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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

thanking folks for baby gifts - etiquette/ whats reasonable

46 replies

isoldeone · 07/04/2010 16:30

i'm a bit miffed. no word of thanks.
thinking...

a. did it get there? got the address off a mutual aquaintance. was it right? sent it signed for.

b. she'll be busy. v.busy. get a life isoldeone. sure you didn't thank people till at least a month afterwards - little devil im me says "oooh but you wrote cards with baby pics enclosed".

c. you are only a casual aquaintance maybe she forgot because she got loads - only intouch via email/ don't live near.

d. she might be ill- or hideously post natal.

sent by post a casual acquaintance a little gift for the birth of her baby. just because i wanted to.

baby was born around 2 months ago.

I sent the gift a month ago. bit miffed i have had no word of thanks after picking nice gift wrapping nicely and posting.

should i send a message via fb email to check they got it (and prompt thanks ) or just leave alone....whats reasonable?

OP posts:

Original poster

isoldeone · 07/04/2010 17:35

fakeplastictrees - oops but if they had texted you to check what would you think? (am not going to do it)

as we were only in fb contact just thought i'd get a fb "ta"

ikwym morris

OP posts:

lovechoc · 07/04/2010 17:35

I said thanks to everyone in person or by telephone when DS was born. I didn't do cards. Didn't have the time to do all that, it was stressful enough in the first year of sleep deprivation.

cleopops · 07/04/2010 17:35

thankyou isoldeone for responding

FabIsRubbish · 07/04/2010 17:37

TBH any time for a thanks would be fine with me as we have sent gifts to someone 3 times for gifts for their new baby and not had any thanks at all. Mind you, they don't thank anyone when they are sent gifts or money. Someone else managed to write and thank us when the baby was less than 1 month old.

ElleBing · 07/04/2010 17:39

Oh fgs get over yourself. The woman has got an eight week old, like she's got nothing better to do than scribble thankyou notes...

People got mine when DS when ten weeks old. I had far too many gifts/cards containing cash to realistically reply to everyone immediately.

You might want to review why you're sending gifts. It sounds like you're doing it to revel in the gratitude.

Original poster

isoldeone · 07/04/2010 17:42

lol v. clever cleopops - i just reread the thread thinking i had not acknowledged you post!

thing is fab - if i never get thanked will this put me off the "because i wanted to". i do LIKE it when i get thanked and am the kind of person who gets excited to know what they thougt of the gift. maybe i'm morris's gran

OP posts:

Original poster

isoldeone · 07/04/2010 17:45

x posts ellebing

you are right - i do 'revel' in the gratitude
i guess - is that a bad thing? don't we all do this? noone truly gives selflessly or do they?

OP posts:

FabIsRubbish · 07/04/2010 17:46

I have cut down on what I spend on people who don't thank us as we are not exactly rolling in money and while I enjoy buying baby presents I do like to know it is appreciated.

foureleven · 07/04/2010 17:46

I send thank you notes religiously. Thanks for having me for dinner, thanks for daughters birthday present, I even get my daughter to write a thank you letter after being to a friends birthday party. But I didnt write any thank you letters for presents I got when she was born. I was seriously depressed, confused, tired, had a useless helpless partner and honestly couldnt remember who got what.

I do think I sent quite a few Thank you texts though. i.e sent a text saying thanks for present but with no more detail as couldnt remember who got what.

I think my attitude would be 'we dont give to receive' and just move on. She'll probably thank you when you see her.

waitingforbedtime · 07/04/2010 17:48

Alot of people dont thank anymore for weddings and baby presents and things ime.

I always thank even now for ds easter bloody unnecessary gifts!

I think its fairly early still in the case of teh OP and you never know how she is etc but generally, to not thank, even when youve got a new baby is the height of rudeness imo.

waitingforbedtime · 07/04/2010 17:50

PS I have noticed a lot of our friends never thank US for presents for a new baby but do thank my/dh's parents on the occasions theyve bought the baby something? Maybe people only thank the 'older' generation.

I will be one of those mother forever cajouling their child to write thank you letters though!

ElleBing · 07/04/2010 17:51

Well, I'd be a bit miffed if I never got a thankyou for the things I sent to people but new mums are an exception. I was a late sender of thankyou notes but that's only because, frankly, time to sit and have a cup of tea was a luxury.

I just think that it's like people who donate to charity then want the world to know about it so that they can talk about what a generous person they are. It's not giving for the right reasons. it's giving to make YOU feel good if you get more pleasure out of the gratitude than out of the giving.

WhyFrank · 07/04/2010 17:51

When I get like this I tell myself I shouldn't give presents if I'm going to get stroppy about people's (lack of) response.

MorrisZapp · 07/04/2010 17:53

Taken to it's logical conclusion then, people really should also send back thanks to the people who send thank you letters, in order to thank them for the feeling of appreciation they have given them.

Then you could just send the letters back and forward for the rest of your lives, in a 'I'm politer than you' Mexican stand-off.

Original poster

isoldeone · 07/04/2010 17:56

at morris

OP posts:

Original poster

isoldeone · 23/04/2010 16:30

still not heard anything- meh - it's bugging me -ai still bu?

OP posts:

everythingiseverything · 23/04/2010 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

isoldeone · 23/04/2010 16:45

yeh might do that... I'd forgotten about it tbh and then saw my thread and it bugged me all over again. i'm so petty but still...

OP posts:

sterrryerryoh · 23/04/2010 16:58

When we had DS, my friend sent me a text saying "congratulations" then sent me another text straight after asking for my address, then sent a card, then sent me a text, (the day I got the card) saying "did you get my card?" - I didn't reply as forgetful/busy/asleep/opening cards, then sent me 2 more texts the following day saying "worried you didn't get the card - and also worried you aren't getting these texts". I was v tempted to just completely ignore her and see how far she would go but sent her a card with DS's picture on it saying thank you - as I had planned to do anyway! Some of you sound super-organised! I wish I'd thought of doing it in advance!!!

Journey · 23/04/2010 16:59

She should have sent you a written thank you note or at the very least done a verbal thank you. I've got three children close in age and yes I'm busy but I still wrote thank you notes. It doesn't take that long to do and I think that if someone has gone to the effort to buy your baby a gift and wrap it and send it then you should have the decency to thank them. The only difference I would say is expect a bit longer than usual for a thank you note since they will be busy, but not saying thank you in any form is just down right rude. You have a right to be bugged by it.

stressheaderic · 23/04/2010 17:11

I wrote and sent 60 thank you cards 2 weeks after DD1's birth. It was a pleasure to do them, after all people has gone to the trouble of generously choosing and sending gifts.
And I had plenty of time - newborns sleep a lot - well, mine did!

DD's cousin was born a week after DD. We sent lovely package over to them in USA with baby outfit, blanket etc, cost £7 to send too. Not a word of thanks, acknowledgement, gift for us, nowt. I was a little miffed.

Think I'm a bit of a Thanking-zilla too. But let's face it, sometimes we all do give to receive. I know I'm guilty...

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