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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that you can't actually compare early weaning and child abuse?!

61 replies

SirBoobAlot · 14/04/2010 20:14

Am really angry about this

I received an email from a "friend" earlier - she doesn't have children but is a nanny, and since I have had DS she has been trying to tell me how to parent (which is another thread!).

Earlier I logged on to find this:

Hey SirBoobAlot, how are you doing? How is DS?

Look, I will come straight to the point, I saw your status the other day about introducing second meal of the day, and it really concerned me. You do know that's not right don't you? The damage you are doing his insides, you might as well just be hitting him. I really think you need to stop this. He is not six months yet. Please get in touch if you want any advice, just stop feeding him. He's not ready.

Love, XXX.

I mean, WTF?! Firstly, DS is 5 months, and I was advised to wean early by HV as he was waking up every hour again for food.

Secondly, how can anyone think it is an acceptable comparison between weaning a few weeks early and hitting a child? I was absolutely gobsmacked to read this. She has always been a little high and mighty since she qualified, but has generally been a good friend.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 14/04/2010 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wukter · 14/04/2010 20:35

"you might as well be hitting him"

You might as well be hitting her.

Not that I condone violence in any situation.

shesdrivingmecrazy · 14/04/2010 20:37

I got a really patronising email of someone I haven't seen for years warning me not to say certain things about work on facebook.

I just replied to her email avoiding any mention of her warning as I thought that was the politest way of telling her to butt out.

But she isn't a 'friend' and a friend I think I would tell to FRO.

Rosieeo · 14/04/2010 20:39

LOL, what a nutter! I love the 'I'm sure you'll understand when you have children response'.

lucky1979 · 14/04/2010 20:41

I went on to a weaning class today put on by our health visitor, and she was very clear that as long as you get them past 17 weeks, and they seem genuinely ready for it then you can start weaning. Her take was in a ideal world it would be 6 months, but no one has a textbook baby so we just use our common sense.

Tell your friend that you'll stick with advice from professionals thanks.

IveStillGotIt · 14/04/2010 20:43

You, and only you knows whats right for your ds.
When my ds was a baby, the best bit of advice i got was 'dont follow the baby books to the letter', and my mother told me "hv's speak aload of crap"! And she was right!
Back then, 10y, the advice on weaning was 16 weeks, but when i was a baby, it was 12 weeks. When ds was 9-10 weeks, he wouldnt be full after an 8oz bottle! We put him on 'hungry baby' fm, and he was still hungry! Therefor, when he was 12 weeks, i decided to try out baby rice, starting at 1 lot at lunchtime, then breakfast, then tea. By 14 weeks he was wolving down full jars of baby food at every meal! When he was 16 weeks (the 'proper age' back then) he was eating the same as us, but blended.
My hv was horrified when she found out, but i just continued. My sons still here, he's healthy!

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 14/04/2010 20:45

The guidelines are neither here nor there - she shouldn't be interfering in your parenting like that, end of story. You are NOT abusing your child, if you were then fair enough, someone should intervene, but you're not. Either ignore her, or draft a beautifully cutting email in response.

Besides, the advice talks about reading the signs that they're ready, i.e. sitting up, able to grasp food, reaching out for it, etc as being more important than age.

BertieBotts · 14/04/2010 20:51

If you're doing BLW it's different anyway - send her a link to the BLW site and say "Thanks for your concern, but I've done my research, and in future, DON'T BE SUCH A NOB, ta, SirBoobAlot x"

ilovemydogandmrobama · 14/04/2010 20:51

Didn't the guidelines change from 4 months (20 weeks) to 6 months (24 weeks) as some babies didn't have a developed gut, but some did, so the idea being that 6 months would ensure that all would have mature guts?

Just remove her from your friends list

kitkatsforbreakfast · 14/04/2010 20:54

YANBU (goes without saying)

and regardless of the guidelines on weaning, her comments and in particular the analogy was bang out of order.

dorisbonkers · 14/04/2010 21:01

She's being unreasonable for interfering and also for comparing it to child abuse.

You are being unreasonable for posting your weaning status on facebook

soapboxqueen · 14/04/2010 21:06

It is my understanding, but please feel free to disagree, that the 6 months guidline is a quasi-political thing. The WHO say sixth months for weaning because they want everyone to bf for the first six months. They say sixth months bf, even though many people around the world bf for much longer, because they are worried about children getting diseases though water and contaminated foods in developing countries. All of our NHS guidlines are based on WHO guidlines.

