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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my children to be able to play in their own back garden

76 replies

Mumsaysno · 09/04/2010 11:46

Am I being unreasonable to expect my children to be able to play in their own backgarden in peace without other children shouting over to them and "spying on them" whilst jumping on a massive trampoline that overlooks our garden. Have tried growing bamboo up the fence that divides the garden and this grew really well and screened both the trampoline and children and then they moved the trampoline along the fence and away from the bamboo. So now whenever we are in the garden they are peering over making comments. Is it unreasonable to expect to be able to have peace and privacy in your own garden in nice weather.

OP posts:
jellybeans · 09/04/2010 12:25

yanbu to be annoyed but few people have total privacy! We have an old couple one side who always come out to 'watch' the kids play which is actually quite nice, they are so good with them and they are very lonely so it cheers them up.

Sometimes it can be abit annoying if I am trying to read a book or something (fence is quite low so we often chat) and feel I have to chat but after not having a garden for years before am just grateful that a) we have a safe garden to sit/play in and b) the neighbours are lovely and we are so lucky there, could be nightmare neighbours like some people have.

As for neighbours kids, I have many happy memories of playing with the neighbours kids and playing in each others gardens.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 09/04/2010 12:33

YANBU, I know I'd find it annoying to have a constant audience, although I'd probably have said something to them before now, along the lines of "Go on and play now, it's rude to stare"

How old (roughly) are the kids? Have you tried saying anything, to them or their parents?

runnybottom · 09/04/2010 12:36

Get a bigger fence.

Original poster
Mumsaysno · 09/04/2010 12:36

11, 9 and 8 so old enough to know better, in my opinion. It is starting to get on my children's nerves as well now. Have tried mentioning it before to the mum but she is the sort of person who lets her children do whatever they want and never tells them off. If the dad is out in the garden he will tell them not to stare over but he is not there very often.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumsaysno · 09/04/2010 12:39

Fence is already 6ft high so can't get a higher fence as they can see over the fence by just standing on the trampoline. Think will have to grow even more bamboo.

OP posts:
Babieseverywhere · 09/04/2010 12:55

What about growing bamboo in a pot(s) and thean they can be moved to cover the trampoline whereever it is moved to ?

catkinq · 09/04/2010 13:02

YANBU - not everyone and not all children want to socialise all the time. Not everyone can buy a house in the middle of no where and they shouldn't have to just because they do not want to be forced to interact with the neighbours on a daily basis. Some people want to keep themselves to themselves and/or have a bit of privacy. Children should be taught to respect this fact. Why should the poor lady have to invite next door's children in just because their parents can't teach them to respect the privacy of others?

Could you try trellis on top of the fence?

Original poster
Mumsaysno · 09/04/2010 13:04

Think the bamboo in pots is a good idea, we planted ours in the garden, wish we had but it in big pots as like you said it could be moved easily to screen the trampoline.

OP posts:
belgo · 09/04/2010 13:06

I would have sympathy if the children were rude or throwing things, but if they are just looking, then I think that is very hard to prevent. I'm sure they will get bored of it soon enough.

bibbitybobbityhat · 09/04/2010 13:06

Yanbu. I know exactly how you feel.

Lol at the "just think yourself lucky you have a garden" comments.

Original poster
Mumsaysno · 09/04/2010 13:06

Thank you catkinq, that is all I was trying to get across and you said it so much better than me. All we want at the weekend and after a hard day working is to spend time together as a family in our own garden (yes lucky to have one) and to be able to feel we can relax without being spied on constantly. Thank you for understanding my post.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 09/04/2010 13:15

But I would have no problem myself in having a polite word with the children along the lines of

"I'm not sure if you have ever been told this but it is very rude to spy on people. How would you like it if I came and stood by my fence and looked in on your garden and made comments about you? We have our garden and you have yours and I'm afraid what goes on in ours is none of your business."

You don't need to be harsh or aggressive at all. They are only young children. Hopefully they will listen to you.

5Foot5 · 09/04/2010 13:18

Just because there are some people on here who don't have a garden or who have even worse neighbours it does not mean YABU to resent these rude children.

