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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

thanking folks for baby gifts - etiquette/ whats reasonable

46 replies

isoldeone · 07/04/2010 16:30

i'm a bit miffed. no word of thanks.
thinking...

a. did it get there? got the address off a mutual aquaintance. was it right? sent it signed for.

b. she'll be busy. v.busy. get a life isoldeone. sure you didn't thank people till at least a month afterwards - little devil im me says "oooh but you wrote cards with baby pics enclosed".

c. you are only a casual aquaintance maybe she forgot because she got loads - only intouch via email/ don't live near.

d. she might be ill- or hideously post natal.

sent by post a casual acquaintance a little gift for the birth of her baby. just because i wanted to.

baby was born around 2 months ago.

I sent the gift a month ago. bit miffed i have had no word of thanks after picking nice gift wrapping nicely and posting.

should i send a message via fb email to check they got it (and prompt thanks ) or just leave alone....whats reasonable?

OP posts:
tassisssss · 07/04/2010 16:33

i'd do nothing and assume b!

Bonnyandborris · 07/04/2010 16:42

So you sent it 4 weeks ago, that will have flown past and have felt like a week ago for her?

MorrisZapp · 07/04/2010 16:46

I'd say baby pressies pretty much exempt from the written thank you rule, due to parents being otherwise occupied.

Are you in text contact? If you're genuinely worried it might not have got there you could drop a wee text?

moondog · 07/04/2010 16:48

So bloody rude but sadly the norm.

I got a pile of stamped postcards and kept them on the side table by the sofa where I lived for the first 4 weeks. When a present came, I wrote a few lines of thanks and asked dh to post it.Took about 60 seconds.

Cn't fathom how it could be considered too difficult or tiresome.

Original poster
isoldeone · 07/04/2010 16:53

i didn't expect a written thanks.
just because I am "thank you"/ present sending zilla but thought would have got a ta via fb
we are in fb message contact only.

like i say bit miffed - not devasted or owt.

did wonder if it got there. didn't receive one myself when i had a baby. thanked sender anyway when they checked by text. was mortified and sent gift for their baby when their turn came round.

just a bit meh. when is a reasonable time to check/ or even thank? 3 months after birth?

OP posts:
DilysPrice · 07/04/2010 16:53

Moondog's approach is of course the right one, in a perfect world, but first time mums won't usually be that organised. As long as it wasn't anything horribly expensive so you'd be really distressed if it had been lost then you have to write it off to baby-related chaos.

After all, loads of people don't even do proper thank you notes for Christmas/birthday presents, when they have far less excuse for letting it slip.

moondog · 07/04/2010 16:54

I think thanknig for baby gift and giving a bit of info is far far more important than Christmas/birthday thanking. They happen every year.

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 07/04/2010 16:55

This happened to me and I was a bit upset as hadn't known it got there.

Got a lovely card with picture on baby of it after about 5 weeks.

She's just busy.

Although I made time to do mine asap as this sort of thing really stresses me out I can totally understand why people can't.

hocuspontas · 07/04/2010 16:56

I remember writing to everyone after dd1 was born but it was about 6 months later.

inveteratenamechanger · 07/04/2010 17:02

Give her a chance, she's probably just getting round to it.

moominmarvellous · 07/04/2010 17:05

I wouldn't expect a thank you until I actually saw them tbh.

I don't think it's very gracious to push for thanks especially when as you say, you don't know how they're coping.

You could arrange a visit to them with the mutual friend perhaps and I dare say they'd thank you then.

Original poster
isoldeone · 07/04/2010 17:08

ok probably should forget about it and leave it be.

feel a little silly for asking but i think i did something similar to moondog especially when i got gifts for baby via post from "unexpected people" from far away.

being precious aren't i ?

.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/04/2010 17:09

I would want to know it had arrived, but it is early days really. I was very grateful for all gifts (especially ones from people I didn't know very well), but it did take a few weeks for me to write to everyone.

But you said you sent the gift "just because you wanted to". That is a lovely impulse, and you should get your warm feelings from knowing you did that. Not from the thanks (although that would be nice).

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/04/2010 17:11

OH, and to answer your question I'd maybe send a breezy message via FB to check they got it, because that, IMO, is the most important thing, not the thanks.

MorrisZapp · 07/04/2010 17:11

How do people have the postal addresses of unexpected people?

I have to make umpteen phone calls every year to my loved ones at christmas to ask them for their postcode!

Btw Gina Ford is very practical on this issue (get the thank you cards in advance etc) but she isn't to all tastes is she.

FakePlasticTrees · 07/04/2010 17:12

whoops, just been thinking about this and getting a bit huffy on your behalf, then remembered that although I've done most of them, I have another 2 to send - DS is 14 weeks. That's rather bad isn't it!??!?

(slinking off to do those now)

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 07/04/2010 17:13

I agree with you and moondog
I was surprised when a friend of mine said she had no idea who had or hadn't sent gifts so she couldn't thank anyone.
It has made her seem ungrateful when people have asked if she liked the teddy/babygrow for her not to be able to bluff her way through it.

Original poster
isoldeone · 07/04/2010 17:13

they live the otherside of the country moomin. unlikely to see them for probably ages/ never.. well i don't know- no plans to go over that way. i realise pushing for thanks is ungracious - hence a little hesitation. sorry bit of stealth here - saw she'd been tagged on fb on a night out in news feed but know that means nothing. it's just bugging me in that meh way but not a big deal just started the thread to pass time and see what others thought/ debate

OP posts:
cleopops · 07/04/2010 17:14

dont check yet if you dont know how she is getting on, a month after my emergency c section i was so ill that cards were the last thing on my mind.
im sure she will thank you when she can

Chulita · 07/04/2010 17:21

I didn't send thank you cards for gifts, not because I wasn't grateful but I'm not a 'cardy' person. I said thank you in person or on fb but my brother's parents-in-law sent a homemade blanket which was lovely but I'd only met them once (at brother's wedding) and they didn't put the return address so I was a bit stuck. Asked db to say thanks but he's so scatty I doubt he did!
I think baby gifts should be exempt from the thankyou saga simply because like cleopops I wasn't on top form for a long time after DD.
You're very sweet to send a gift to someone you'll probably never see again though

Original poster
isoldeone · 07/04/2010 17:24

am "thanking" zilla

greyskull- can understand that as we got a lot but we wrote it down when the 4th present arrived. am so anal!

morris - my postal address was on the back of the parcel.

cleopopsbut you are right but the baby was born in early feb. i sent my gift start of march - sorry i didn't make that clear in op so am wondering - think the news feed fb tag prompted it.

like i say i'm a bit precious and a bit meh

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 07/04/2010 17:25

I'm a 'thankingzilla' as well, isoldone. All of my baby gifts had thank you notes sent within 2 weeks of receipt. Even after the baby was here!

MorrisZapp · 07/04/2010 17:29

It can all get a bit silly though imo. When I send a thank you letter to my gran, she writes back to thank me for my letter. Then rings me if I don't acknowlege it.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/04/2010 17:31

Aaaaw Morris - your gran sounds great. That has made me laugh.

MorrisZapp · 07/04/2010 17:34

My gran does rock . Can you tell she's retired, widowed and bored though?

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