to expect to take my full entitlement on divorce?

[commeuneimage]

My husband thinks so and in a way he has a point. We were married over 20 years. Though we were still fond of each other it became like a brother/sister thing - no sex, separate interests... it broke down after he had an affair and we are divorcing.

In law I'm entitled to half of everything, no question. We have a fair bit to share out, more than either of us needs, due to my husband having worked hard and earned a lot during our marriage. I worked a bit, part-time, and brought up children and looked after the house. I was a good wife, but the wealth is all down to him.

Is it fair to take half in these circumstances? He will take it very hard if I do. But if I don't, I bet he'll remarry and the new wife will end up taking what should have been mine... I can't decide if morally I should settle for less or not.

I'd be interested in your views.

Actually the starting [point is 50/50 split and then things like children accomodation other assetts etc. get taken into account.
START WITH HALF THEN SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN

Mumsnet was such a help when I was dealing with the affair, and so is this. You're right, I absolutely am being a wet blanket. I shall stand up for myself and my children and stop being so humble.

His offer was not generous. In fact it was quite upsettingly mean. This also has made me resolve to toughen up.

Thanks everyone.

Please, please take half. My parents are separating after nearly 30 years, during which my dad progressed up the ranks in his career, & my mum took maternity breaks, stayed at home until my youngest brother was in primary school, worked part-time until he left for uni, looked after the house etc etc. I am DEMANDING that she takes half, especially with consideration to her future pension (miniscule). Please, please, take half. You deserve it.

Good for you, commeuneimage. The very fact that he's leaving you for another woman and yet has the gall to try and lowball you - well.

Are you going to see a solicitor now?

Ah men seem to turn into a special kind of arse when they leave and have an OW

I worked mostly FT, was the higher earner, supoorted all of us and his business which has now failed and I am paying ALL the debts, I support the DC, I have always done 99.9% of the childcare and housework despite working (with nursery,CM etc)....yet he still believes he is due half in fact more than half, and takes no responsibility for the debts or the DC, even though he has swanned off to his old job

I would go for half, at least!

I have been with DH for 15 years. I have given up job (ie financial independence, pension etc.) to go abroad with him, raise our children in (difficult) circumstances (living in third world countries, far away from family and friends, DH on business trips a lot) and I feel he would not have been able to get on in his career as much without my support. We chose this divison of labour (him career, me kids and home) together.

Like others say, it isn´t just the value of childcare. If we would have split work and care 50/50, he would be earning a lot less right now (and me a lot more). I have always seen the money he earns as OUR money.

Don´t fall for the bullsh*t semi-feminism of "not taking a penny and managing on your own". You are simply ENTITLED to half in your circumstances. You earned it too!!!

Hope you have a good lawyer. Let the lawyers deal with it, and don´t negotiate directly with your XDP.

Stay strong. It is yours BY LAW!

I am sorry to hear he has tried to take the mick! Given that development I would be exactly like you - if you are going to try and mess me about then I am going to have to play hardball...not that this is a game but the fact that he is trying it on displays such a complete lack of respect for you and your children. IMO that in itself deserves a rather firm response!!

Hi all,

I wonder if anyone can give me some advice on a solicitor who could assist me with sorting out finances for a possible divorce. It is a bit complicated as we have two children and we are both from different countries now living in the UK.

How much can one expect to pay and also - at this stage HB is of the impression that I need to take whatever I need for myself and the kids and he will take the rest.... so it could be fairly straight forward ( I probably think now)

I would appreciate any advice or recommendations!

50/50 split OP.

Don't let him take advantage of you. You earned it right there with him. This is 20 years.. you aren't some money grabber who leached on to the nearest wealthy old man with a heart condition.

And please again as has been said before. You can safe gaurd your children's inheritance this way. Even if you take half and then never touch it, whatever makes you feel better. You shoudl do this. If was a decent person he wouldn't be trying to guilt you this way.. HOw ridiculous btw considering he cheated and is now trying to make you feel that you aren't entitled. He should be ashamed of himself

If there were no kids I'd say it would be unreasonbale, BUT< the reason you did not earn as much as him is becasue he was getting, in effect, free childcare, and teh means to further his career.

You are entitled to half now, you put AT LEAST half the work into aqcuiring it all!

Posting on a old thread.

ALthough curious as to what happend to the OP....

OLD THREAD ALERT!

Hiya uk1

Might be better to start a new thread rather than tagging onto this old one, as lots of lazy MNers only read the OP and not subsequent posts!

Thanks ShirleyKnot! Good point - am new to this so will do so

Take half. You'll need it.

You said - 'He will take it very hard if I do' (take half).

Didn't you take it very hard that he had an affair and broke up the family?