Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not believe DP - about ANYTHING

29 replies

QueenofOlympia · 13/04/2010 11:34

DP has constantly lied to me since we got together. He's lied about his ex, his health and especially his finances.

He told me numerous lies about one debt in particular, over and over again "I SWEAR i'm telling the truth" - lie
"I swear - this time I'm telling the truth" - lie

"Ok. This time, I mean it - I swear to you, I'm telling the truth" - lie

The basics of it are he's supposed to be paying £25 a week on this debt now (after all the lies were exposed). I believed that he'd been paying it.
Then this morning we got a letter saying he's still in areas and it included a long list of recent payments ranging from £3 to £12.50. Not once as he paid £25 apart from one day he made two payments of £12.50. But most of the paymenst have been for £7.50 and they've been few and far between.

He doesn't know we have this letter yet. I'm torn between AGAIN giving him the benefit of the doubt and assume the credit company have printed it wrong (mug, I know) and just facing up to the fact that the bloke is a compulsive liar. I know when I confront him, he'll twist it, make himself sound very reasonable and I'll end up questioning my own behaviour. God its driving me feking INSANE.

OP posts:
SpicedGerkin · 13/04/2010 11:37

Why would you put up with this?

He is a liar, you know he is a liar, what is the obvious conclusion to all this?

CarGirl · 13/04/2010 11:37

Sounds like he's a compulsive liar, sorry.

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/04/2010 11:39

My friend was involved with a man like this. He conned her out of £30k and ruined her confidence and self esteem. They split up over five years and she hasn't been out with anyone since. I think you need to get shot of him, frankly. What is the money going on? What else is he lying about?

rubyslippers · 13/04/2010 11:40

you know he is a liar

is his non payment of the debt going to affect you in any way (ie put your home at risk?)

now, you have to decide what you are going to do

Macforme · 13/04/2010 11:41

You don't need anyone here to tell you the reality of it.. he's lying, he will continue to to lie, and if you are named on ANY of his finances you will be liable too, so please make sure you are not..and don't have any joint accounts!

Moros · 13/04/2010 11:42

YANBU to not believe anything he says. YABU to "give him the benefit of the doubt" yet again.

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who repeatedly lies to your face?

LittleMrsHappy · 13/04/2010 11:46

whats he doing with the money not spent? do you share finances.

He'd be out as far as I was concerned, do you want to live with a man who has obvious financial problems that hes not bothered to be responsible about? Do you have children together?

Original poster
QueenofOlympia · 13/04/2010 11:46

I really don't know. He could be lying about anything. I kept my guard up for a long time after I found out he'd lied about everything from hospital appointments to credit cards. He lies about stupid stuff though like what he's had for lunch at work etc. His dad is about to give him £400 to buy a new laptop and DP told me he was considering just taking the cash and spending the money, whilst telling his dad that he bought a great laptop. I just can't understand that level of dishonesty.

I knew very early on that he couldn't be trusted with money and I refused to get a joint bank account with him. He said he didn't mind. I suggested we both save individually in our own savings accounts. He agreed. This was over a year ago. He asked me a few weeks ago how much I'd saved and I told him "about £2k, how about you?" he said "about the same". Turns out he hadn't saved A PENNY!!! then during a drunken argument he shouted at me "the reason we never have any money is because YOU waste it all on stupid shit and horde it all" He keeps "suggesting" that we open a joint savings account with the money I saved - do I really come across as that bloody dim? The funny bit was when he turned around and said "actually, you're right about the joint savings, no offense but I wouldn't trust you with my money, I wouldn't trust anyone"

OP posts:
Reality · 13/04/2010 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SpicedGerkin · 13/04/2010 11:48

Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?

Do you have kids?

AnyFucker · 13/04/2010 11:51

get shut

Reality · 13/04/2010 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/04/2010 11:53

AF pleeeease could you comment on my thread in chat. I've just asked someone out...

AnyFucker · 13/04/2010 11:55

< heads to chat >

wait...is that the one where you confess to thinking about shagging and other dirty stuff, just 'cos the sun is shining ?

I don't wish to sully my eyes with such filth, thank you very much

< ahem >

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/04/2010 11:57

Yes . Bit too much for your delicate nature. Sorry

LunaticFringe · 13/04/2010 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LunaticFringe · 13/04/2010 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

3isthemagicnumber · 13/04/2010 12:13

So sorry if i have confused you with someone else, but didnt you previously say that he has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers?

Does this not add a different complection to his lying/lack of responsibility for his effect on others?and would need a different kind of support

sorry again if i am off track

ben10isgr8 · 13/04/2010 12:19

This situation sounds horrible for you but I have to agree with the other posters.....get rid!

You have already said he lies to you...and intends to lie to other family members...about everything. Your whole relationship sounds like it is spent with you chasing and catching his lies and him making up more. I would be exausted!

How can you form a trusting, loving relationship with him or make plans for a house/children etc when you will always have to police his spending and worry about his lies.

It must be like living with a grown up pre schooler.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 13/04/2010 12:22

If this happened within the first few weeks of the relationship would you stay?

WhoIsAsking · 13/04/2010 12:23

I knew this was boxroom before I even finished reading the post.

Look, Boxy, You are driving us all MAD with this.

He is horrible and you are miserable. At the risk of repeating myself and EVERYONE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE:

L E A V E H I M

You'll get bundles of support on here, but you can't go on doing this. It's weird.

hogshead · 13/04/2010 12:23

he sounds just like my ex - terrible with money and couldnt tell the truth if it bit him on the bum.

I found it very difficult to get rid of him, mainly because he was so manipulative that even though i knew i was in the right he would make me feel like i was always wrong. Even after i had kicked him out he was still getting credit on my address because i had kindly forwarded his post on to him - i found this out when i had a debt collector at the door because he had defaulted. I was also hassled on the phone by people demanding money from him.

Unfortunately for him by this time he had decided to move out from my house to (unbelievably!!!) the house directly opposite so i was able to kindly redirect the debt collector to the correct numbered house. (I think this was supposed to intimidate me in to having him back - it didnt work though)

He moved on when he didnt pay the rent there either and i havent seen or heard from him since.

GypsyMoth · 13/04/2010 12:32

Boxroom? Again!!

Angelcat666 · 13/04/2010 12:33

If he can lie to you about money, he can lie to you about anything. You can't trust him and a relationship is worth nothing without trust.

Miggsie · 13/04/2010 12:39

No matter how much you post on mumsnet about this bloke you are not going to get people saying how lovely it all is and how nice your bloke must be.

You need to face up to the reality of the situation and stop posting even more of his crapness and get on with leaving him and finding your self respect.

Swipe left for the next trending thread