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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my children to be able to play in their own back garden

76 replies

Mumsaysno · 09/04/2010 11:46

Am I being unreasonable to expect my children to be able to play in their own backgarden in peace without other children shouting over to them and "spying on them" whilst jumping on a massive trampoline that overlooks our garden. Have tried growing bamboo up the fence that divides the garden and this grew really well and screened both the trampoline and children and then they moved the trampoline along the fence and away from the bamboo. So now whenever we are in the garden they are peering over making comments. Is it unreasonable to expect to be able to have peace and privacy in your own garden in nice weather.

OP posts:

fallon8 · 09/04/2010 14:47

When my kids were small, the neighbours built a bloody skate board rampthing for thier kids, it was the noise. I tolerated it after school, but one day, husband had come home from work and we thought we would sit outside with a drink, the bloody skateboard atarted again, so, we went inside, and then I suddenly
thought, hang on,ive as much right as they do, so, i rang up, exlpained that it was really noisy etc etc ,got a few snotty comments about barking dogs/tolerance etc, but it did the trick. They were really lucky, because other neighbours were going to complain to the council,but they removed the thing.
Another thing I did, if my kids and I wanted time on our own, I just said that. How about the dreaded leylandii, kept under control,or trellis with ivy?

pagwatch · 09/04/2010 14:51

We have a load of children next door who stare - although their parents stop them now they are aware that DS2 likes to trampoline naked.
have you thought of doing some naked gardening?

Francagoestohollywood · 09/04/2010 15:01

Why don't they play together?

pagwatch · 09/04/2010 15:03

My DD often tries to talk to the children next door. They don't answer her or run away. She has given up trying now which is a shame. At our last home the children were endlessly climbing over the fence to play in each others gardens.
I miss that tbh

Francagoestohollywood · 09/04/2010 15:05

How bizarre! How nice to climb the fence and play together (nostalgia of childhood emoticon)

wastwinsetandpearls · 09/04/2010 15:06

I would love some children to peer over our fence, the only interaction that dd has over our garden wall is from sheep and horses.

Be very careful what you wish for.

pagwatch · 09/04/2010 15:09

ditto Franca

i loved looking out at my two DSs playing, turning away and then looking back to see about 12 friends had climbed over and they were all playing... well DS2 was jumping up and down but you know what I mean

Joolyjoolyjoo · 09/04/2010 15:13

I can kind of sympathise. When we put our house on the market, one of its selling points was that we had a lovely decking area, with complete privacy thanks to the fir trees separating us from next door. Had viewers who were keen, were waiting for their offer, then came home one day to find neighbour had cut down the lovely big trees (they were actually on their side of the fence, but I wish they had at least discussed it with us!) and now our lovely little raised deck looked directly into their garden- which was like a salvage yard! DH went nuts!

We went out and bought a trellis and spent until dark putting it up. Neighbour had the grace to apologise- had thought we would be pleased about the trees, apparently We explained we just wanted to maintain some privacy, especially with trying to sell the house etc. The trellis went some way to rectifying the situation

Then next day they went out and got a 12 ft trampoline, and put it right next to our fence. I came home to find about 9 children bouncing up over our new trellis!! AArgh! I was actually crying . DH went and asked very nicely if they could move it over a bit until we had sold the house, and they did

So might be worth talking to the neighbours, if there is anywhere else the trampoline could go?? Failing that, trellis!

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 09/04/2010 19:05

Yeah but to all the "be careful what you wish for" people, the op has invited those kids over before and they made pests of themselves and wouldn't leave when asked. Most children are great and it's lovely when they can all play together nicely but in this case it sounds like they're just a bit of a pain with the standing and staring in. Even her kids are fed up of it.

The op is entitled to use her garden in peace without feeling obliged to invite all the neighbour's children in. What if it was ten kids staring? should she invite them all over every time they decided to stare? If you would really genuinely do that every time you walked into the quiet garden with a drink and a good book, then you're a better person than me that's for sure...

pointydog · 09/04/2010 19:14

children always seek out other children. Yabu. Go and move somewhere with no neighbours.

lovechoc · 09/04/2010 19:30

my DS peers through the fence into next door's garden and chats away to who ever happens to be out and about - he's just really friendly!! Perhaps these children next door to you are like this too??

DS is VERY nosey indeed - a bit like myself I suppose

YABU - what are neighbours for?!

