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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in hating 'cuddles' in the morning?!

61 replies

LittleLurker · 08/04/2010 09:53

I have been with DH for many years now, and we get on brilliantly, and have a lovely relationship together. For as long as I?ve known him, he always worked nights, meaning that he would come back from work at about 6am completely shattered, and get straight into bed and fall asleep. I would wake up for work at 8am, get ready quietly and slip out to work. Things worked perfectly.

Now he has got a new job, and now works ?days?. He has to get up at 7am, which means every morning at 7am he wakes up, rolls over, and starts cuddling me. Which wakes me up. So every morning I now end up waking up at 7am instead of 8am, and I hate this. I am quite a brat about my sleep, and really not a morning person!

I?ve tried to bring it up nicely, and explaining that perhaps we could skip the ?morning cuddles? because I don?t like being woken up before I have to be, but he is very affectionate and says he has a rubbish day and doesn?t like going to work without ?morning cuddles?.

Im very tactile and affectionate the rest of the day (just not mornings) and really have started to resent him in the mornings!!

So?. Let me have it?.. AIBU?

OP posts:

ZacharyQuack · 08/04/2010 10:01

YANBU. If anyone woke me up an hour before I have to get up, I would rip their arm off.

choufleur · 08/04/2010 10:02

I don't think you are. DH works shifts and I hate it if he is on an early and wakes me before i have to get up (although he does get up at 5.30am).

Although 7am is not that early to get up.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 08/04/2010 10:07

If you don't like it, roll over and pretend to still be asleep. Ignore him, start snoring, keep your eyes closed! Maybe he will realise that it's not working.

Or ask him how he would feel if you had been wanting morning cuddles at 8 am when he had previously been working until 6am?

hattyyellow · 08/04/2010 10:08

No, I don't think you are BU.

My DH often wakes earlier and will attempt to start getting frisky with me. Pre-7am this does my head in quite frankly!

I don't care if he's woken naturally at 6am - I need my sleep especially with 3 young children..

I think you have to be a bit blunter with him. Do you cuddle as you fall asleep? (Because I find this annoying too! I am a very uncuddly person in bed also, my sleep is precious).

ShinyAndNew · 08/04/2010 10:09

I hate people touching me, standing to close to me, kissing me, just breathing the same air as me untill I have had at least two coffees.

YANBU.

cocolepew · 08/04/2010 10:14

I would punch him.

Malificence · 08/04/2010 10:14

I think you need to get a grip and realise just how fortunate you are to have a partner who wants to cuddle you in a morning ( and this is from someone who loves her sleep and isn't a morning person either). I relish the fact that the first thing my DH does on waking is reach for me.

Have your cuddles then go back to sleep - simples. Surely the alarm wakes you in any case?

LEMneedsmnadvice · 08/04/2010 10:17

YANBU - we have always been morning "cuddlers" but by that i mean, pre children, pre having to be up at stupid o clock. So i have retrained my cuddle clock. DP on the other hand, hasn't - he is currently having to leave for work at 5.30 which means im getting nudged at 5am!!! I have gotten cross with him at times, i try to explain that by the time i actually get back to sleep i have to get up and end up with a bed head. Trouble is, he is unrousable of a night due to his early starts!! i feel your pain

persephonesnape · 08/04/2010 10:18

YABU - because at this stage in my life any adult physical contact would just be delightful. however, if you don't want to be touched - and you've tried to be diplomatic about it then you either have to accept it as one of the trade off's for being in a 'lovely relationship' or be a bit more blunt.

is 'cuddles' a euphamism for a shag though?

ZZZenAgain · 08/04/2010 10:21

I would tell him to bring me a cup of coffee first - and take a shower.

LEMneedsmnadvice · 08/04/2010 10:21

i think it might be persephone, see, me personally i love cuddles in the morning and would hate it if DP left for work without cuddling me, even if he were leaving at 4am, but i find "cuddles" a bit too much

ZZZenAgain · 08/04/2010 10:23

yes are the "morning cuddles" = sex? I would say it forget it till I've had two coffees.

If it is just cuddling. He can bring you some coffee in bed, go off get ready and you can get up at the last minute and give him an affectionate cuddle before he leaves the house.

Original poster

LittleLurker · 08/04/2010 10:24

Tomorrow morning I will try being a bit blunter (although I may not go quite as far as punching him or pulling his arm off.... tempting though those suggestions are!!). It's just once I'm awake, I struggle to go back to sleep! I have that "grrrr, its 7am, I have to be up in less than an hour.... now I have to be up in 45mins..... now its 30mins" thing going on in my head the whole time!

