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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at no RVSPs from some nursery parents for DS's party??

45 replies

PussinJimmyChoos · 14/04/2010 20:01

Sent the invites out a few weeks ago with an RVSP by date. Had replies from some of the parents but not all of them..the RSVP date gets closer...I ask the nursery if they can remind them about the invite as I know sometimes it can get lost in the bags etc...and they still haven't RVSP'd. I'm not expecting everyone to be able to make it, but its a softplay party and we have to pay per head and give the numbers to them before the party etc!

So, their kids names will not be on the party list and if they reply late or turn up on the day, they can fark off!

Grrr!!!

OP posts:

PeedOffWithNits · 15/04/2010 08:45

why and when did become so rude about this sort of thing though?

Not just party replies, but we have sent people wedding and christening presents when we have been unable to attend and never received a thank you.

Have had non repliers turn up to party bold as brass, have had guests whose parent assured me they were coming less than 24 hours before the party then they dont turn up. yes i know kids get ill and emergencies crop up but then no sorry/explanation at school on the monday. grrr! peoples rudeness thesedays!

worst was a reply saying X & Y cant come shoved through our door 2hours before the party (just as we were leaving for village hall to set up). yes, I had assumed they were not coming, but even ruder was the idea they may have replied yes please, at that last minute - thankfully it was a nice day so they obviously decided they had other things to do. Did not invite them again!

Numberfour · 15/04/2010 08:49

not read the whole post, but i do like the "RSVP if you want a party bag"! (as much as I loathe the bloody things!)

frasersmummy · 15/04/2010 08:53

yanbu.. ds was 5 last week and I sent 23 invites

With a week to go I had 8 replies.. I sent second notes out .. very short and to the point.. Mummy is going to buy food and party bags in the next few days. please let her know if you are coming or not

I got another 12 replies that night !!!

I cant understand parents who dont reply

I know we are all busy but how hard is it to text a yes we will come reply

Bluesunday · 15/04/2010 12:34

YANBU - at my DS's birthday party we invited around 50 children and got 25 RSVPs so I did food and party bags for 30... then about 60 kids turned up, including some uninvited brothers and sisters. My sil had to run out for more food, very annoying. I just put on a smile and had a two hour rant at DP in private afterwards.

Miggsie · 15/04/2010 12:36

It's the ones who rsvp the day before the party that annoy me.
Luckily I had bought enough party bags but that is taking the piss really.

Miggsie · 15/04/2010 12:37

These days I assume that unless the parent explicitly says their child cannot come, then they will turn up

RiverOfSleep · 15/04/2010 12:42

A soft play centre is not going to mind if some extra children turn up as long as you pay for them and you don't go above the total number they can fit in the eating bit.

I wouldn't bother getting stressed about it. Numbers always vary a little bit - someone's ill, someone has to bring a sibling unexpectedly, its not a big deal.

PiratePrincess · 15/04/2010 20:24

River I agree about a soft play centre but my DS1's party is at Laserquest and costs £13 per head.

So I won't be accepting any siblings!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 15/04/2010 20:26

YANBU- seems this goes on a lot, though!

I've always replied. Thanks to threads like this, when dd2 came home from nursery today with an invite, I texted right away and put it on the calendar

PiratePrincess · 15/04/2010 21:10

jooly wish I'd invited your DD!

My halo is bright too

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 15/04/2010 21:36

I wouldn't have started an AIBU if RSVP hadn't gone past

DH is Arab and the hospitality and big catering has rubbed off on me so if party was in a hall, I'd be very much come one, come all but at £10 a head it could get pricey to just allow for extras...we are in a recession

OP posts:

Jackstini · 15/04/2010 22:19

YANBU but am not surprised.
An hour before dd's party last month I still had 13 that had not replied!
Good thing it was a bouncy castle in a hall job and not a per person thing as 10 more turned up that had not said if they were coming...
I would word the invitations specifically if it is a pay per person party - "please advise by x date if you can come as I have to confirm and pay for a specific number of places"
Loving Rockinhippy's 'fill your own party bags from pinata' thing though - I am definitely doing that next year!

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 22/05/2010 18:51

Ah ha!!!

As predicted by Mumsnet....the one parent that nagged me for a reply to her DS's party (even though had already RSVP'd!) and didn't RSVP to DS's...turned up...with a sibling in tow!

Her face was like thunder when she was told her precious DS was not on the list while I hid behind a menu and was hissing to my mother oooh shiiit....its happened...someone has turned up that didn't RSVP!

We said it was ok for her to come in and she said oh I told the nursery staff that he was coming and she started going on about how the nursery do the party lists and let them know who is coming etc....so I said well, its not the most reliable way of RSVP'ing and its not their job to sort party lists, its my job as his mum.

Then, despite venue having a cafe, she took the elder sibling up to the party room and she was looking on, looking really hungry so I felt really sorry for her and I said ther is enough food, please help yourself and er mum looked at me and said, aww she's hungry...ffs!!!!!

I wish I had been mega assertive and said look, the invite said RSVP by text, its not rocket science but I didn't I...just simpered in anally retentive so English and polite way!

Some parents are just twats! We need a mnet campaign for party manners...

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/05/2010 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

chipmonkey · 22/05/2010 19:17

This used to annoy me but by dc3, I have become used to it! One mother always brought the other sibling so I ended up factoring her in as I knew it was inevitable. The party venue people seemed used to it as well as they never batted an eyelid if I said "There will be between 8 and 14 children"
It is very rude.

autodidact · 22/05/2010 19:35

lol @the mum being presented with the bill sgm. Good for your friend.

Agree with kitkat re cultivating a laid back approach to RSVPing for the sake of sanity. We're an absent minded familiy and what with our kids forgetting to let us know that they have an invitation/losing the invitation with the number on/us forgetting to phone despite great intentions we have probably pissed off quite a few lovely party holders in our day, I'm afraid.

Bobbalina · 22/05/2010 19:44

I would advise ringing round the non responders, it's for them to be embarrassed not you

Original poster

PussinJimmyChoos · 22/05/2010 20:42

DH was laughing at me though as I was adamant no RSVP, no entry and I didn't stick to it and started simpering...

I am too polite!

OP posts:

dinkystinky · 22/05/2010 20:47

Only read OP. Had this too with DS1's 4th birthday - got all the missing replies, saying their kids were coming, on the day before the party. Was fine as had acted as if they were coming anyway but annoying they didnt rsvp on time.

Trikkitt · 20/04/2011 18:07

I run a Laser Tag venue myself, we currently send out party invites to the parent booking the party.

I've been thinking about ways we can make this easier for parents, perhaps with something online. I would welcome suggestions on how I could make this easier for our customers.

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