Majestic · 09/04/2010 19:32

YANBU That would really naff me off and make me want to say bad things to the next door children to make them think twice next time

missmuddle · 09/04/2010 19:46

will be flamed for this but I would advise the op NOT to invite the dcs over I started doing this now every time in the garden their is an expectation for them to come over and play (this is never reciprocated). Everything we do in the garden - we do ith an audience from next door - some days i wish it was not there

SilkyBreeks · 09/04/2010 19:57

YANBremotelyU!!!

If it was occasional fair enough, but you've got a right to not be stared at every time you go out.
All the people who seem to think this is okay would probably change their tune if it was an old person staring in or a dog or something. My elderly parents are currently being stalked by next door's three year old, they wouldn't mind every now and again and would enjoy his company if it were rationed, but my poor dad can't read his paper in peace any more - EVERY time he goes out there this child peers through the hedge shouting "what you doing?".
When I was a kid I would have been TOLD in no uncertain terms not to bother folk (me and my cousin got a right telling off for throwing notes into a neighbour's garden while she was sunbathing), shame that seems to be no longer the case. Nothing wrong with being friendly, calling hello and then getting on with your own garden fun, but people's gardens are their own space and you shouldn't spoil that, however young you are. I'd try and grow something else, or alternatively train your own children to don scary masks and silently stare into their garden like Village of the Damned. Or why don't you and your partner get a sitter one weekend and get frisky out there, that'll learn 'em.

mumblechum · 09/04/2010 20:03

The little girl on the other side of us often says to dh (who spends every waking minute gardening)
Her:"Hello"
DH:"Hello"
Hello
..DH: pause "Hello"
and on about 6 times then he just ignores her. He did say at one point he'd accidentally put the hose on her but I think he was joking {grin}

DragonMamiCooksWelshCakes · 09/04/2010 20:31

YANBU. The secret to good neighbourly relations is a bloody big fence.

(Can't wait for our new fence to be put up. We have similar problems with our neighbours. Makes me feel like I can't relax in my own garden despite the fact I actually do like & get on well with my neighbours.)

accessorizequeen · 09/04/2010 20:38

I hope you can get it sorted Mumsaysno, we have a similar situation in that neighbours have built a high decking area next to the dividing wall so they & everyone who visits looks straight over into our garden. I am so angry about it, feel I can't sit in the garden without being stared at. We created a beautiful garden 2 summers ago and now I hate being in it if neighbours are home (thank god no trampoline).

Did think of putting trellis or something at the top of the brick wall but not sure how to accomplish this? We are selling this year so I guess need to sort something for that reason as well?

Pollyanna · 09/04/2010 20:42

oh God, now I'm worried. My children always call over the fence to the next door neightbours son, and now they have put up bamboo next to the fence.

we have a trampoline too.

They have never been invited over though and I am constantly telling them not to shout at the boy next door. They make me feel very uncomfortable living next door to them actually as we are quite loud (lots of children) and they only have 2 little ones.

You're not my neighbour are you?

Original poster

Mumsaysno · 09/04/2010 20:46

We get on well with the neighbours and as I said before don't mind the noise of children playing (they are children after all) and my own children play outside. Its the standing on the trampoline and staring into the garden that I object to, especially from children that are old enough to know better. Will have a word with their parents if it keeps happening.

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 09/04/2010 20:52

We had a low fence...my kids and next doors kids used to play bean bag tennis for hours ..I miss those times

lovechoc · 09/04/2010 21:11

why not get a trampoline yourself OP and join them at their own game? you can jump up and stare back at them! they may think twice about doing it again..

usualsuspect · 09/04/2010 23:36

Just have a fag in your garden,next to the fence..that will shift them

SparklyGothKat · 09/04/2010 23:40

my kids jump ontheir trampoline and chat to people on the other side. What I actually hate is we have a 'path' behind our fence which has a raised bit and when kids walk behind our fence, they can see the whole of our garden and into my house. I have had kids climb my fence and sit on it, and shout at me to get their ball, now that is rude...

princessparty · 10/04/2010 00:05

This thread reminded me of when I was a kid.The couple next door (think mago and Gerry Leadbeater) used to think they were really posh and change into evening dress and eat dinner off a fancily laid table on the patio.My DB and I used to climb up onto the shed roof and gawp at them!

usualsuspect · 10/04/2010 00:14

I have a high fence now.. my dog likes to spy through the holes in it

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