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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with my parents

64 replies

missboots · 12/04/2010 09:18

My first baby due in 2 weeks but we have been on standby for several weeks for an early arrival so I have been taking it easy at home keeping the baby cooking. My parents have asked to come and stay tonight because of an important medical appointment for my dad tomorrow morning at 11am and they?re worried about being late if they have to come from their home because of problems on the M4. We live on the other side of London from the appointment so it?s not necessarily better to be at our flat than at their house tonight. It would only take them an hour and a half, maybe 2 hours to get to the appointment from their home.

Additionally, our spare room has sort of been turned into the nursery , although we do still have a double bed in there, and I have previously said to my mum that it is no longer a guest room ? it?s the baby?s room. So while they can of course stay, it is a little unsettling to have them here. The flat is tiny and we never get much sleep when they?re here.

My DH is incredibly stressed at work at the moment and is furious that I didn?t tell them that it was inconsiderate of them to ask and that the answer was no. My problem is that I never tell them how I feel and he feels (and I suppose I do to a certain extent) that they walk all over me.

It?s not convenient for them to stay, I should have told them so, but I didn?t and now we?re both in a tizzy, worried that the baby could come at any minute. The last thing I want is for things to kick off tonight and then have to endure early labour at home with my parents hanging around waiting for their appointment. If it wasn?t for the fact that the appointment is something which my parents must be very worried about I would call them up and say they can?t come, but I don?t want to upset them.

So long story short ? I think they have been inconsiderate to ask to come and stay with us when DH is so busy at work and I?m days away from giving birth. AIBU?

OP posts:
LittleMissNorty · 12/04/2010 09:21

Are you not worried about your dad and his appointment?

LilRedWG · 12/04/2010 09:23

Can I be brutal? I think you are being unreasonable.

I know it is a stressful time for you and your DH BUT it is only one night and they are your parents.

Maybe they didn't think it through it brilliantly but you have said it is okay so you now have to suck it up.

Sorry.

HumphreyCobbler · 12/04/2010 09:23

I would worry about experiencing early labour in a tiny flat with my parents too. Can't you say that they must go home if you go into Labour?

LilRedWG · 12/04/2010 09:24

Also - you have not mentioned your stress over your Dad's appointment. It sounds as though it is something serious - maybe they need to be around you the night before for some family time.

MummyDoIt · 12/04/2010 09:26

I think your parents must be very, very anxious about the medical appointment to have asked to stay with you. To be absolutely frank, I'd be a hell of a lot more concerned about my Dad's health than the fact that someone wanted to sleep in the baby's nursery for one night. Sorry if that comes across as harsh but you don't seem too concerned about your Dad's health or how stressed out your parents must be. It's one night. Be supportive for them.

LadyBiscuit · 12/04/2010 09:26

Why do you think you're going to go into labour early? I think you're being a bit mean - if there's a double bed in your spare room then there is room for them to stay. And the baby isn't actually here (and won't sleep in the nursery anyway at first I expect).

I don't understand why you're getting so stressed about it if I'm honest. Is there something more to it?

PortBlacksandDweller · 12/04/2010 09:26

Oh Dear....

My gut feeling here is that things will only get worse once you have the baby if you keep this attitude up. Using the turn of phrase 'keep the baby cooking' and you have two weeks to go... makes me think you're going to need to chill a bit or you will make yourself ill. Going into labour could take days - they might be a welcome distraction.

MissAnneElk · 12/04/2010 09:28

I think YAB a bit U. They must feel that staying with you will make their trip to the hospital easier. You're not going to be put out too much are you. Make the spare bed. Strip the bed after they leave. Prepare an extra two portions of dinner.

Why not ask your Mum if she would mind stripping the bed before they leave and putting it in the machine for you as you are finding stretching and moving a bit uncomfortable at this stage in the pregnancy. Order takeaway for dinner to make that easier. Disappear early to bed with your DH (why does having them to stay make it difficult for you to sleep?). Explain to your DH that he is being a bit thoughtless and that your Dad has an important hospital appointment and they must be stressed about it.

When your baby arrives he will be getting a lot less sleep anyway. Hope he knows that.