And even if I pretended to be asleep, he would carry on cuddling me and stroking me 'lovingly' regardless, which is what wakes me! So pretending to be asleep is no good! And I can't sleep if someone is touching me.... afetr so many years of him working nights, I got used to falling asleep on my own and waking up on my own, so as soon as anyone touches me, Im awake for good (although I can sleep through an alarm no problem!!).

I guess I'll just keep trying.... maybe when he realises what a brat I am in the mornings, he'll stop wanting to cuddle me! haha.

OP posts:

nannynobnobs · 08/04/2010 10:24

YANBU. My DH wakes between 4 and 5.30 depending on his shift start. I have drummed it into him that if he puts his alarm on snooze so it goes off again instead of getting up I will rub shit in his eyes and burn his shed down. If you don't want to get up till 5, don't fucking set it for half 4!! He now slips out of the bed and room like a ninja.

cocolepew · 08/04/2010 10:25

THe op has asked him nicely not to do it because she don't want to be woken up an hour earlier, he is ignoring her wishes. That would piss me off.

[I'm not a morning person]

Original poster

LittleLurker · 08/04/2010 10:27

No, morning cuddles are really jsut morning cuddles, not a shag! 'Cuddles' is just one of those words which gross me out for no reason, so hence the speech marks around it, sorry!

OP posts:

CheekyVimtoGal · 08/04/2010 10:39

By Malificence Thu 08-Apr-10 10:14:39
I think you need to get a grip and realise just how fortunate you are to have a partner who wants to cuddle you in a morning ( and this is from someone who loves her sleep and isn't a morning person either). I relish the fact that the first thing my DH does on waking is reach for me.

I agree. I love the fact that i have someone who wants to cudddle me anytime of day and especially in the morning when we wake from sleeping.

ZZZenAgain · 08/04/2010 10:40

YANBU cuddling is supposed to be a two-way thing, both wanting otherwise it si just imposing yourself selfishly really. If you are affectionate at other times of the day, I don't see why he has to wake you up an hour earlier for an unresponsive cuddle.

I think you have to say it again but more clearly. He doesn't have a nice day if he goes to work without cuddling you at 7am. You may not have a nice day if you get woken up an hour early for a cuddle you don't want.

LEMneedsmnadvice · 08/04/2010 10:42

oh, i've changed my mind YABU and a bit of a cold fish - i have one word for you SPOONS!!

ZZZenAgain · 08/04/2010 11:14

aw she's only a cold fish when she's tired. Dh isn't a morning creature either. If I woke him up an hour earlier than usual every day for a bit of "spooning", I think he might eventually hit me with a pillow

zipzap · 08/04/2010 11:20

Not ideal I know but could you see if there is any scope for compromise?

Along the lines of 'you have a rubbish day if you don't get a cuddle, I have a rubbish day if I get woken up an hour early. Why should I be the one to get rubbish days every day? You get a cuddle one morning, next morning, I get a lie in and you don't get a cuddle.'

At least that way you would get your lie in half the time...

Alternatively is there any equivalent that you could do to him (wake him up at night for a cuddle, pour a glass of water over him at supper, who knows....) and point out when he doesn't like it that because you he woke you up so he didn't have a rubbish day, you woke up early and did have a rubbish day. But this has meant that you no longer had a rubbish day in the same way that his cuddle helped him, so now you are all square and happy.

hope you manage to find some solution - it is miserable when you have different sleeping habits and partner cannot understand that and still selfishly insists on putting their needs above yours every single time.

Morloth · 08/04/2010 11:25

Well I can see that it would be annoying - tell him to save them for the weekends?

But as someone who can't seem to let go of worrying about the "long term" I enjoy any cuddles I can get (from DH and the kids) while I can get them, one day there won't be any morning cuddles - due to one thing or another.

And yes, I know this is morbid!

ginnny · 08/04/2010 11:27

YANBU. I absolutely hate being touched when I'm asleep and I'm definitely not a morning person. Whenever we have a lie in when the kids are away, he always starts cuddling or stroking me early in the morning and it makes me furious. A sharp elbow in the ribs usually does the trick.

oliviacrumble · 08/04/2010 11:35

Yanbu. I loathe morning cuddles as they shorten those precious few peaceful moments before the madness of the day begins.

And in my house, "cuddles" are definitely a euphemism for sex!

Original poster

LittleLurker · 08/04/2010 14:52

I think I might go with leaving this web page open, and he will see many people think I'm not unreasonable about this... and that if he's not careful he may end up with cold water over face/elbow in ribs etc!!

And please don't get me wrong.... I do love and appreciate cuddles very much.... but only those that occur after 8am! Pre-8am cuddles are a form of torture IMO!!

OP posts:

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