I say this because this 'friend' obviously thinks that what she knows is a hard and fast rule when in reality it has been derived from various sources to try to be the best advice for the whole planet. Either way it's still no one else's business.

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2010 21:13

phew
thought this was about me!
but it's not
i was on a thread asking where parenting choices become abuse and used weaning as an example. You'll be pleased and relieved no doubt that i concluded that weaning at 16/17 weeks was not abusive (although i don't personally agree with it). so you'll sleep well tonight knowing i am not doing cats bum mouth at the other side of the screen

Mooncupflowethover · 14/04/2010 21:28

YANBU. Of course you can't compare early weaning with child abuse, that's just daft.

Maybe she has taken the 'don't wean 'til 6 months' rule a little too much to heart.

What she said was alarmist and badly worded, but she may genuinely believe that your LO will come to harm, some people do.

I would simply say to her that you weaned early on the advice of you HV, and that she really doesn't need to worry.

She may well have had the best of intentions, just a little misguided.

pigletmania · 14/04/2010 21:34

I am what planet is this woman on, i would de friend her on FB and tell her to mind her own fecking business and that she will understand when she has her own, until then she can keep her mouth shut. I bet she is one of those interferring people who comment on peoples parenting when out in public.

bagelmonster · 14/04/2010 21:35

What a load of crap! I startd feeding my daughter at 4 months, she was a big baby and hungry and absolutely thrived on it, is now 6 years old and very healthy! Tell her to mind her own business ffs!!!!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 14/04/2010 21:36

Tell her to mind her own business!!! Weaning has certainly changed over the years - my DS had his first solids at about 14 weeks....

Minshu · 14/04/2010 21:40

I was going to say what soapboxqueen said. Went on a weaning course and the nutritionist said that the WHO guidelines were 6 months to protect from diseases in parts of the world with less good sanitation. Otherwise, check for the baby's readiness - steady head, grabbing for food, not pushing food out with tongue, etc.

The "friend" is barking - I've had friends without kids trying to give advice (sleep when they sleep - as if!!!) that I could smile and nod to, but comparing feeding a hungry child to child abuse is totally unacceptable and she should go on the naughty step.

canvasdomain · 14/04/2010 21:45

what a horrid woman, and to compare "early"(in her opinion) weaning to hitting your child is absoultly crazy (shock)

Just wait til she has kids of her own and you can make her eat her words

Both my kids had to be weaned "early" at 15 weeks as they were starving waking up and constantley feeding and milk was just not hitting the spot and they are both happy and very healthy at 4 and 2

www.canvasdomain.co.uk

DilysPrice · 14/04/2010 21:51

I also suspect that what's appropriate for a baby with a borderline malnourished mother in the developing world with no source of sterilisation is not necessarily obligatory for a chubby comfortably nourished UK baby with a hyper-clean kitchen and Annabel Karmel's cookbook at his disposal.

FWIW I was allegedly weaned at 3 days and seem to have survived, though I wouldn't recommend it to all babies.

shesdrivingmecrazy · 14/04/2010 21:52

Hey canvas, subtle plug you've got there!!

MPuppykin · 14/04/2010 21:56

Oh I do love the 'when you have children yourself you will understand'. About the only time when that response to anything would be perfect!

I would be SO angry if I got an e-mail like that.

YANBU.

Comparing it with hitting? FFS

j0807bump · 14/04/2010 22:17

YANBU agree with all other MOTHERS and not your friend. just because she's got a certificate does not mean squat and soon enough from feeding to tantrums all kids are different

i would give her a stark butt out now warning as she gains more 'experience' she is only likely to give you more parenting advice...

MintHumbug · 14/04/2010 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplewednesday · 14/04/2010 22:38

I can't believe that a "professional" would have the ill grace to a. contact you via email over something you wrote on fb without finding out more information, and b. say that anyway. All babies are individuals and you have made absolutely the right decision for your babe. I particular I agree with the comments by soapboxqueen and Dilysprice.

My DD2 is 5 months and i have today started weaning following a discussion with the hv as she is clearly hungry. (DD2 that is, not the hv...).

Makes you wonder about the quality of the tuition that nannies get dosen't it?