If they were very small it might be understandable but at 11, 9 and 8 they should definitely know better.

We have a similar garden situation in that there are six foot high fences and the next door neighbours have a trampoline. Before the trampoline, when their boys were younger, they had a climbing frame. Once when it was a lovely day and we wanted to eat outside, their youngest sat atop of the frame and watched us and kept shouting questions! Fortunately his mother soon put a stop to it and both parents made sure their kids were not being a nuisance.

The bamboo sounds a good idea or could you put a gigh trellis along the whole fence and traing something to grow up it. The trellis itself would provide screening straightaway.

ChippingIn · 09/04/2010 13:23

How about growing a very bushy climbing rose along the fence?

I guess you have tried asking them not to do it????

Have you tried ignoring them (and getting your kids to as well) - it's not very nice, but if you have asked them to stop and they keep doing it anyway, then that's a bit tough isn't it! If they are constantly ignored, then they might get bored of you all

Have you tried telling them 'For goodness sake, would you stop staring into our garden it is RUDE!'

Original poster
Mumsaysno · 09/04/2010 13:24

Thank you for the understanding comments, will have to look into trellis as this would be an easier and more instant way than bamboo. The problem was worse over the summer last year with them staring when we were having bbqs and had people over and my husband resorted to buying a gazebo with side panels for us to sit under for some privacy, which I feel we shouldnt have to do, why hide in our own garden. Don't mind the children playing on the trampoline or in their garden, they could bounce on the trampoline but be looking into their own garden not over the fence into ours. But it is really the staring over and the just standing on the trampoline and being spied on that is most annoying.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 09/04/2010 13:25

So say something to them Mum. Your neighbours are obviously not going to ...

bibbitybobbityhat · 09/04/2010 13:26

Don't be terorrised in your own garden by a bunch of children .

cuddlysoutheastastra · 09/04/2010 13:26

oh dear, my son climbs up his slide a noses at the next door neighbours, he doesn't even try to hide it. he has no tact

Original poster
Mumsaysno · 09/04/2010 13:29

Can we add trellis to a 6ft high fence? I thought 6ft was the highest you could have on a fence?

OP posts:
freshandclean · 09/04/2010 13:46

YANBU at all, I understand completely. Wish I had a solution too. We are thinking of investing in planting tall bushy trees this year, not sure what else to do. It is v. frustrating to have purchased a home with this benefit and not be able to enjoy it.

bibbitybobbityhat · 09/04/2010 13:52

Mum - please, please, please - are you going to say something to them?

If not, why not?

mumblechum · 09/04/2010 13:56

I think I'd find it a bit freaky to have children just standing and staring into my garden and I don't think YABU.

Would trellis be tall enough, though?

I'd:

a) Tell them to stop

b) if that didn't work, tell the parents to tell them to stop

c) Put trellis up anyway, or as someone suggested, bamboo in pots.

(BTW tall bamboos are really expensive. A cheap alternative would be to put some of those fan-shaped trellises in large pots and grow something really quick growing like Morning Glory and/or Nasturtiums. If you did that in early May they'd be over the top of the trellises by end June. )

It would piss me off tbh. Our next door neighbour is an oldish lady who's lovely and studiously avoids looking in our garden if we're in it.

Marne · 09/04/2010 14:08

Get a large water pistol and shoot them when ever they look over your fence , they will soon learn.

pimskie · 09/04/2010 14:09

Totally understand how you feel! our neighbours have put in decking at the bottom of their garden and it's so high that the adults can stare over our fence without even standing on anything. Needless to say they do this all the time and it's getting on my nerves. Their children now do the same, standing on their climbing frame. they have also taken to throwing rubbish into our garden, like plastic cutlery after a BBQ party at theirs . Dad is some sort of homicidal maniac (honestly, I expect the police to turn up every day to arrest him), so don't feel too happy about asking them to stop!. Will have to look into trellis or bamboo!!!

fallon8 · 09/04/2010 14:38

take all your clothes off, that'll shut them up.

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