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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at no RVSPs from some nursery parents for DS's party??

45 replies

PussinJimmyChoos · 14/04/2010 20:01

Sent the invites out a few weeks ago with an RVSP by date. Had replies from some of the parents but not all of them..the RSVP date gets closer...I ask the nursery if they can remind them about the invite as I know sometimes it can get lost in the bags etc...and they still haven't RVSP'd. I'm not expecting everyone to be able to make it, but its a softplay party and we have to pay per head and give the numbers to them before the party etc!

So, their kids names will not be on the party list and if they reply late or turn up on the day, they can fark off!

Grrr!!!

OP posts:
SalFresco · 14/04/2010 20:12

Irritating, but I wouldn't assume no RSVP means they are not coming!

fridayschild · 14/04/2010 20:19

People don't reply. It's rude but they don't.

For DS1's party in reception I said on the invite to rsvp by a certain date, and the day after rang round the class list to "check that your LO had given you the invite". I got a better reply rate in year 1!

Another Mnetter writes on her invites "RSVP if you want a party bag" She says this works as soon as your guests can read! .

I realise neither of these are much use to you as they won't read, and if it's a private nursery you may not have a list of all parents' contact details.

Original poster
PussinJimmyChoos · 14/04/2010 20:36

Sal - we have to pay per head and then give the names to the soft play place so they can ensure all children are signed in/signed out...if they turn up after not RSVP'ing then I'm not sure they will get in iyswim?

OP posts:
glastocat · 14/04/2010 20:46

Normally I would say YANBU, as I always RSVP. However on Monday I found an invite in my kids bag for a party before the Easter holidays. .Not so strangely, it was a birthday party for the class bully, and my kid wasn't the only one to make the same 'mistake'. Not that I'm saying this is your situation ( god no), but it is a mistake that can be easily made.

thefinerthingsinlife · 14/04/2010 20:48

I had dd birthday party sunday and I had a few who didnt RSVP.

I also had one who didn't RSVP and who turned up on the day

Cretaceous · 14/04/2010 20:50

I've also had a non-replier who turned up on the day. I'd re-allocated her place to someone's older sibling. Managed to squeeze her in, and I bit my tongue, as it wasn't the child's fault. Grrr!

Original poster
PussinJimmyChoos · 14/04/2010 20:50

Finer - how did you deal with that? I mean right now I'm all grouchy and right, they can fark off if they turn up but on the day I'll probably be simpering and all nice

OP posts:
Cretaceous · 14/04/2010 20:53

PussinJummyChoos - I didn't even mention it to the parents - I just simpered...

kitkatsforbreakfast · 14/04/2010 20:57

Over the years I've learned that non-RSVPers are most definitely not refusing the invitation. In fact, in my ds's previous school, the only RSVPs you got were from people who couldn't come. You assumed everyone else could.

It used to really annoy me, too, but many many parties down the line I just take it in my stride, guess at numbers, maybe make an extra party bag, and warn my dc that they may not get a party bag if everyone turns up that we didn't know about.

You have to be a bit laid back about this issue, however rude it is, because you are not going to change it, and if your dc is still at nursery you have many years of stress ahead if you don't relax a bit.

thefinerthingsinlife · 14/04/2010 20:58

Not alot I could do on the day, I wasn't best pleased though, i had to send my sister to cobble together a party bag ect.

Luckily I didnt have to give venue exact numbers as i did the catering myself.

I must say i was tempted to tell the boy and his dad to fark off

Portofino · 14/04/2010 20:59

Do you give a mobile number and make it easy for them?

thefinerthingsinlife · 14/04/2010 21:02

I will only ever put a mobile number on, as I know people dont like phoning landlines.

rockinhippy · 14/04/2010 21:05

YANBU....but sadly, if you are going to do parties for DC, you will have to get used to it, it used to really pee me off at that age too, but a few years down the line I expect it now....sadly its the norm these days , but you will find as they get older, the Kids themselves usually let you or DC know, so it does get a bit easier

& I'm afraid like someone above, I too was guilty of ignoring a bowling invite, that no doubt worked like you party....DD had put it into her School drawer, & forgot all about it until a month after the party, so I knew nothing about it until way too late ...the girl wasn't in DDs class, & she was the only one of her class mates invited too , so I had no way of knowing, so it can happen for genuine reasons, but I think a lot of parents just wait until the last minute incase they have something else on...rude I know........but you will find a lot will still turn up.

Original poster
PussinJimmyChoos · 14/04/2010 21:31

Yes I put a mobile no down..

