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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Update on inappropriate gift

29 replies

BlunderBust · 08/04/2010 21:03

So, after me saying this morning I thought it was inappropriate he's been off with me all day.

We've just had a discussion and he's sacked me .

He said he "cannot understand where I'm coming from" and that I have "compromised his ability to do his job properly" because he "has to watch every word he says to women."

Marvellous.

OP posts:

junglist1 · 08/04/2010 21:09

What do you mean sacked you???!!!

Mooncupflowethover · 08/04/2010 21:10

Sacked you? Is he your DH or your boss?

plimsolls · 08/04/2010 21:11

or both?

Original poster

BlunderBust · 08/04/2010 21:14

Both. Established family business, I started a few months ago to see if it would work, us working together that is. Obviously not.

OP posts:

plimsolls · 08/04/2010 21:15

Hmmmm. Well if he has sacked you at the drop of a hat because he didn't like your opinion then I guess its best he's not going to be your boss anymore. Could/would he sack any other employee like that?

junglist1 · 08/04/2010 21:17

Talk about an over defensive reaction. He bought a fluffy rabbit for a grown woman and now you're in the wrong? Pah!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/04/2010 21:17

That is outrageous!

LynetteScavo · 08/04/2010 21:17

Now, y'see, this is why my DH hasn't sacked me yet...I liked the bunny.

BeautifullyScreaming · 08/04/2010 21:18

My God

What happens to your relationship if your husband sacks you?

Take him to a tribunal for unfair dismissal?

overmydeadbody · 08/04/2010 21:19

Surely that's unfair dismissal?!

Was is you he baught the bunny for?

I am confused

DuelingFanjo · 08/04/2010 21:21

well, depends on how often you are critical of his interaction with women IMO.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/04/2010 21:24

Yes what is your legal position here, surely you must have a contract of employment for tax purposes?

LittleMissHissyFit · 08/04/2010 21:45

oh my god... for real?

My dad did the same to my mum, started a whole other ball rolling...

You need to talk to him seriously and sort this out.

redredruby · 08/04/2010 21:47

'us working together'.....so how can he sack you?!

that sounds really bizarre - as though he has just thrown all his toys out the pram - not a very professional response but that is the problem really isn't it? A lack of maturity and professionalism hence the rabbit and hence sacking you.

Hope you haven't put too much into the business if that is the way he behaves the minute something he doesn't like happens!

redredruby · 08/04/2010 21:49

sorry - missed the bit about established family business.

But, still it is a very worrying reaction regardless!

Portoeufino · 08/04/2010 21:53

So he sent a cuddly bunny to another woman and then sacked you when you told hi, you thought it was inappropriate! I would be looking for a good solicitor at this point....

plimsolls · 08/04/2010 22:01

OTOH, the situation could be seen as:

You two working together causes personal conflict because you have different viewpoints and whilst thats fine in your marriage because it is equal, it doesn't suit the way the business is run, because DH has to make judgment calls and make decisions (I'm assuming he runs the company).

Whilst in the case of the bunny, it was the wrong decision, and as a wife you are entitled to say you are unhappy, as an employee questioning the boss's judgement in that way blurs boundaries and perhaps DH is worried that this will extend to all areas of the business.

I'm not saying he is right, but I don't necessarily think you need to be calling divorce lawyers.

plimsolls · 08/04/2010 22:04

Sorry, missed this bit off: From your OP I had first assumed he'd sacked you in a
"how dare you! You are fired!"

but was it more of a:

"I don't think this is going to work, I feel like you are looking over my shoulder and it will make both of us unhappy in the long run if we continue to work together"

BitOfFun · 08/04/2010 22:17

He sounds like he is being a knob. So he can't handle you giving him decent business advice? Or he thinks you are being jealous?

Both stupid reasons to not want to work with you.

Or does he want free rein to flirt with his clients and need you out of the picture?

I confess I am puzzled.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/04/2010 22:19

BOF - so am I.

I don't normally shout 'he's having an affair', but the reaction of the OP's DH is so OTT that it does make you wonder.

I think it might not be a bad idea to have a lawyer on standby....

plimsolls · 08/04/2010 22:27

I know it sounds like he has been OTT but there's not a lot of context from this thread or the first one. Like:

Whose idea was it for you to start working there? If he was having an affair with a client I can't imagine he'd have encouraged the OP to join the firm....unless he's thick/arrogant/insensitive.

How inappropriate was it to send the gift? For example, my friend works in advertising and she sends "wacky" (bleugh) gifts to clients all the time. But, if you work in a used car showroom, then sending a fluffy bunny to a client would be weird.

Have there been any other conflicts/problems since you started working there? If this was the first and the sacking was out of the blue, then yes, quite worrying. If this was the latest in a long line of conflict at work, then less worrying.

JMHO.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/04/2010 23:03

plimsolls I agree, we are not fully in the picture, infact we're hardly in the picture at all.

OP - I hope you and your DH are having a blazing row meaningful discussion about this as we speak!

plimsolls · 08/04/2010 23:07

I agree, OP, and I hope you're OK.

BuzzingNoise · 08/04/2010 23:14

It's over and done with. He probably didn't like you criticising his judgement about what was a good gift or not and now you won't drop it.

Original poster

BlunderBust · 09/04/2010 08:11

Thanks all.

I left out a lot of context initially because I genuinely wanted to know if my reaction to seeing the gift, ie what? why? chocolate surely would be better?, was unreasonable or not.

I don't think, have never thought tbh, he is having an affair with this client. I just think he is egging her on given that she quite openly flirts with him - calls him silly names when she rings for him and then has lengthy inane conversations with him. Which he endures in the name of business.

All of which I believe and understand. It is just NOT the way I do business - I can't bear schmoozing, arse licking, flirting - the whole lot just don't sit comfortably with me. I don't mind a laugh and a chat, but prefer to keep professional relationships, well, professional.

OP posts:

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