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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to travel at Christmas

35 replies

clapyourhands · 12/04/2010 14:15

MIL would really like for us to spend Christmas with her at her home in Middle of Nowhere, USA. Due to lack of holiday time, we could only stay 4 days. DD will just have turned two. Travel time almost 24 hours each way. Cost is not a huge problem, but it's still a lot of money, and we are flying her out here to see DD for a few weeks in June anyway.

I think it's really unreasonable to expect us to travel all that way for a few days, especially at such a busy/stressful time of year, and with a young toddler. And what would a 2 year old make of Christmas anyway? I am assuming she will be too young for it to be special event for her to cherish when she is older. I am not fond of MIL (nor is DH, and there has been recent unpleasantness from MIL) but I'm trying not to let that get in the way of our decision. She is not likely to come here for Christmas, as it just wouldn't "be the same". Trouble is we will be moving further away from her next year (to OZ) making a Christmas trip even harder in the future.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SpicedGerkin · 12/04/2010 14:18

No YANBU

TanteRose · 12/04/2010 14:18

go - you will never make it over from Oz, so even if DD doesn't really remember it, there will be photos of her at Christmas with her American grandma, which she might well treasure when she is older....and however unpleasant your MIL is, she will also have the memories of her one and only Xmas with her granddaughter...

TanteRose · 12/04/2010 14:19

BTW, I live on the other side of the world from my parents, and they have had 2 Xmases with their grandchildren, who are now 12 and 11..

fallon8 · 12/04/2010 14:20

Its only April! No, you are quite right, stay at home. All that way, expense, hassle , time chnage etc etc for 4 days? I have 3 children, grown up..but I eventaully put my foot down with my parents, and said it was easier for them to come to me then me travel from Scotland to Dorset with 3 small children. Plus, we had school stuff, invitations here, tree et etc etc,No, start now and be firm.
They rarely came up, thank god.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 12/04/2010 14:20

With TanteRose on this one. If this is likely to be their only Christmas together, then I think you need to rethink it.

Laquitar · 12/04/2010 14:21

It is still April. Do you plan so much in advance in your family

GrimmaTheNome · 12/04/2010 14:23

YANBU. That's a ridiculous way to travel with a toddler for such a small time. Not long enough to get over jetlag for your DD, I'd have thought, so hardly likely to produce the happiest of memories.

And travel at Christmas is so often disrupted by bad weather, its a crap time to make a trip.

imaginewittynamehere · 12/04/2010 14:23

I'm guessing MIL would like to see her GD...

If cost is not such an issue & you have the time then go. At 2 a trip to the US will be a great adventre for your DD. Believe me Christmas will be exciting too - she might not understand exactly what is happening but decorations, prety lights, presents what's not to like when you are 2??

LillianGish · 12/04/2010 14:26

YABU to post a thread about Christmas travel arrangements in April!!!!!!!

chandellina · 12/04/2010 14:29

based on the info you have given and my own interpretation, i think maybe YABU. Do you really have just four days, or is that all you are willing to give up in favour of other, more desireable holidays this year? Is it really 24 hours travel, or are you exaggerating a bit? (unless you have a major layover and five hours' drive on each side, that sounds a lot to go from anywhere in the UK to anywhere in the US)

Two is not too young to have a fun xmas, and if it's Grandma's only chance, I think you should go for it.

Original poster
clapyourhands · 12/04/2010 14:31

Yes, I know it's only April, but we if we go we need to factor that into our budget, and plan for other events this year.

Just because we move to OZ doesn't mean we will never go there for Christmas. I just thought it might make more sense to do it when DD is a little older and we can go for longer. DH doesn't get a lot of annual leav and it's almost accounted for this year.

Thanks for all your comments. Perhaps some straight talking with MIL will help.

OP posts:
Original poster
clapyourhands · 12/04/2010 14:34

21 hours travel time, plus 2 hours to get to the airport from where we live, plus 2 hours to be there before the flight ... makes 25 hours actually. And yes, we only have 4 days.

OP posts:
Rockbird · 12/04/2010 14:34

I would tell her if she wants to see you at Christmas you'll be at home waiting to welcome her. Sounds like there is no reason she can't travel, just that she doesn't want to. I would hate to travel that far and long with DD at the moment.

fruitful · 12/04/2010 14:43

Why can't MIL come to you?

Your dd will be old enough to enjoy Christmas, but she'd probably enjoy it more if she wasn't jetlagged. 24mo is too young to find the travelling part fun, not for that length of time. And she won't remember any of it.

ifancyashandy · 12/04/2010 14:43

How is it 21 hours travel time? Flights from the UK to West Coast of the states are around 8 to 9 hours...where are you flying to?

Rockbird · 12/04/2010 14:45

OP did say it was the arse end of nowhere. That suggests a long and boring drive to me... Wouldn't fancy that.

Blu · 12/04/2010 14:48

I wouldn't. Go, that is.

It's understandable that MIL would love to host her GD for Christmas but then it sounds as if the relationship is not one which will ever be frequent or close, so limiting visits to 4 days may be just right. Especially if she doesn't live somewhere you would like to spend hol time. Maybe when you can spend a few days with her then travel elsewhere? And to commit to that for the following Christmas when you have been able to plan the whole year's holiday around it?

Kathyjelly · 12/04/2010 14:48

For only four days, no I wouldn't. I did a two day trip to Texas on business a few months ago and the mucking around with time zones was awful. It took a week to get over. With a toddler in tow, and having to cope with a stressful family get together where you can't retreat to your room, I don't think any of you will enjoy it. Even your MIL.

Original poster
clapyourhands · 12/04/2010 14:48

Not to the west coast, and there are 3 hops involved.

OP posts:
Ivykaty44 · 12/04/2010 14:49

do dc get jet lag? I know mine where 3 and 9 when we travelled long haul and I was really pissed off that they never got jet lag either way... and I suffered, oh suffeered

imaginewittynamehere · 12/04/2010 14:53

I don't quite understand the lack of holiday time when you are planning this far out?

Why not compromise & use some days to go & see her at a different time of year - thanksgiving maybe? IMHO if you live far away from your family you have to compromise & use some of your holiday to visit them with.

Has she been to visit you?

EveWasFramed · 12/04/2010 14:56

YADNBU!!! I am American, DH is British. When we got married, we decided that no matter where in the world we were living, travelling at Christmas for us, was never an option. We lived in China at the time. Now that we live in England, the same rule applies. We go to the US for three weeks in the summer, when the temp is MUCH warmer than in the UK, and we invite family at Christmas. My parents have been over for Christmas, and it was lovely. I know it's hard to be a multi national family, but to make it work, you have to find ways to honor your own family traditions, while keeping sane during holidays. Prices at Christmas will be ridiculous...you never know what the weather will do, so the potential for getting stuck is there...it's a big pain to travel with a two year old!
Can you do a summer trip that could last longer? I absolutely love that we are in our own home for the holidays, and even though I desperately miss my extended family, my little family has priority!

Hope that helps...good luck!

Original poster
clapyourhands · 12/04/2010 15:02

We are bringing her here for 2 weeks in June. DH will take time off. Family wedding in Sept. And yes, we are selfishly setting aside 5 days for travel for the 3 of us. The desire for us to travel and explore Europe is the primary reason for us living here, so if we don't even get to do that ....

Unreasonable?

OP posts:
Rockbird · 12/04/2010 15:03

No not at all. Your leave, your choice.

Original poster
clapyourhands · 12/04/2010 15:04

Thanks Eve. Still torn, and feeling selfish though.

OP posts:
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