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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to travel at Christmas

35 replies

clapyourhands · 12/04/2010 14:15

MIL would really like for us to spend Christmas with her at her home in Middle of Nowhere, USA. Due to lack of holiday time, we could only stay 4 days. DD will just have turned two. Travel time almost 24 hours each way. Cost is not a huge problem, but it's still a lot of money, and we are flying her out here to see DD for a few weeks in June anyway.

I think it's really unreasonable to expect us to travel all that way for a few days, especially at such a busy/stressful time of year, and with a young toddler. And what would a 2 year old make of Christmas anyway? I am assuming she will be too young for it to be special event for her to cherish when she is older. I am not fond of MIL (nor is DH, and there has been recent unpleasantness from MIL) but I'm trying not to let that get in the way of our decision. She is not likely to come here for Christmas, as it just wouldn't "be the same". Trouble is we will be moving further away from her next year (to OZ) making a Christmas trip even harder in the future.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Whoamireally · 12/04/2010 15:04

If it's money that's the issue why not just pay for her to come over? Again? Will be a bloody sight cheaper. Tell her you are moving and need to save pennies but you'd really like to spend Christmas with her and why doesn't she come to you and you'll help her out with the cost.

Echo the opinions about spending Christmas together while you can. regardless of whether you get on the rest of the year ;-)

Blu · 12/04/2010 15:08

Completely reasonable - if you have MIL over for 2 weeks in the summer that's a HUGE chunk of your available hol time. Will she be at the family wedding?

I would not want to embark on a return journey of 3 flights within 4 days for a trip anywhere.

Blu · 12/04/2010 15:13

Being an international family is like this. There is no real way around it. Hard choices, sacrifices and compromises have to be made. You think you will all travel back and forth, but the reality is...you don't. DP sees his parents once every 3 years, on average. They have never been with DS at Christmas or on a b'day. It's sad, but there really is a differnce between 'holiday' and 'family visit'. We will be using our holiday f family visit this summer. It's to a fantastic hol place, but we still really feel the loss of actual holiday time, or time at home with no obligations or responsibilities.

Original poster

clapyourhands · 12/04/2010 15:25

Thanks everyone. Better go get DD up from her nap now.

OP posts:

TarheelMama · 12/04/2010 19:20

I wouldn't go if I were you.

One of my oldest and closest friends got married in middle of nowhere Wyoming and it was going to take us 24 hours of travel time (from the UK) to get there, plus it was over £2K for the two of us to fly and we also only had 4 days to get out there and back. I decided that no matter how much I loved my friend, it wasn't worth it.

I can totally see where you are coming from and don't think you should feel guilty.

Rosa · 12/04/2010 19:31

OH no and if last Christmas weather was anything to go by don't risk it ...We ended up leaving 48 hrs later than first planned.
I go with the offer to fly her over .

moondog · 12/04/2010 19:37

Jesus, don't go.It will be sheer hell and you will be so stressed.
She should be coming to you-easier for one to travel than a family.If money an issue for her but not you, offer to pay towards a trip.

Do not go.
You will fel so resentful.

RunawayWife · 12/04/2010 19:50

Congratulations on the first Christmas thread of 2010

YANBU do not go.

kickassangel · 12/04/2010 20:01

can you go over in early 2011? do a delayed christmas? cheaper, and will your dh have gone into the next year of holiday leave?

OR your dh doesn't take off the whole time that she's over in the summer, giving you a bit more time to do the trip.

we're a uk family living in the Us, with a MIL who refuses to travel & constantly bemoans (with tears & the sad but brave quavering voice) that she doesn't ever get to see us, so I feel your pain.

Sadly, i really don't know if YABU or not - it's a tough decision.

WebDude · 12/04/2010 21:11

Maybe you can visit on your way to Oz (OK, probably an awkward stop-over if she's somewhere really rural) but it would mean that before you go to Oz, you have made the effort.

Christmas can be about the worst time for travel and what seems fine to her really doesn't seem so easy when it means 3 visiting that end rather than her coming to you (if there was some way to postpone the June visit, IYSWIM, by 6 months).

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