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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DD take more money on the school trip than the school have allowed?

68 replies

welliebootsgalore · 10/04/2010 14:39

DD is going away for a week in May with her class. They are a smallish class so they are quite a tight group and I know most of the other parents very well. Was chatting to some of my friends at a birthday party yesterday and they have all said they are letting their DCs take £30/40 rather than the allowed £15.

From what I can gather, all of the parents I have spoken to are letting their DCs take a larger amount. AIBU to let her take £40 too? I don't mind giving her more but I feel like it?s going behind the school?s back a bit. And I don?t want to upset those children who aren?t bringing more money. ( Not sure if there will be any but not sure).
I can?t go and say anything at the school as I feel like I would be betraying the other parents. I spoke to one of my friend's about my worries this morning and she just said that because we are paying for them to go to the school that we should let them take whatever money they want.

AIBU to let DD take more money? Sorry for sounding like a real ?goody two shoes? but I just don?t want to upset anyone by doing the wrong thing!

OP posts:
helyg · 10/04/2010 14:43

I would imagine that the school has looked at how much money the children will actually need during the week, and then decided on an amount to set the limit at. In which case I would stick to the £15 limit.

How many opportunities for spending will there actually be on the trip?

deaddei · 10/04/2010 14:46

Why tell children it's ok to deliberately flout school rules?
Stick to £15- the teachers will soon see who's taken more!

LIZS · 10/04/2010 14:47

how old are they ? Ours set a maximum amount which the teachers look after and the kids are given a portion each day so they are encouraged to budget. I'm sure some parents gvie the kids extras but there does n't seem ot be a lot of point, what will they have to spend it on anyway ?

Original poster
welliebootsgalore · 10/04/2010 14:48

They're 9 and I don't think there will be that many as it's a camping and activity type holiday. I know they are going to a visit a few towns etc but the main focus of the trip is the walking, climbing etc.

OP posts:
MrsWeasley · 10/04/2010 14:48

A tricky one this.
How old is your DD? What will she spend £40 on?
Not a problem I have had to deal with as at our junior school the "spending money" is paid with the trip cost and given to the children when they are away. The school does ask us not to give any extra for a few reasons 1st)fairness-everyone has the same and 2nd) the things to buy are overpriced, and not that great in quality or sweets!

Original poster
welliebootsgalore · 10/04/2010 14:50

MrsWeasley - I don't think she would be able to spend hardly any of it tbh as it's an activity holiday!

OP posts:
Ponders · 10/04/2010 14:50

£40 for a 9-yr-old for a week is a ridiculous amount of money on a school trip.

Even £15 seems like a lot!

I would stick to the rule.

gingernutlover · 10/04/2010 14:51

the rule is £15 - most rules are set for very good reasons.

If you give your dd more you are saying it is okay to break rules and are allowing her to do so - bad example IMO

MrsWeasley · 10/04/2010 14:51

Sorry my post took ages to send. As your DD is 9 years old I think £15 is more than enough. Our 11 years olds take £10.

cocolepew · 10/04/2010 14:52

Stick to the rule. My DD went to Edinburgh and anyone who took extra had it taken off them anyway.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 10/04/2010 14:52

I think 30 is a crazy amount for 9 year olds for a week. 15 is more than enough! I'd tell the teachers to be honest, they can't help unless they know; tell them you want to send the £15 but you foresee problems if others have loads more. Forewarned is forearmed for the teachers - they can say to the kids, if you have more than 15 you won't be allowed to spend it so you may as well not bring it. Then the message will get back to the parents and hopefully everything's done fairly.

People are bizarre.

LIZS · 10/04/2010 14:52

£15 for that type of trip and age seems ample. £40 is a lot of responsibility for a child that age. There will be a tuck shop but precious little else. dd is doing a simialr trip as ds did a few years back.

thumbwitch · 10/04/2010 14:52

I would stick to the amount suggested by the school, tbh. There will be all sorts of reasons why they have set this limit and it's not a particularly good example to set your DD, flouting the school rules, is it?

As a "poor" child at school, it was quite galling that others had so much more money than I did and I felt it keenly - if one of the reasons the school has is to stop the better-off DC "flashing the cash" or spending more than they need to, then it's not very fair on anyone to break that.

