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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with my parents

64 replies

missboots · 12/04/2010 09:18

My first baby due in 2 weeks but we have been on standby for several weeks for an early arrival so I have been taking it easy at home keeping the baby cooking. My parents have asked to come and stay tonight because of an important medical appointment for my dad tomorrow morning at 11am and they?re worried about being late if they have to come from their home because of problems on the M4. We live on the other side of London from the appointment so it?s not necessarily better to be at our flat than at their house tonight. It would only take them an hour and a half, maybe 2 hours to get to the appointment from their home.

Additionally, our spare room has sort of been turned into the nursery , although we do still have a double bed in there, and I have previously said to my mum that it is no longer a guest room ? it?s the baby?s room. So while they can of course stay, it is a little unsettling to have them here. The flat is tiny and we never get much sleep when they?re here.

My DH is incredibly stressed at work at the moment and is furious that I didn?t tell them that it was inconsiderate of them to ask and that the answer was no. My problem is that I never tell them how I feel and he feels (and I suppose I do to a certain extent) that they walk all over me.

It?s not convenient for them to stay, I should have told them so, but I didn?t and now we?re both in a tizzy, worried that the baby could come at any minute. The last thing I want is for things to kick off tonight and then have to endure early labour at home with my parents hanging around waiting for their appointment. If it wasn?t for the fact that the appointment is something which my parents must be very worried about I would call them up and say they can?t come, but I don?t want to upset them.

So long story short ? I think they have been inconsiderate to ask to come and stay with us when DH is so busy at work and I?m days away from giving birth. AIBU?

OP posts:

CheekyVimtoGal · 12/04/2010 09:53

Are you suffering from Medical conditions for the baby to come early? If not and its your 'instinct' baby will come early, chances are you could be waiting another 4 weeks if you have 2 weeks left. I think you are been unreasonable.

Your parents seem that they are going to be attending an important appointment and all you seem to worry about is them staying in the babys room that wont be used for maybe the first 3 months of baby life. If you understand what i mean?!

Do you know what the appointment is for? If not, dont you think you should ask and find out if everything is ok?

If its an important appointment, maybe your parents wanted a bit of support from you the day before the appointment.

My mum gets on my wick all the time, everyday she has something new to moan to me about, be it the way i parent, or anything she can pick at, but if she has a hospital appointment and she tells me i am always worried as to what the appointment may be so always ask her if everything is ok.

LittleMissHissyFit · 12/04/2010 09:54

Thank goodness the timing has worked out so that you CAN offer support to your dad with his important medical appointment.

sorry missboots, but you may be hormonal, but you are also most definitely BU here.

When they are with you, don't think twice about getting your mum to help you with stripping beds etc, and I'm sure she'd be fine about helping... unless of course that's where YOU get it from??

PortBlacksandDweller · 12/04/2010 09:56

Do you think she'll be back? I hope so.

missboots you will be on here in 2 yrs time cringing at your PFB-ness.

LilRedWG · 12/04/2010 09:58

I hope she;ll be back too Port. I really had to reign myself in not to rip a strip off but other people have done it for me. PFB or not - I feel awful for her parents.

Original poster

missboots · 12/04/2010 10:02

Crikey - I had some problems logging in for a moment and I've been accused of running off.

But thanks - has helped me get some perspective! I am of course worried about dad's appointment, and that's why I didn't immediately say that it wasn't great timing for us. I just feel that they haven't really thought it through. I think I'm just stressing now because DH is so angry and I can't work out whether I'm right not to tell my parents not to come now or whether he's right. I think he has lost sight of the reason that they're in London and that coming to stay may just be a bit of an excuse for them to spend some time with us, and perhaps I did to.

There are all sorts of other medical things with me but I won't go into them. Doesn't look like I'll get much sympathy!

Have a good day all. I'm not horrible, honest - my mother is just very overbearing sometimes and I lose sight of what it right and what isn't - espcially when feeling a bit on edge about first baby's imminent arrival.

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 12/04/2010 10:07

Missboots - you need to have a chat with your DH and remind him exactly why your parents are in London.

Overbearing or not they are your Mum and Dad and need your support in this. Sadly, the timing is rarely right for this sort of thing.

Take care and enjoy your baby.

CheekyVimtoGal · 12/04/2010 10:11

Obviously having your PFB is a daunting experience and you want everything to be perfect. You sound like you have everything sorted for baby arriving. You are lucky. I lived in a one bed roomed upstairs flat when i had my PFB. It was horrendous.

Just take these few days to spend time with your parents, and TBH i would have loved for my mum to be there for me when i was having PFB (i dont mean at the birth) but i mean afterwards, would have been nice to have her there helping me. But she wasnt, she was far too interested in been at the pub so your very lucky to want your parents to stay with you.

MrsC2010 · 12/04/2010 10:13

YABU. It is one night 2 wks ahead of your due date, not days. It sounds like your parents are a little stressed about this appointment and are trying to remove as many potential problems as possible and be in a familiar place.