Thing is, its £10 per child so I don't want to allow for extras iyswim? I wouldn't bat an eye lid if it was a party at home but this is a bit different

OP posts:
coolma · 14/04/2010 21:33

Oh this pissed me off HUGELY lastyear for dd's birthday. I had it at the gym and we had to have a minimum of 10 - only two turned up, having replied, no other sod bothered, depsite my leaving them polite notes at nursery up till the day. Rude fuckers.

Original poster
PussinJimmyChoos · 14/04/2010 21:50

Oh gawd...this is a potential minefield!

DS starts school in Sept and as far as I know, I won't have anything to do with the parents then...not that I have much to do with them now anyway so maybe I can get away with being rude if anyone turns up after not RSVP'ing

OP posts:
PiratePrincess · 14/04/2010 22:09

Now you see, I would assume no reply is no attendance - it only takes a moment to text.

I have had replies for DS1's party from everyone but one person (but luckily we're seeing them this weekend at another party so I will ask the parents then).

Lol at the RSVP for a party bag but ultimately I agree with coolma's last 2 words .

outnumbered2to1 · 14/04/2010 22:16

my DS1 had his 6th birthday party yesterday out of the 22 classmates who RSVP'd (once i had spent the last 3 days of school before the easter holidays chasing parents over the playground at 3pm), only 12 turned up.

Was very on DS1's behalf but he didn't seem all that bothered and the kids loved getting 2 goody bags instead of 1 at the end of the party....

rockinhippy · 15/04/2010 07:14

I've had it the opposite, where only got a handful of replies, & then the whole class bar 2 did turn up.........mind you, it was a hall situation, & as DD is now 7, I learned a long while ago not to do individual "happy meal" type boxes, or goody bags........I now do 2 buffets, 1 low one for kids, with a taller 1 for adults, & a giant well filled pinata, & give each of the kids a party bag, & they can then fill there own from the pinata, so doesn't really matter how many turned up...or don't

In your situation though, I would send out a printed slip, insisting on replies by X date, explaining the Venue insist on numbers & as its pay per head, therefore, you are sorry, but you will have to presume any who do not RSPV, aren't coming, so sadly the Venue will not allow entry on the day .......& stick to your Guns

gingernutlover · 15/04/2010 08:05

this happened to me last year, even my closest friend didnt bother replying, although she every intention of bringing her dd.

It is bloody rude and a symptom of the fact that so many people only ever think about themselves.

As for the people at nursery either send a note requesting rsvp's or stick up a notice if nursery will let you. Something aong the lines of "if you want to come please RSVP. No rsvp = no entry/no food/no party bag (delete as appropriate)

I got the distinct feeling that many parents were waiting until the last minute incase some thing came up they actually wanted to do and if it didnt then they'd come to a kids party. Very very rude.

Original poster
PussinJimmyChoos · 15/04/2010 08:17

Well I asked the nursery staff to remind the parents that hadn't replied... not sure if they have done that or not but I am not going to chase any further.

I cannot be arsed and it only takes two minutes to text and say yes or no..if they don't want their child entertained for free for two hours of a Saturday morning then tough shite!

I will be firm...no RSVP, no entry...

OP posts:
THK · 15/04/2010 08:20

Horrid situation that seems to happen to most.
Had same situation and finally plucked enough courage to call the parents and be upbeat instead of mad. Just kept thinking of
how disappointed DD would be if X didnt show and she was expecting her/them.( rather than feeling I was grovelling)
Found this the only way to get a definate yes or no -emails can be ignored.

My exp is those parents that dont respond are the ones chasing you weeks in advance of their own parties.

SleepingLion · 15/04/2010 08:27

It's a nightmare, isn't it? I always reply to invitations DS gets - it seems so rude not to! - but his last birthday was really tricky because we had to send not only numbers but names, laser quest names and individual food orders to the venue before the party. Getting a 'yes' or 'no' response was hard enough, never mind all that!

And one girl didn't turn up on the day, having accepted the invitation, because her parents forgot... Well, that cost me £10. I know these things happen, but parties are a minefield.

mumonthenet · 15/04/2010 08:29

rockinhippy's is a good idea...

send out a simperingly nice printed slip reminding those who haven't rsvp'd that there's a limit on numbers....tis a painless way of making the lazy parents cringe and of alerting those whose invite is still in the child's bag.

In my experience the non-rsvp-ers were not usually coming, but there was always one who did...and who brought an older sibling! Arrgh.

dilbertina · 15/04/2010 08:43

So you put a date to RSVP by, and it's not that date yet? I would assume that was the date I should RSVP by, and wouldn't feel guilty about leaving it until that date to do so.... Obviously if people haven't RSVP by that date you can rightly be annoyed but aren't you being a bit premature? Maybe next time leave a bit of time between RSVP by date and when you need to confirm numbers so you can chase the stragglers...(and yes I know there shouldn't be stragglers but there always will be!)

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