TBH, what other parents are doing is neither here nor there - you have to do what is right for you and your family - and if it were me, I'd still stick to the £15.

gingernutlover · 10/04/2010 14:52

if you dont think she will need it why on earth are you even considering giving her more???

If they were banning mobile phones and cameras would you also break this rule and say its okay because you are paying for her to be there?

Original poster
welliebootsgalore · 10/04/2010 14:56

Thank you for the replies. CirrhosisByTheSea I like the idea of the teacher telling them wouldn't be allowed to spend more!! I think I might have a quiet word with her teacher after the holidays.

gingernutlover - the only reason I was really considering it is that I didn't want her to be left out if her friends all had more

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 10/04/2010 14:58

You don't want to I can see yur dilemma - you don't want any child (yours or others) to feel left out because they have less.

I think you should stick to the £15 and also speak to the school to make sure they will be enforcing the £15 rule.

I don't know much about 9-yr-olds but wouldn't imagine they shoul dbe trusted with £40 unless you're happy for it all to be spent on sweets or in Claire's Accessories.

gingernutlover · 10/04/2010 15:16

it is so hard isnt, they want to be the same as all their friends but it is so improtant for them to see you doing the right thing, then hopefully they will follow suit.

i actually think tipping off the teachers would be a good idea maybe they could collect all the money at the beginning of the week and dole it out daily. However, there will always be someone who flouts the rules and manages to have more money or banned items.

she wont need the extra money and if you let her take it and she manages to spend it, it will probably all go on pink plastic tat and sweets that make her sick - total waste of money IMO.

strawberrykate · 10/04/2010 15:21

The question I ask parents as a teacher- how would you feel if she lost the forty pounds? IT happens a lot on trips and is part the reason it's limited. Also how would you feel if she spent £40 on junk food/ sweets and gave it all to friends? Yes it's happened. I get a lot of complaints after trips that children have spend money unwisely or lost and I should have supervised their spending, when the parents gave it to them behind my back against advice! Personally I think £15 is way too much for what you are describing. For my class I set at £5 and am happy to hold onto that amount for safe keeping in an envelope too to be handed out when needed (prevents the purchase and effects of £5 of penny sweets!). I make it VERY clear that I will not be responsible for children having more and losing it/ spending it in a daft manner when I have more important things to keep an eye on with 30 free range children in my charge. £5 gets a sensible mount of snacks and a small souvenier. IT's a walking holiday at the end of the day, there's no shopping centre.

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/04/2010 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

darcymum · 10/04/2010 15:28

Why on earth would you want to give her £40 anyway? Whats she going to spent it on £40 worth of sweets? I would tell the other mothers that as well and not be influenced by them.

MillyMollyMoo · 10/04/2010 15:36

Mine would lose £15 nevermind £40 so I would stick with the £15 for that reason alone.

ScaredOne · 10/04/2010 15:52

My mum always gave me a bit more. Sometimes I needed it sometimes not.
She would put the amount I was allowed in my wallet and the rest was put into socks. So we e.g. said "all the red socks contain a pound each, so you only wear them when skint".
It depends on how long they go away for but sometimes 15 pounds are not a lot. If they go 5 days it's only 3 pounds a day. That's hardly an ice cream and a bit of candy for their midnight party ;)

maryz · 10/04/2010 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 10/04/2010 16:04

ScaredOne did you actually NEED the extra money?

BlauerEngel · 10/04/2010 16:07

Can I hijack the thread slightly for a related question? DD1's class is going to Britain for a week (from Germany) also in May, and we've been told to give them 45 pounds, no more, no less. It will be given to the teachers and they get a limited amount doled out each day, and more on request if they want to buy a more expensive present. They're going to the south coast and London/Canterbury, so a very different holiday to the OP, and they're 11/12. So does 45 pounds sound excessive? From some of the responses here it would seem so.

FWIW, OP, I would try and get the matter cleared up before you leave by persuading the other parents to approach the teacher. As it stands, you're in an no-win situation - if you give your DC the extra money you're encouraging dishonesty, but if you don't your child has less than the others. Neither of those are good options. Maybe everybody could give the teacher an extra 10 pounds so if the kids want to buy something specific - a nice pressie for siblings at home, for instance - the resources are there.

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