Original poster

missboots · 12/04/2010 10:14

I have just emailed him at work and told him to wind his neck in and that we just have to suck it up - so thanks for your replies (those that didn't get quite so cross with me)... he's agreed and apologised and everything is fine. I'm clearly just a bit tired and emotional - was a bit shocked when DH stomped off this morning in such a strop about it - and wasn't quite expecting that rollocking from you lot. Suspect that'll be my last trip into "AIBU"!

OP posts:

MrsC2010 · 12/04/2010 10:16

Actually I think perhaps your DH is being unreasonable, but stress can do that. Talk to him and chill him out a little.

paisleyleaf · 12/04/2010 10:17

It sounds like your DH is the overbearing one.

LadyBiscuit · 12/04/2010 10:20

If you want gentle, AIBU is never the right place!

Good on you for speaking to your DH. I'm sure your parents are very grateful to have that extra element of stress removed from what must be a very stressful time for them. I know my parents would be exactly the same about coming up the M4 on a weekday. And don't forget they are probably anxious about you too and may be clumsily using this as a way to see you. I think it's a really tricky time for prospective grandparents - they are dead keen to be involved but often the parents want to close down the hatches. Good luck in navigating it and with your birth

Jennysbean · 12/04/2010 10:24

It is stressful when you are expecting your first baby but I think you need to try and relax a little bit. Your parents are obviously stressed about this appointment and you would be easing a lot of that stress by letting them stay one night.
I don't know your current pregnancy situation of course but being your first I would guess it's unlikely you will go into labour that night!
I would relish the opportunity to have a nice evening with them, talk about the baby which remember is their Grandchild too! and you never know how soon it will be you will be needing your parents support with your little one.
It is hard being a parent, be nice to yours as I guarantee you it puts things in perspective once you become one yourself.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 12/04/2010 10:32

missboots, good for you you've been very gracious with being told YABU!!! Glad you've sorted your DH too, he didn't help matters with the stopping, did he?

Good luck with the baby.

LittleMissNorty · 12/04/2010 10:32

As others have said its probably DH that is BU here, but at least you have sorted it - so it was worth coming onto AIBU in order to see things for how they really are!

If you have medical things going on as well, it sounds to me like your parents want to see you and make sure you are ok. Nothing wrong in that.

Birdly · 12/04/2010 10:37

My biggest wish in the world is that my dad could have lived long enough to see my children/his grandchildren.

You're extremely lucky to have both your parents around, and equally fortunate that they love you enough to feel they can turn to you at what must be a genuinely frightening time for them.

Enjoy being with them, and let them be a welcome part of your new family. The only certainty is that they won't be around forever so enjoy your time together while you have it.

saslou · 12/04/2010 10:43

Glad you have got things sorted. Hope you don't leave. The good thing about AIBU is that you will get peoples honest opinions rather than the sugar coated advice friends in rl can give. This often has the positive effect of stopping you from behaving in a way which you may come to regret. That said, maybe I was a bit too brutal because you did actually think about whether you were being fair or not enough to ask. Hope all goes well with your dad and new baby

traceybath · 12/04/2010 10:54

MissBoots - I cried when 36 wks with my first because mil re-folded my beautifully laundered and ironed baby vests the 'wrong' way. Honestly - I was quite quite crazy.

Luckily DH realised and just did lots of 'yes dear - how awful'.

Enjoy spending time with your parents - order in food if necessary and yes - do avoid aibu when feeling fragile

OrmRenewed · 12/04/2010 10:58

Good news missboots

DH needs to be a bit kinder - to our parents but also to you. hope the appointment goes well and the baby stays put for a bit longer.

NonnoMum · 12/04/2010 11:03

This story might help you a little.

When expecting my DC3, my parents were "between addresses" (v long story) and stayed at ours for four weeks. (My DH had to some of that time work away so it was helpful in case I did go into labour)
We were crowded, but we survived.
They were here for my due date, I went over, and labour pains started the day they moved out.
Think my body waited to find a quiet uninhibited place to go into labout. Sometimes these things just work out.
Enjoy their company.
Your first baby will probably be late!
And Good Luck!

NonnoMum · 12/04/2010 11:05

labour not labout

Goblinchild · 12/04/2010 11:11

I'd think about some help, support and counselling for your OH to be honest.
If he's stressed out now, what is he going to be like six weeks after the baby is born?

Jacquienory · 12/04/2010 11:16

My 'children' have been in a similar position to you I think. It is a difficult one and neither generation knows exactly how to behave to the other. My daughters certainly wanted me to be there to see the new arrivals asap. Are you going to want that? You are lucky that you have a Mum and Dad as my children's dad died prematurely when they were in their teens. Conversely my daughters have made it clear when they did not want me to stay and whilst I have been hurt by this it is important to be honest. I think you should make the most of being able to see them, but explain how you are struggling with a small flat and imminent arrival. I hope your dad is OK.

LilRedWG · 12/04/2010 11:26

Am glad DH is winding his neck in. Take care of yourself and make sure he realises how personally you will take everything for the next few weeks. Hormones are evil.

Dirtgirl · 12/04/2010 14:11

Missboots, you have been very gracious in accepting all this criticism so hats off to you. I'm glad you've been able to get it all sorted out. It isn't easy when you're that close to your due date, it is very daunting and easy to lose perspective.

Good luck with the baby and I hope your Dad is ok too.

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