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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else think this is a bit wierd?

65 replies

MadameCheese · 07/04/2010 20:40

My DS was given birthday presents by my in-laws which have to stay at their house for him to use. We hardly ever go there so it seems a bit unfair that he's not able to use them most of the time.

OP posts:
ElleBing · 07/04/2010 21:04

Thankyou nigglewiggle

CappuccinoCarrie · 07/04/2010 21:05

x post niggle

PrettyCandles · 07/04/2010 21:13

I don't think it's all that weird for GPs to provide toys for the dgc to play with at the GPs' house.

My parents have always had a stack of toys and books ready for my dc. They had placemats and dishes specially for the dc. My parents bought a cot, and I used to leave a supply of bibs, nappies, wipes, etc over there. When we lived near them there was a whole corner of one room which was dedicated to the entertainment of my dc.

My ILs, OTOH, never did anything whatsoever to accommodate the dc. Not even moving FIL's classic car/aeroplane/train models to a higher shelf where they wouldn't torment toddler dcs. We always had to bring everything with us, including toys and books, and constantly monitor the dc so that they wouldn't touch precious things. That, to me, was extremely weird. Made me feel soemwhat unwelcome.

It is only in the last year or so, since our eldest turned about 8, that they have provided anything in the way of children's entertainment. And last Xmas, for the first time, they showed our dc a shelf where they could help themselves to some board games, puzzles, colouring pencils and drawing paper.

WhoIsAsking · 07/04/2010 21:15

When I was a little girl I always had presents at Xmas and birthday which were left at my grandparents' houses. They lived in Wales and we lived in London.

I absolutely loved getting the toyboxes out when we visited, and everything was so new and fun and IN A BOX that it was great.

Even when I got to the grand old age of 11, I still loved looking in the boxes and seeing toys that released a rush of memories of being 5. (I'm experiencing that feeling now just thinking about it! - and also a bit that those toyboxes are gone into the mists of time)

My parents, and my EX-IL's also had boxes of toys at their houses. I don't think it's weird at all.

aniseed · 07/04/2010 21:20

Our gps do that. Very strange. esp since the toys are played with by all the grandchildren but were only presents for ds, i.e. they don't do the same for the other grandkids, they get to take their pressies home! Also the 'presents' seem to disappear and don't actually come out when we go round.
DS actually asked at xmas if he was allowed to take it home. Poor thing! I think it is nice to have toys just for GP's house but not necessarily presents.

scottishmummy · 07/04/2010 21:20

not odd on least.i had toys etc at grandparents that remained there.loved playing with those fave toys when visiting

BuzzingNoise · 07/04/2010 21:23

I think it's weird. My in-laws did the same for Christmas 2008. We live over 200 miles away and can't often afford to visit. We've been back once since then. DS is now too old to play with them anymore so it was a waste of money. He couldn't understand at the time why he couldn't take his own presents home.

CappuccinoCarrie · 07/04/2010 21:53

I'm with you whoisasking. I think it largely depends how its put to the kids too. When my kids were given the presents, the GPs said these were special presents to play with at their house so it was totally clear from the outset. Add the word 'special' on the front of anything and kids love it! We're 250miles from both sets of GPs and rarely visit, but my mum got dd to choose 'special' plate, bowl, cutlery etc to keep at her house which I thought was lovely.

EdgeofReason · 07/04/2010 22:01

Hilarious compo! Lots of assumptions they live miles away... do they or are they next door...

Very controlling of them on one hand or practical on another. Where did they have to eat their easter eggs.....

TiggyD · 07/04/2010 22:23

They bought presents for themselves but said they were for your DC. Maybe it's some kind of tax dodge?
Maybe they want to see more of them, if so, don't give in to that sort of thing. See them less.
Why not give them a cake when they come to you but insist it has to be digested at your house and don't let them go home until it has 'passed through'.

chiccadee · 07/04/2010 22:32

LOL TiggyD

lollopops · 07/04/2010 22:41

They did it more for themselves than for your child, which is sad

Original poster
MadameCheese · 07/04/2010 23:25

LOL, oops spelling not my strong point and I was trying to be quick before DH came back!

OP posts:
zipzap · 07/04/2010 23:34

MmeCheese - how old is your ds? Also makes a bit of a difference - is he old enough to understand about presents and leaving things behind?

If he is, maybe you could train him to say if it happens again that it is not really a present if he can't take it with him, or that he knows that his GPs want to play with his toy. Or if not, maybe just to scream and scream and scream

Did you say something to them about it - like how ridiculous, it's hardly a present if he can't have it?

And next time you see them, can you take them a present and then make sure you take it home with you and if they comment mention that you assumed that as this is what they were doing with ds's present, you thought this is what they wanted to do with presents now? [naughty DIL smiley]

wukter · 07/04/2010 23:35

Do you really think it's weird?
Nothing wrong with it as far as I can see. You won't have to cart loads of toys when you visit. Sensible IMO.

hmc · 07/04/2010 23:48

I think it is wierd and a bit crap. You can't give someone a birthday present with 'conditions' attached - i.e. to be left at my house and only played with when you visit me...

Think that is completely different scenario to having toys available at a gp's house for the visiting grandchild to play with during visits. The latter is okay - but don't pretend it's a gift, because it isn't. A present belongs to the recipient, otherwise don't bother

wukter · 07/04/2010 23:51

So they should buy double the amount of toys?
Harumph, in my day, say many of that generation, kids today have so much etc, etc.

Fruitysunshine · 07/04/2010 23:52

Controlling.

hmc · 07/04/2010 23:55

No, not saying that - only that the tight wads shouldn't ungraciously present a child with a birthday gift and then not let them take it home. They are under no obligation to kit their home out like Hamleys for the grandchildren. However a practical solution might be to get hold of a couple of second hand things from a car boot sale / table top sale if they are so inclined.

I can just imagine the type - all purse lipped and peculiar - uggh. Sorry MadameCheese ...

CheekyVimtoGal · 07/04/2010 23:57

My dad does that which christmas presents, the next time they are staying at my dads is in July when i am at a friends wedding. My parents divorced when i was younger and we went to my dads every other weekend and what we got for birthdays, christmas etc etc had to stay at my dads for when we visited so its 'normal' for me

TallestTower · 07/04/2010 23:57

I'd be thrilled if I could keep all of my dcs toys at the gift givers houses. Would make my house much tidier.

And seriously, I think it's thoughtful that they want to keep some special things at their house for the grandchildren.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 07/04/2010 23:58

I think it depends what it is. If it's something large and impractical to transport I'd be glad to leave it behind.

But if it's just normal toys, given as presents then it is a bit odd. Do you IL have any other worrying tendancies besides this hostage taking? Such as sending all communications by cassette tape or video? Or maybe living in a cave?

I'd get NATO involved to negotiate for the safe return of the presents.

hmc · 08/04/2010 00:00

lol!

Monty100 · 08/04/2010 00:02

I think they just want a little bit of their grandchildren (gc?) around their house. And I agree that its also a bit of an enticement for the gc to spend more time there. Don't think it's spiteful, I think it's them feeling gc are part of their lives.

My dcs don't have gp's around so maybe I'm soft. lol

hmc · 08/04/2010 00:04

I wish I could think so kindly of other peoples motives Monty - you are very sweet. I am all for hanging the bug*ers

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