LilRedWG · 12/04/2010 09:28

Do you think your parents may be hoping that you will offer to attend the appointment with them? It could be that they need you but are afraid to ask?

Collision · 12/04/2010 09:30

You do sound a bit precious about the baby's room tbh and unreasonable about your parents staying.

Your Dad could be quite ill and it sounds like they are both stressed about the appointment.

Be nice to them.

Cook them dinner and have a nice evening. It is highly unlikely that you will go into labour while they are there.

startagain · 12/04/2010 09:30

they are family
you are all supposed to support each other
Their first priority is the hospital appt, and if it's serious, then why shouldn't they be more concerned with that?
Do they even know how stressed DH is?
If they knew how much of an issue it would be, then they obviously wouldn't have asked.
Sorry, in my family you would be being unreasonable. And I do sympathise, cos I have a DH who get incredibly stressed and I have to keep my family away at those times.

Is this coming from your DH rather than you?
If so, he's adding more stress to the situation.

traceybath · 12/04/2010 09:31

Oh dear - you are being unreasonable but you're pregnant so I do understand why.

Does your DH get on well with your parents? Sounds a bit like he's winding you up.

Any reason why you think baby is going to come early?

PortBlacksandDweller · 12/04/2010 09:32

Also - There will be plenty of time for the three of you to be a family once the baby arrives. Your DH sounds worried that they will take over (however, i'm not sure i'd put up with 'furious').

What is the operation?

mnistooaddictive · 12/04/2010 09:32

First child right? I know it seems that at the moment the whole world revolves around you and your baby but it doesn't! Your parants clearly want some support from you and I would say give it because if the hospital visit involves bad news you may always feel guilty otherwise. It is one night. We are all like this with our first but you can't expect the whole world to fit around you.
BTW I was also told my baby would most likely be early and I had to be induced at term +9 as there was no sign!

twinkerbell · 12/04/2010 09:33

I think you are being a bit obsessive about the babies arrival, chance are you will be still waiting in a weeks time, 2 hours is a long drive to an appointment especially if your daughter lives closer!

I know how worrying it can be in these last few weeks/days of pregnancy and your emotions and feelings are all over the place

MintHumbug · 12/04/2010 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 12/04/2010 09:34

YABU.

It's only one night and clearly for a very important appointment which they're concerned about. I think you're being very precious to be honest.

maduggar · 12/04/2010 09:36

I think you are BU. You probably expect support from your parents when your baby arrives in a few weeks - so you should probably offer all the support you can right now, for your parents. They sound like they need it.

PortBlacksandDweller · 12/04/2010 09:37

mnistooaddictive is right about the first child thing too. DS1 was ill when i was 36 wks pregnant with DS2 and his treatment involved lots of trips to hospital - the final one being when DS2 was 2 weeks old. You just have to get on with what's necessary.

maduggar · 12/04/2010 09:38

Im not sure I understand the problem with the "sort of" nursery - are you worried they will touch or move the baby things?

Swanky · 12/04/2010 09:40

YABU. You are only 38 weeks pregnant - I am assuming with baby number 1 - and thus its quite unlikely, with no signs right now, that labour will suddenly start tonight. I know it could but its unlikely.

Why not plan a lovely meal together and enjoy their company, reassure them about the appointment, which they must be worried about and a 2 hour journey sounds like hell in the rush hour tbh.

Think of it as the last time you get to spend quality time together before the baby comes!

Hope your dad's appointment goes well.

Eglu · 12/04/2010 09:40

YABU and as others have said precious. Either there is more to this story or you are being utterly selfish.

LittleMissNorty · 12/04/2010 09:43

It seems like you have your answer - not only are you BU, you are also being quite selfish. It sounds like they are quite worried and would like a bit of support to me . I don't have my dad any more, and never had the chance to be there

saslou · 12/04/2010 09:46

Will your child one day be thinking about you in the same way you and dh are thinking about your parents? The pair of you sound horrible. What if there is something really wrong with your dad? They may not have said because you are pg. The world does not revolve around you and I think you should consider how you would feel doing a 2 hour trip, worrying about traffic and maybe missing an imp appt because your dd didn't want you to stay for one night

PortBlacksandDweller · 12/04/2010 09:46

Missboots - let us know how it all goes...