to have a freezer!!

Ivykaty44 · 15/04/2010 11:07

crown court!! hazeyjane - I used to love watvhing that program, that has brought back some fab memories of walking down the town with my granddad and getting the shopping, then walking home and having lunch of bread and cheese wth tomatos grown in the back garden, playing out over the field all afternoon after watching crwon court at lunch time,,,

I spent all the summer of 73 with my grandfather as my mum had a big op that summer

OTTMummA · 15/04/2010 11:25

we used to get faggots and the whole range of finders krispy's served for dinner at home! pure grosseness (gag)
school dinners were ok, except the nazi dinner lady who made me wolf down a carton on jelly and then i proceeded to barf it all over her 2 seconds later.
still can not eat jelly or even look at it.

Original poster
foureleven · 15/04/2010 11:38

Really want to get chatting on this thread but work is soooo busy.

Just to say quickly you are right, Oenopod; he did say working ?parents? not mums. I was wrong to take that as ?mums?
However he was applying that it was because both parents were working that there were problems. However wrong it is, no one can argue that it is usually the mum who stays at home if either parent does. So that?s why I took it as ?mums?

Either way, both parents being at work doesn?t make any difference to a child?s well being and i?m sick of people blaming things like this on working parents.

OP posts:
PeedOffWithNits · 15/04/2010 11:38

fairy bread! LOL - I have heard it all now

i can remember my sis eating banana and sugar sandwiches, and last time the Dc went to sleepover at nannys she gave them chopped banana with milk and sugar on it for breakfast. they loved it but i was annoyed - whats wrong with a banana and a glass of milk - why the sugar!!

PeedOffWithNits · 15/04/2010 11:45

both parents being at home, eg if on benefits, and watching crap TV/eating crap food, is the last thing a child needs

i do think working mums cannot have it all. I know some who claim to need to work, to maintain their standard of living - but this invloves 2 take aways a week when therre is no time to cook, buying all washed prepared veg on the nights they cook "from scratch" (ho ho) and the kids regularly eating different food to them eg sausages and waffles (because its quick and easy in between work and cubs or whatever the kids have on)

i may get flamed but if she was at home and cooking proper family meals from scratch, their food bill would be dramatically reduced and they may find she did not in fact need to work - for a start they would not need her 2nd car either

but thats just my opinion qnd while i do sometimes raise my eyebrows at her prepared veg etc, i would never dream of trying to dictate how others should live

hazeyjane · 15/04/2010 11:48

ugh - faggots, I'd erased those from my memory.

I think jelly must have been seen as some sort of health food. My fil made a jelly for dd1 when we went to stay with him - she was 3 months old!

We used to have banana and sugar sandwiches in front of the Muppets - heaven. My nanna used to make us rum butter on toast (basically, butter, brown sugar and rum - yikes!)

ellesapelle · 15/04/2010 11:51

I watched the programme and was in tears at poor Leon. I was an obese child as well - not until I was in my teens - but I had a horrible time at school. My mum is extremely well educated with two Masters degrees and worked a very demanding job, but she didn't have a clue about healthy eating. We were fed pot noodles for lunch, microwave meals for dinner and a load of chocolate in between. I think there was an element of guilt about working so much and wanting to 'pay us off' with junk food. At 7 my brother was told he had the teeth of a 70 year old because he drank 6 cans of coke a day. I used to think this was what everyone did. Because I was so fat I didn't have a lot of friends to tell me otherwise.

It makes me absolutely furious that children are suffering like this and that it's preventable. Being an obese child is bloody miserable. I still have confidence issues now I'm in my early 20s and have spent a fortune on therapy. As a grown woman, I weigh less than I did when I was 11 . I was pleased to see Lawrence (think that was his name) managing to eat better, and there were some encouraging signs from Leon.

Oenopod · 15/04/2010 11:56

We used to have sugar sandwiches when our mum wasn't looking.... and shreddie sandwiches, shreddies stuck together with butter, piled as high as you could get your mouth around!

foureleven - I should be working too! I agree, both parents working does not inevitably lead to the well-being of children suffering. But, there will always be some families who struggle to make it work, just as some other families will struggle when one parent stays at home (financially, or because the SAHP resents it). It is how the individual family copes with their own situation that is important.

If, by both parents working, the children are stuck in front of the telly all day, then there will be consequences to that. Equally, if both parents are sitting on their arses at home and the children are doing the same, what's the difference?

It is not a case of 'both working=bad', 'SAHP=good'. Or vice versa. It is good vs bad parenting full-stop.

shockers · 15/04/2010 12:18

Well said!

multimummy · 15/04/2010 12:20

In response to the suggestion that hv's should educate on healthy eating when they do checks. . I have not seen a health visitor in a year now. . Since dc's 1y check at 10 months.
Thankfully my dc enjoys a good diet. Drinks only water from a beaker and knows what a toothbrush is! There are loads of parents that are not so educated on health matters and hv's are not doing so many checks as they used to, so info is not getting to the people who need it!

Ivykaty44 · 15/04/2010 12:20

i work and am a single parent, I still cook dinner every night and make healthy packed lunches with three fruit in so at least they are getting three fruit at lunch three vegtsbles at dinner, niether child is overweight and neither have any fillings in their teeth

sorry but working is a red herring, it is weather the parents understand about foods, not weather they work, it is about whther they know that feeding foods that are healthy and the correct portion size will make their child healthy. it is also about not giving sugar in bottles - ever

the chap on the telly spoke a lot about wasting money, well if parent don't work then there will be even more wasted money on benifits, did either of the teeth extraction mums have husbands? or work?

minipie · 15/04/2010 12:24

agree, working is totally a red herring.

it's about parents knowing what is healthy and having the balls to say no to their kids when they ask for it

end of

minipie · 15/04/2010 12:25

oops, that should have said when they ask for unhealthy food obviously

so not quite end of.

sarah293 · 15/04/2010 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Oenopod · 15/04/2010 12:48

PeedOff - I can see the contradiction of your friend's situation. But do you not see yours?

You didn't once mention that maybe her DH/DP could take up the slack on the days she is busy - why do you judge her without considering her DH/DP's contribution to family life? That's a case where the family is maybe not coping with the situation as well as they might, but I don't see it as damaging to the well-being of the children, they get fed. And so what if the veg is ready-prepared? Do you not use anything processed? Do you make all your own ketchup, jam, chutney, bread?

MillyMollyMoo · 15/04/2010 13:17

PE in state schools is a bloody joke and needs addressing.
We ate rubbish as kids, pot noddles, crispy pancakes the lot but we also did run our socks off at playtime and 3 sessions of active PE on the timetable.
My daughters have visibly slimed down in the past 9 months out playing football, crosscountry and hockey in primary school, all weathers, no excuses.
At state school they did an hour of line dancing a week for a whole year as their only PE lesson.
Some children were volunteering or picked for extra tennis, cross country, football teams but too many were left sitting out.

MintHumbug · 15/04/2010 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kneazle · 15/04/2010 13:37

Milly not all state schools are the same. My dd is in football club for an hour a week running club an hour a week does swimming once a week in school as well as other sport.